Third Slip - Issue 11: The best summary of the news covfefe
You know it has been an amazing week when two-time reigning champion for word of the week Shashi Tharoor lost out to Donald “I have the best words” Trump. This edition of The Third Slip comes to you earlier than usual so you can watch the India v Kerala Pakistan match in peace. Yes, we’re thoughtful like that. (Be good and tell more people about us?). Onward, ho.
Is that a GDP in your pocket or...
Last month we celebrated 6 months since demonetization. The bad news: It screwed up the economy. Modi basically took a Laxman-in-2001 and put blinders on him to turn him into Agarkar-in-1999, the final result being Kanitkar-in-entire-career. The worse news: The GDP number of 6.1% (it was 8% last year) does not include the informal sector which was the worst hit by demonetization. That’s basically writing a book about Kanitkar without mentioning that moment. The puzzling news: For some reason, we’re now going to have a new 1 rupee note.
The new bad ‘b’ word
We’ll keep this short and bee… (oops, almost slipped up there). The Modi government banned sale of bovines (and camels, apparently) for slaughter, with very warped logic. What followed was a week in the life of India 2017: Loonies got happy, Mallus refused to give a flying f**k, some protesters got thrashed, and nobody paid attention to rapes. (Which, by the way, are caused by V-Day)
Comically, BJP chose to reply to Kerala’s beef fests with… Milk fests, and (in the North-East) chose to celebrate 3 years of being in power with… A beef fest. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Incredible India
This week’s biggest WTF came from a Rajasthan High Court judge who made an impassioned appeal for the Cow to be named the national animal of India because Peacocks don’t have sex.He claimed that the peahen is impregnated by drinking tears of the peacock. <7 jokes removed because they’ve all been done to death. Cry.>. In case you are thinking, "Say, I’ve never actually seen peacocks doing it”, the good folks at Buzzfeed have you covered.
In other news, Times Now, the channel which threw out Arnab because he was not biased enough, decided to call Kerala “Thundery Pakistan”. Malayalees trended #ApologiseTimesCow and a corrigendum was issued by Times Now suggesting that it was a typo. This is perfectly believable. Like when you type “Apologies for the delayed revert” but it autocorrects to “STOP FOLLOWING UP YOU MORON I WILL GET BACK TO YOU WHEN I WANT TO GET BACK TO YOU!!”
India’s favourite sport - Drama Cricket
It appears not all is well with Indian cricket despite a record-breaking home season. The BCCI chose not to automatically extend Kumble’s tenure as head coach after feedback from Kohli that Kumble was intimidating and that he enforced too much discipline. Sort of like when you break up with someone for being too much like yourself. But it’s not ideal if you do it two days before your betrothal AKA the Champion’s Trophy.
Meanwhile, Ramachandra Guha, who was part of the Supreme Court appointed Committee of Administrators decided to quit just 5 months in, citing inaction on several key points such as the superstar culture and conflict of interest. He quoted many examples and but we like this version the best of Sunny Gavaskar hitting back
Interlude: Good and bad
While everyone in the West refers to Bangladesh when they need ‘random poor overpopulated country whose location we don’t know lolz’, their economic growth story is actually quite heartwarming (thanks to all those textiles). Sadly, Cyclone Mora has left some parts of the country reeling.
Learn scuba diving. You’ll need the skill a few years from now.
Yeah, yeah, so we know that happened. Despite one goofball’s efforts to destroy the planet, there’s hope: Renewable energy is fast getting cheaper; solar already employs more than coal (which was on the decline even before the EPA was formed!); and the market is moving towards renewables. Consider that Exxon Mobil itself has committed to tackling climate change: Imagine Sharad Pawar giving you lecture on ethics. Several companies, cities and communities are going to continue efforts. Elon Musk left the presidential council (good idea - we’re going to need SpaceX badly soon). The immediate problem might be: Some energy projects in developing countries (including ours) might get stalled. The funny thing is - what he wants ‘renegotiated’ already exists in the Accord. That’s like not wanting to go to Mohammad Ali Road because you wanted to eat meat.
Why’s the US like a ROFLing share document? They’re a laughing stock.
Even before the Paris-pullout, Merkel realised Trump was cuckoo enough to warn the whole of Europe that they couldn’t depend on the US. The whole Hillary-Benghazi thing? Never happened. And the accident who became president now has his own subscription box. Oh, and of course covfefe.
And as for the rest of the world...
The official Twitter account of Ukraine sent its Russian counterpart a sick burn using a Simpsons GIF.
Putin said ‘patriotic-minded Russians’ might have tinkered in the US elections (in the same way Modi might say “animal lovers might give you a flyer in person” or Hitler might say “No no this survey data is just for a branding PPT I’m making, don’t worry”).
Desperate to show its Indian side, Switzerland (of historically zero-f**k-giving fame), fined a guy for ‘liking’ a FB comment.
And finally, the meeting between Macron and Putin was pretty awkward given their past (Stop interfering in our elections! Stop eating baguettes! Stop killing gays! What’s a Ukraine?).
Sadly, there were attacks in
Kabul and Baghdad: Words that the world has become numb to, now.
Self-goal of the year
British comedy has always been hilarious, and the latest episode of British Politics does not disappoint. Theresa May (who was anti Brexit, but became pro after she realised she could become PM that way - like a marketing major suddenly liking finance after seeing the ‘salary’ slide during placements) called for a snap election so she could get more seats, leading to a quicker divorce from the EU. Except that down-and-dusted Labour leftist leader Jeremy Corbyn went from Bangladesh-in-2000s to Ireland-in-WC11. Well, not quite. He’s unlikely to win, but May is definitely going to have weaker power (and a pathetic economy) which only means one thing - British Politics is going to be renewed for another season! Get that popcorn ready, folks.
Weird
You know how sometimes the naughtiest boy in school ends up being a topper? So China is now the Europe-trotting, deal-closing, climate-change-solution-making beacon of globalization. And shareholders of oil juggernaut Exxon Mobil want it to tackle climate change.
Tech
The sexiest gadget this month comes from Android founder Andy Rubin - it’s called Essential. It doesn’t even have the logo on the phone.
Gravitational Waves (y’know, that thing that happened last year and all comedians were trying hard to understand so they could make a joke about it) happened again.
Despite AlphaGo winning again, its true potential lies when the AI powering it partners with humans (great read).
Twitter finally is taking steps to address its stagnating growth, its users’ racial behaviour, its use as a propaganda / recruitment tool by ISIS, fake news and more: By introducing round thumbnails. Yay.
Uber fired that documents-stealing dude and hey Skype also wants to be like Snapchat!
LinkedOut
If you’ve ever been to Chennai, you are sure to have seen “P. James Magic Show 9841072571” on many walls. This very moving story on the man behind the graffiti
Is GDP really the best way to measure growth? Or is it just gross?
Rafael Nadal turned 31 yesterday and no one will bet against him winning La Decima at Roland Garros this year. A lovely piece on the dominant 30s club in Men’s tennis
While we think about how old we’ve become - Varun Grover writes about how the 90s changed the way we watched movies
That’s it for this week, which it turns out was more hilarious than it was depressing. Yay! Follow us (Chuck and Tony) on Twitter and tell us what you think. If you prefer a higher character limit, you can email us too. Bye!