The Third Slip: Issue 97 - We Kondo without you
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that keeps going only because most people prefer to take a Monty Python restaurant menu option approach to, and not a Marie Kondo-esque stance on tidying up, what’s in their mailbox. But, it is statistically possible that at least some of you feel sparks of joy when you hold this newsletter. No, we will not dismiss you - because clearly, you have bigger problems.
This is issue 97. 97, of course, was the year of the first cricket world cup in India. No, it wasn’t. But then, 96 wasn’t either like we claimed last week, so why start with being factual now? Thanks to all of our readers who wrote in to tell us that, we didn’t know there were so many of you. But really, sincerest apologies for the error. At least, we now know what the guy whose name rhymes with show pony brings to this weblication - inability to do basic fact-checking and an ability to besmirch his co-author. On with the news that may or may not have been verified…
At Home
Vaccine and waning: The polio immunisation day campaign scheduled for Feb 3rd has been indefinitely postponed as the government is facing a budget crunch because, apparently, the prices of polio vaccines have gone up. Money for statues? Check. Money for publicity? Take na. Money for polio immunisation? Yaar we need to tighten our belts. Also, vaccines are western concepts etc. Please adjust.
Tryst with dynasty: Meanwhile, the Congress going for the jugular in 2019 has brought in Priyanka Gandhi to manage the campaign in eastern UP. Amongst her many stellar attributes, apparently, the strongest one is that she resembles Indira Gandhi. We wish we were kidding.
Fake in India: We are #1 in the world in producing fake scientific journals! YAY! UNESCO says so. Actually, no - the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists does. (And by we, we mean India, and not TTS - which might have attributes of a fake journal but there’s nothing scientific about it.)
The Ost-rich: Rich get way richer, poor get way poorer. The only way to cope with this reality is by burying our head in the sand without acknowledging the world outside. India’s top 1% saw their wealth growing by a whopping 39% in 2018 while the bottom half continues to remain - to use the technical economic term - fucked. Who needs equitable growth and all? We want more ugly-ass expensive buildings and outlandish weddings before we focus on things like rural development. Privilege comes pre-village.
Chok-slam: Mehul Choksi, the two-time winner of the “Diamond merchant you least want bodyslamming you” award, has given up his Indian passport to avoid extradition and is now Antiguan/Barbadian. Barbarian!
Oont worry, be happy: Oh by the way, Amul is launching camel milk and since that’s an animal nobody has a “should-we-outrage” opinion on, everyone’s confused how to react.
Around the world
United state of America: A quicklook at everything that’s happening in the US - The government just got out of shutdown (reboot?). What a defeat for the man who promised so much winning, Trump! Democrats showed Dravidesque defence, refusing to allow L’Orange to deliver the State of the Union address, thereby nailing down his biggest weakness - the man loves to talk. Finally, unpaid government workers can stop making ends meet as Uber drivers and heading to food banks. Also, LOLOLOL, Trump’s social media team is Photoshopping him to make him look slimmer. As Colbert said, “good to know that there’s still a department of homeland insecurity”. You might give up on the US at this point, but remember - this is the country where a lawmaker actually proposed funding the Border Wall with a porn tax. At least we have some good Democrat candidates running for Prez: California’s first Black senator, super-progressive Kamala Harris, is doing so. As is Elizabeth Warren.
I run so mad, loca! (anagram): If you’re looking for a government-made crisis, look no further than Venezuela - masters of the game for decades (despite recent competition from the US). Nicolas Maduro - the guy who doesn’t put the nic or las in the phrase “Nice guys finish last” - got backing from the military and declared himself the president while the rest of the world went WTF, we’re backing the other guy. Fun all ‘round.
Davos Kapital: Capitalism - the wonderful philosophy that thinks it is ideal for world leaders to meet annually in a remote place that’s freezing to death. In the middle of January. In Davos, the primary concern is about China’s growth actually slowing down. And the rest of the world should worry. Don’t take our word for it, the World Bank says so, cheerfully titling their 2019 outlook “Darkening Prospects”. The IMF, too, thinks we’re in for a rough ride.
Break the ice: But hey, who needs to worry about the economy if climate change destroys us first? A huge chunk of Greenland is close to melting.
Yes sinister: Is Brexit still comedy & chaos? Yes. Did an ousted Malaysian Prime Minister try to garner public support with an R&B song? Also Yes.
Of meetings and teamings: Trump & North Korea’s Kim will meet again - probably in Vietnam. Japan’s Abe & Russia’s Putin meet to fight about some disputed islands. Germany & France have had enough of the UK and are prepared to become the centre of the EU.
Tech & Biz
Soul-search engine: Google’s donated a ton of money (and machines) to Wikipedia. That good publicity will come in handy after the company became the first (yay!) major company to be fined via the GDPR - and a whopping $57 million at that!
Dial it up: Smartphones have plateaued, and sales are declining. Maybe that’s why companies are trying to make them sexy again with bendable screens, pop-up cameras and general nostalgia (RAZR!) so that people upgrade more often.
May I e-com in?: “Cut me a slice of that e-commerce pizza, please” - Mukesh Ambani (who wants to see a cage match between him and Bezos?), while the government is trying to make an ecomm policy - unsurprisingly it’s going to be one that Amazon doesn’t like, and Ambani does.
Pump it up: In useful tech, breastfeeding tech is getting better.
LinkedOut
If you have to read one article about Donald Trump, let it be this. A stunning long read in New Yorker about Mark Burnett - the man who built the image of Trump via the Apprentice.
If you were scared by how much data Facebook has on you, haaaaaave you met Amazon? They’re getting almost out-of-control powerful.
“Generational change happens while you're busy arguing about disruption.” - a brutal read from one of the best minds in the entertainment business, Bob Lefsetz
Aww, check out this adorable Amazon delivery robot!
That’s it for this week. There is a 27% chance that you are reading this newsletter in the middle of an epic 6 hour Australian Open final between Nadal and Djokovic. Whose corner are you in? We’re in the corner of believable made-up stats. If you’d like to get in touch with us, subscribe to The Third Slip and email us. If you would like to find us outside of this newsletter, you can find us on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Until next week, may you find yourself in an evening conversation that’s as absorbing as a Nadal-Djokovic epic. Bye!
