The Third Slip: Issue 99 - Return or Enter? Key difference
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip—the weekly newsletter that is to world news what being stoned is to a toddler’s cartoon: everything is still extremely bizarre, but suddenly a whole lot funnier. The empirical experimentation that was undertaken to craft that last line should be tried only at home. (Pro-tip: check out Hey Duggee!).
This is issue 99. As you know, the only purpose served by 99 is as a stumbling block on your way to a 100. It is a number when all the doubts you began with start creeping into your mind again. And so, this is an issue that’s entirely forgettable and ought to be skipped past at the earliest. But we do have some news…
At Home
Sab aa rahi mala: In a completely unexpected but welcome twist in the tale, the Sabarimala board this week reversed its stand and told the Supreme Court that everyone can enter the temple shrine, including *shudder* women of menstrual age. Basically, they’ve switched the sign for women from “Return” to “Enter” - which is essentially the same key. What next, MS Dhoni will turn up to the crease in an ODI and score at a strike rate over 40?
All your basis are belong to us: The RBI unexpectedly cut the repo rate by 25 basis points which—long analysis short—makes it cheaper for the government to borrow money for infra projects, a nice thing to have in an election year. This is the RBI’s maiden policy review under Shaktikanta Das (named after German philosopher Immanuel Kant and the best-known work of another German Philosopher Das Kapital by Karl Marx) and essentially means your EMIs will get cheaper. The philosophical upshot of this is the increased difficulty to argue with the older generation who will now tell you: “you should buy a flat in Mumbai for 2 crores and pay EMIs for 30 years. Of course, you won’t live in that flat for longer than 3 years unless you put up with the craziest daily commute, but what better way to be shackled to an unrewarding corporate life and kill any dreams you may have? Dreams are our enemy.”
Raf Out Loud: The Rafale Deal—gotta love the timing of these scams—is coming back to bite the government in the saffron-tinted behind. You might remember the BJP was accused of snagging his pal Anil Ambani (no fighter jet experience) a massive deal instead of HAL (been doin’ it for decades, bro). Last week, The Hindu revealed that the PMO was communicating directly with the French officials—a breach of protocol. It’s like your dad obtaining your new date’s number and Whatsapping her every morning to tell her what a good, god-fearing boy you are. The irony of this government being exposed thanks to something called The Hindu is too delicious.
Must-stash away a lot: Now that Priyanka Gandhi is officially in politics, it was almost certain that her husband Robert Vadra’s shady land deals would come up, and the BJP was only too happy to oblige. The only thing shadier than that man’s real estate portfolio is his moustache.
Violent knight, holy knight: So when the UP government promised jobs, they meant “Communal Violence Inciting Officer”? Welcome to the state where those who kill are promptly rewarded, and teachers are unpaid. Elsewhere, the Hindutva brigade shows its globalised outlook by being dicks to Rohingya refugees also now.
You should have seen the other gai: To show that they’re as cow-proud as the BJP, the Congress used a terrorism law against people accused of cow slaughter.
356-inch chest: Here we have the truest tweet of all time. What a succinct, accurate summary of our politics...
Things that happened around the world
Royal in-field bullet: Firstly, it looks like Saudi’s prince said he was happy to use a bullet on slain journalist Jamal Khashoggi. This should get interesting. Now for Trump to dispute his own intelligence agencies...
Balls to the wall: Republicans are—as the technical term goes—growing a pair. Turns out, Trump’s racism was fine, the misogyny all good, but declaring emergency to build a border wall? Ooh, now you’ve got those Constitution-swearing adult diapers in a twist. Anyway, L’Orange delivered a State of the Union address that was both cantankerous and olive-branch-extending, and picked a World Bank critic to head the World Bank. Typical week.
Of black faces and flak bases: Democrats, on the other hand, have troubles of their own. It turns out one of their Governors dressed up in a KKK costume during a college fancy dress show and later admitted to blackening his face to impersonate Michael Jackson. And he almost moonwalked at a press conference, only to be stopped by his wife at the last minute. Yaar!
Eco-money: Speaking of the US, the Dems (especially some new young ones) really want to introduce a “Green Bill”. Republicans are worried this will stall growth because the only green bill they care about is the dollar note.
Seeing redo: Looks like the only thing that could derail China’s strongman Xi Jinping is (once again) the economy. Once-starry-eyed, now-struggling workers are now protesting, and the Party’s aura of invincibility is fading. Sounds familiar?
Poping for the best: Pope Francis visited the UAE and said all the right things, lightly chiding people who’ve started that annoying war in Yemen, and admitting his clerics have not exactly been very catholic around nuns. But then, are women really people?
This week in how-effed-are-we
Ice breakers: There’s a massive cavity in Antarctica and Himalayan glaciers are melting and we’ve just had the 4th hottest year. Meanwhile, the most powerful person in the world wants global warming to come back because the US Midwest is experiencing record low temperatures. If it helps, thanks to Trump, more Americans believe in climate change than before.
Gone Fission: Back when the Cold War ended, a treaty was put in place so that the USA and Russia wouldn’t nuke the crap out of each other (and the world). Now, both have backed out of said treaty, making many people very nervous indeed.
Boko Haramkor: Trump thinks ISIS might be defeated in Syria (it’s not), but now the terrorists are increasingly making inroads in Africa.
Sillycon Chips: Japan now has drinkable potato chips (and tongs!) for the smartphone-obsessed-yet-hygienic. Facepalm.
Stuff from business & tech pages
Jump on the brand-wagon: Amazon is violently and shadily promoting its private brands, probably the best manifestation of Bezos’ famous line: “your margin is my opportunity”. That chill the US is feeling now is not just because of the polar vortex. Jeff has other things to worry about. He made it public that a tabloid newspaper was blackmailing him threatening to reveal some embarrassing photos, and he’s reconsidering the new New York HQ after all those protests.
RTs are endorsements: Rounding up a busy big-tech-being-dicks week. Twitter’s Jack Dorsey stood up for Trump being on his platform (and why not, Trump is to Twitter what sugar is to Cadbury), refused to remove a Photoshopped image of Democrat women wearing KKK costumes and refused to appear before a Parliamentary committee.
Ek tha tiger: Spotify CEO Daniel Ek announced this week that they have bought two large podcasting companies, Gimlet and Anchor. Come on big tech, we’re waiting for you to buy newsletters next.
Browse before house: If you use Chrome, consider using this extension that’ll tell you if your passwords were part of a data breach. Also in browser news, even Microsoft doesn’t want you using IE anymore.
Cut to the chaste: And finally, here’s a version of Oculus that comes pre-loaded with porn.
LinkedOut: some of the best things we read this week
Welcome to the age of collective delusion (as opposed to TTS readers - we’re living in collective disillusionment).
Maybe it’s time India considered multiple time zones?
Alas, the ‘Buzzfeed experimental era’ is over.
Electric cars might not be as ‘green’ as you might have thought.
Who won the Super Bowl ad fest this time? Skittles, who didn’t advertise and just did a YouTube video (and musical!) about how advertising ruins everything. Best.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, find us on Twitter (Chuck | Tony) or email us. If you enjoy reading The Third Slip, subscribe and be a part of our community that welcomes everyone to enter it irrespective of caste, creed, or gender. If you don’t like this newsletter, share it on your social media to tell people about the decreasing standards of content in the world. If you’re indifferent, you’re not even reading this so we have no words for you. Until next week, may your doubly bubbly friend turn up with a bottle of bubbly and light up a lazy afternoon. Bye!