Third Slip - Issue 12 - The latest in British Comedy!
Welcome to the dozenth issue of TTS, the weekly news roundup which uses humour to soften the blow. Here’s all you need to know and as always, we link out to more credible analyses which should be fun light reading in case the match is putting you to sleep. Anyhoo, here we go!
The government is WG Gracing its way out of incompetence
Legend has it that the iconic 19th century batsman, when bowled out, simply put the bails back on and said to the umpire, “The crowd’s come to see me bat, not to see you umpire.” This same cheerful cavalier attitude can be found in the BJP today, who have stopped trying to anything (Amit Shah: “it’s not possible to provide employment to everyone in a country of 125 crore people”). Hence, egged on by the crowd, the BJP continues to throw its brand of Hindutva around. Well, that was easy! No need to go through so much trouble to rebuild the economy in order to get re-elected, just do some rabble-rousing, invoke imaginary gods and the votes shall pour in. Sure, fudge GDP numbers as well while you're at it;- you think people care? (Comparison to Dr. Grace stopped long back, by the way) Even the folks at the right-leading Swarajya are a little miffed. And hey, it’s not just us! Several countries have moved from economics to nationalism - the easy way out.
Anyhow, economic progress looks like a lost cause under the BJP, as does women’s safety - just check this heartbreaking and brutal rape story in (you guessed it) Gurgaon.
Lock and Kissan
Madhya Pradesh’s farmers are not happy with the government and are making that known (if only the government focused on them rather than trying to build a Happiness Department, or the state agriculture minister didn’t waste his time doing photo-ops with Baba Ramdev). Their major beef (eheheh) has been: “Hey, if Maharashtra farmers can get loan waivers we want some too, especially since the same party rules both states!”. This puts the BJP in a bit of a bother, especially since waivers will only end up hurting the sector.
If you can’t say nice things about someone who can raid you, don’t say anything at all
NDTV, who’s always been critical of the government, was raided by the CBI, for an allegedly unpaid 2002 loan. As far as shady timing goes, this is right up there with someone’s uncle dying on a Tuesday after a long weekend, and an advertising executive taking print-outs while in formal wear at 4 PM.
This week in food policing
Momos are the most harmless of all foods, they’re the gastronomic equivalent of a teddy bear. They’re even so onomatopoeic - how many times have you ordered a plate just because you wanted to say the name?! (Just me? Oh well, carry on. Mmm momos) .Anyway, the BJP has found a reason to hate on them too.
Partially hilariously, the much-vaunted beef ban will have a ripple effect on the milk industry since latter can’t sell old cows off to slaughterhouses. We’re pretty sure gau-rakshaks didn’t think that through.
And finally, it seems that it’s actually genes, not jeans, that leads to anti-national things like eating beef.
Two wrongs do make a right
Yogi Adityanath’s Hindu Yuva Vahini are increasingly clashing with the party that put him in power, the BJP. It’s like that moment in a WWE tag team match where the two members of the ‘bad guys’ turn on each other.
What else?
Urijit Patel has grown a spine - which can only mean he’s soon on his way out.
It only takes one moron sneezing for a second to undo a 5-hour-delicately-crafted ice-cream-stick-house. So yeah, whatever little progress has been made in rural areas has been undone thanks to one man’s sneeze (itch?) for demonetization.
Awkwardness in Boratland!
Kazakhsthan! Greatest country in the world! All other countries are run by state heads who really don’t want to bump into each other after all that badmouthing.
The China-backed Shanghai Cooperation Organization brought together China, India and Pakistan (among others, but who care about the rests, eh?) and things were awkward af (as the kids these days say): India basically accused Pakistan of terrorism while they were... Y'know, right there. Imagine SBI inviting Vijay Mallya to a how-to-reduce-NPA conference.
It’s not all gloom at home!
The best news of the week hardly got any coverage: ISRO launched its most powerful rocket yet! Second best news - the authors’ homestate decided prohibition was a stupid idea and is getting rid of it. Yay!
