The Third Slip: Issue 85 - Irony Man of India
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that's a 550 subscribers tall statue shaped like a middle finger against conventional wisdom. A statue that stands unmoved against the logic of the system that demands that you give up if the number of active readers you have is less than the number of people required to form a circle for optimal pani puri consumption.
This is issue 85. Issue 85 is different from the Eight to Five Issue, which is a commentary on how we spend the most productive hours of our day in a place that wouldn’t blink twice if we left it. How’s your Monday morning going? Issue 85 on the other hand, is a commentary on what happens when we put in the less than productive hours of our day into writing a newsletter. But don’t take our word for it yet, let’s get to the news…
At Home
Stat(u)e of the nation: This was a momentous week in which a statue dedicated to The Iron Man of India was proudly presented to the world by The Irony Man of India - a Prime Minister who disses Nehru at any given opportunity, but attempts yoga like him, and appropriates his eponymous jacket, claims to be a Gandhian while holding diametrically opposite views, and attempts to celebrate Sardar Vallabhai Patel - a lifelong member of the Congress who had the RSS banned, only to unban it later on the condition that they will not be politically active. But hey, revel in the irony era when despite being an objectively backward nation for the majority of the population on all possible counts, we have the world’s largest statue build for a measly Rs 3,000 crores. (On the bright side, it isn’t as big a disaster as the Shivaji statue.) Wait till 2045 when the BJP Prime Minister candidate Rahul Easwar sings paeans to Rahul Gandhi.
Consume Karela for Iron deficiency: The often misspelled state of Kerala, partly due to its geographical shape of a Karela, often provides the counterpoints to many of the week’s facepalmable news. This week the state that is not famous for any of its statues kept its promise made to fisherfolk whose homes were destroyed by cyclone Ockhi and handed over 192 2BHK homes. While it would be fully justified for the state government to name the apartment building Superiority Complex, they chose to name it Pratheeksha (Hope). Also, in the Kerala and Hope theme, a 96 year old woman topped the literacy mission exam with a 98% score.
Rare beef: For outsiders looking in, the Hindutva gang in India would appear to be pros at eating steak because they have the rarest of beefs. This week, they tagged historian Ramchandra Guha an anti-national and made sure that he is not allowed to teach in Gujarat. And as an added bonus, got the Indian cricket team to remove beef from the menu when it travels to Australia because some random amit_123 was offended with beef being served to the Indian team in England. In case you are wondering: Yes, this is what progress looks like.
Taking the riot out of priorities: Much like Engineering college kids who suddenly find an interest in going to the gym / learning cooking / learning Spanish - basically anything to delay work on their thesis, the Supreme Court said “Ayodhya? Umm… Let’s look at that later. Do we have any easy cases we can knock off till then?”. By which we mean, they’re doing engineering right.
Indian Management of Institutions: Oh, and the ruling party is treating the Supreme Court like WG Grace used to treat umpires back in the day (“they’ve come to see me bat, not you umpire”). Add the SC to all other institutions that have been more undermined than diamond areas in pre-De Beers South Africa.
Capital punishment: Even banning all cars might not fix Delhi’s pollution - that’s how screwed up the air there is (insert joke about ‘toxic political climate’ here).
Not missing the bus in business: Ok, one good news, it’s now easier to do business in India (apparently).
Around the world
Putting the Hun in Shun: Oh no. Merkel’s not seeking re-election for Germany (and, well, the world) in 2021.
Partial men suspended this (10): Sri Lanka has a mess on its hands. Their president suspended parliament for 2 weeks, dismissed their PM, and installed a new one, and things weren’t peaceful.
It’s all going Saud: Saudi Arabia thinks the international outrage over its killing of a dissenting journalist is just a load of pfaff. It’ll probably say the same of its atrocities in Yemen and execution of a woman who was just protecting herself from sexual assault. The guilty king’s younger brother is coming back home from London to criticize him, and you know what that means - we’re going to be one younger brother short.
Parelto Optimal: You can buy this massive New Zealand village for the same price as 3 Lower Parel flats. Since we can’t afford any of those things, we’ve decided to split a box of Kiwi fruit between us.
Not for prophet organisation: It’s amazing what good can be done by an establishment that does not work for the standard capitalistic ideals or religious ideals. Like India’s progressive Supreme Court, the one in Pakistan acquitted a Christian woman who was on death row for 8 years, for insulting the Prophet. Like India’s nothing-better-to-do-than-outrage mentality, there were predictable protests there too.
Chip off the old Stock(holm): Swedes are actually inserting chips into themselves to go cashless, access the gym and all that.
Untied States of America: It’s quite a shitstorm out there: The person who slaughtered Jews last week frequently posted to a hate-filled social media site called Gab; there’s anti-Jew hate even on Instagram; a Congressperson accused the caravan carrying poor Hondurans towards the US, of being funded by a Jew Democrat; and the man atop it all wants to stop kids of immigrants from being US citizens (which is against the Constitution, by the by).
But there’s hope...
Spinal countdown: Three once-paralyzed men walked again - a major breakthrough in treating spinal injuries.
Book lagi hai: A UK bookstore couldn’t afford to relocate, so hundreds showed up to form a book-moving human chain.
Grass tacks: Medical marijuana might become legal in one of the strictest-drug-law countries, Thailand. Remember, recreational weed ain’t illegal in North Korea, while the South won’t allow its citizens to smoke up even in Canada!
Tech
Putting the Sh! in POSH: Google employees walked out, protesting the company’s handling of prevention of sexual harassment in general and specifically the case of Android creator of Andy Rubin (basically they were in the know and paid him a lot of money while saying bye bye).
Ad infinitum: Hmm, maybe Google & Facebook aren’t going to make that much more money from advertising? Oh, and Whatsapp ads are coming!
Social notworking: Meanwhile, Twitter predictably started a Midterm Elections page and is already overrun by fake news & trolls. Go play with your character limits, kid. (Not that Facebook is any better - 100/100 fake political ads posted by Vice got approved)
LinkedOut
Populism + technology + masses who can’t tell fact from fiction = the mess the whole world is in right now: The US, India, Myanmar, Turkey, the UK, Italy, you name it.
Advertising students who use ad blockers - not ironic. They have their reasons.
Universal Basic Income is possible. If countries want it to work. And by that, of course, we mean the USA.
From everything bad comes something good. Americans are becoming more favourable towards immigrants. Thanks, Trump!
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, and why wouldn’t you because just like us it appears you have nothing better to do, find us on Twitter (Chuck | Tony) or send us a funny comment/limerick/encomium on email. Oh, and while you’re here, why not ask 3 of your pani puri circle of friends to check us out and subscribe. Until next week, may someone tell you that the place you stay in is bigger than you think because your large heart can accommodate more than most people.