British Comedy
Prime Minister Theresa May basically did the political equivalent of an engineering college student submitting a paper for re-evaluation and getting lower marks than before. A few weeks back, in order to bolster her Brexit chances, she called for a snap poll. Long story short - she got less seats, still remains the PM (but with an even bigger headache Brexit & party-wise) and the ‘loser’, Jeremy Corbyn of the Labour Party is now critically and journalistically acclaimed after coming back from the dead.
Britain needed this comedy, because earlier in the week it suffered yet another terrorist attack and of course, Trump and his Twitter account found a way to make everything awkward.
Speaking of L’Orange
Now might be a good time for us to admit that we all have a bit of a mancrush on James Comey: Especially after he ripped into Donald Trump. While revealing nothing new, what the ex-FBI chief’s testimony did show is that he has more political acumen than all the Republicans put together - which is hardly saying anything. Basically, he fought hard to maintain the integrity of the FBI, which he was fired from. Outcome? Left-leaning media had a good Friday, the Republicans showed that they’ve stopped caring (and sneakily, when everyone was distracted, did this). More shockingly, Trump tweeted nothing for hours! Earlier in the week, Comey told Attorney-General Jeff Sessions not to leave him alone with Trump - so now that makes it both genders having the same fear. As someone on CNN said, “Let’s just wait for the movie”.
Oh by the way, the US has a new FBI chief. When Trump said ‘impeccable character’, he meant ‘connections to Russia’.
Trump is truly admirable in following the ‘don’t do what society tells you to do’ adage: He’s rubbished his own lawyers with respect to the travel ban (which is now in the Supreme Court), his own press secretary on his position on Qatar, and clearly the will of the people (his approval rating is at 34%) by staying in office.
Remember all that climate change brouhaha last week? California clearly couldn't give two hoots about what Trump thinks and is directly doing something about climate change, as is Hawaii.
From the bijnej pages.
Finally, erstwhile internet posterboy Yahoo is going to be put out of its misery. Marissa Mayer’s leadership is partially praised but mostly reviled. Amazon is going after low-income households (fiendishly clever and ambitious). And by the way, if you’re looking for a nice work-life balance, then don’t head to Silicon Valley. Apple held a DevConference: They made an Echo-like speaker and finally got serious about AR, which means... Mactards will talk about how innovative Apple is for doing something the rest of the world did 2 years ago.
Dohahahahahaha
Remember last week that the Gulf countries isolated Qatar with a little encouragement from Trump? Turns out, that’s probably because Russian hackers planted fake news, to destabilize links with US allies. For which Trump… took credit (huh?. Cannotableto. Vox’s excellent theory - Russia is ‘like a company that sells both cigarettes and smoking cessation tools’. And then Trump called for unity. Make up your mind, dingbat! And, yes, it’s all over gas.
What else?
Ireland’s new prez has Indian roots, and is gay. What a story! Sadly, there were terror attacks in the Iran Parliament (and yes, The Baboon found a way to make that awkward as well.
Understatement of the year
“International relationships that had seemed immutable for 70 years are being called into question.” - Canada’s Minister of Foreign Affairs, basically saying it’s time for the country to flip US the bird.
LinkedOut: A selection of the best things we read this week
Making clothes is basically a loss leader / marketing expense for luxury brands
Useless websites and where they go to die or rather, be archived.
Tech billionaires like Zuck and Hastings give a lot to education - but there’s a downside to it. Are they using kids as ‘testing’ and bypassing set systems?
The last $1b dollar box office movie might have been made. Things are going to get more subscription-driven now.
This is what happens when you give Redditors some free time: The worst volume sliders
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Right, that’s it for now. Have a happy rest-of-the-weekend, and let’s hope for a happier newsletter next time.
By the way, we’re always super-keen to know what you think of TTS, so let us know, on Twitter (Chuck and Tony) or email. And and and... Forward this to a friend you think would like this no? Bye!