The Third Slip: Issue 84 - Mansplaining poorly. Orwell actually…
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter in which two men explain what's going on in the world to you lesser mortals because it's easier to do than try and make sense of their own lives. Here's a modified trolley problem for you - if the whole world were a runaway train that's about to derail and drop off into a bottomless abyss, do you do nothing or write a newsletter about it in an attempt to make 3 people smile?
This is issue 84. Or, if you're a George Orwell fan, issue 48. Orwell, of course, was an influential writer whose work has been immortalised and learned by the tiniest of tots as they grow up - Old MacDonald had a farm - a nursery rhyme and also an evocative commentary on the state of politics and news discourse today. In his honour, we have a special giveaway for anyone who was born in the year 1984. Write to us to find out, we can’t give away much here. On with the news…
At Home
Seoul-Searching: One of the benefits of consistently dealing in puns and satire is that your readers are often confused by your grammatical errors - 'Was that a typo or a pun that I just didn’t understand?', you frequently ask yourself before shrugging your shoulders and moving on. Given our understanding of your justified confusion, here we are clarifying that the immediate paragraph following this one is purely factual. You may feel after every two words that this is, in fact, biting satire, but no - this we assure you is very real news. It might be a more evolved form of Orwell’s Newspeak but, in the world that we inhabit, the following is true…
PM Modi has been awarded the 2018 Seoul Peace Prize for his “contribution to high economic growth in India and world through 'Modinomics', contribution to world peace, improving human development & furthering democracy in India.”
CBI for dummies: (Which is completely different from Dummies for CBI as any self-respecting Mallu would tell you.)The CBI raiding the CBI was the most delightful thing to have happened to headline writers for years. Anyway, the CBI’s #1 and #2 are feuding, accusing each other of taking bribes, with the result that both have been sent on leave now. The surreal turn of events of the “parrots in the cage” has left the central government with egg on its face, which is particularly bothersome because most of them are staunch vegetarians.
You can take this to the bank: Meanwhile, in the ABI - ZBI of institutional mismanagement by the government, the RBI deputy chief (who most marketing agencies would die for because his name is Viral Acharya) warned that undermining the central bank’s independence could be potentially catastrophic.
Making a mala out of a mol hill: Following the Supreme Court verdict that allowed women to enter Sabarimala, sporadic protests broke out in Kerala. While there is scope for nuance in understanding why major social changes may not happen overnight, there is one thumb rule to know which side you should stand on - the one that’s not Amit Shah’s. Visiting Kerala this week, he threatened to bring the democratically elected state government to its knees for arresting his hardline Hindutva friends who were violent protesters. The Kerala CM Pinarayi Vijayan replied “Bro, we are enacting a Supreme Court order and ensuring the fundamental rights guaranteed by our constitution are in place. Please go read a book. Just any book will do.”
Gujarat Model: Fascinatingly, when a powerful company sues media for defamation, Ahmedabad is a preferred High Court destination - for ‘fees’ purposes.
Fizzling out: ‘Green firecrackers’ - oxymoron of the week - are allowed between 8-10 PM only. South Indians are pissed, as there, celebrations for Deepavali happen in the mornings.
From Trumpistan
Explosive politics: Someone tried to send bombs via physical mail to prominent Democrats - Obama, Hillary Clinton, billionaire philanthropist George Soros, and others. Trump condemned this, probably while stifling a yawn. The FBI later caught him, he was (as expected) a Trump fanatic.
What stinks? Arm Pitts: Someone with a gun killed 11 Jews in a Synagogue in Pittsburgh with less-than-hidden hate speech. He was (as expected) a Trump fanatic but obviously not a terrorist because he’s a white man, and as the majoritarian party keeps reminding us “White men khatre mein hai”.
Borderline offensive: A caravan of central American asylum-seekers (mostly Honduran) is headed towards the US, providing Trump the perfect visuals to rile up his nationalistic ‘Murica base as the Midterms approach (while Democrats accuse Republicans of planting it for the same purpose). Nobody’s quite sure what will happen to them when they reach the border, but it says something about their home countries that they’re willing to trek across 3 countries to reach an unsure future. Imagine your job is so bad you’re willing to work for Lehman Brothers.
Chak de fate!: Like all bad things, The Trump Phenomenon has led to some good things - like getting lots of techies to find solutions to get people to vote (and making China-Japan friends again. Nothing fosters friendship like a common enemy as SRK taught us in that hockey movie)
Around the world
Journalistic dissection of a journalist’s dissection: When an Erdogan-led Turkey gets to claim the moral high ground on an issue, you know that’s pretty fucked up. Here’s the brief summary...
Saudi Arabia: “We’re very sorry we killed and dismembered that journalist… We mean… Er, that he died… At the hands of Saudis, yes, but… Er, ah… Hey, look at how much money we have!”.
US: “Aw, you guys!”.
Rest of the world: “ಠ_ಠ”.
Turkey: “What an opportunity to show the world we’re woke!”
Putting the EU in reuse: All across the EU, plastic straws & other disposable things will be phased out by 2021, and residents have to recycle 90%of plastic bottles by 2025. Hilariously, UK will have to do this while they’re still part of the Union. Also, Italy fined Samsung and Apple for deliberately slowing down their phones (remember that?).
Brazilian wane: It’s very likely that Brazil’s Trump (he’s much worse) will become president.
Joint effort: And in what looks to be a recurring TTS section, Canada on Weed has given us this gem: A girl scout sold all her cookies outside a pot dispensary in record time.
My shipwreck is bigger than yours: And finally, here’s the headline for the week provided by the world’s two favourite shipwrecks - “Brexit is another setback in the long, bizarre saga of the Titanic II” (read)
Arrested development: Smile-inducing news of the week now: these robbers in Belgium were told to come back later as the shopkeeper didn’t have enough cash. They did. And got arrested.
Biz and Tech
Night Sight might fight light blight: Holy shit, Google Pixel 3’s night mode with “Night Sight” is something else.
AI you: Here’s a Christie’s-auctioned- painting made by AI, and here’s an album made by AI. Oh, so your creative job is safe? Ok ok. Start a newsletter.
Musk-a-tears: Tesla turned a profit! (Mostly thanks to the Model 3) and The Boring Company’s first tunnel will be open in December. But that’s not the biggest Musk story this week - he asked the internet for its dankest memes and got owned.
LinkedOut
We’ve all wondered why we don’t just vacuum carbon dioxide out of the air. Well, your Captain Planet dreams are now being researched heavily if we’d still like a planet by 2040.
“Capitalism is When the World’s Richest Man Gives People a Raise But They Still Barely Earn Enough to Live On”. Ouch.
Rwanda. Once one of Africa’s poorest countries, home to a brutal genocide - is today a tech leader, with campuses for Google, FB and even Carnegie Mellon, and one of the business-friendliest countries in the world. Excellent story.
A fantastic piece by Hillary Clinton: American democracy is in crisis.
The story of Japan’s weird obsession with Kit-Kat. We recommend the wasabi flavour.
Many of you have asked us why TTS isn’t more popular. Okay, we made that up. But anyway, in case you need a scientific reminder that where you already are and where you end up is mostly dependent on luck.
That’s it for this week. Outside of this newsletter, you can read us on Twitter (Tony | Chuck), inside of this newsletter it’s too dark to read. And you thought we weren’t Grouchyo Marxists. If you’d like to write to us, with feedback, suggestions or a general “Hi!” send us an email. Also, subscribe to this newsletter and tell your friends about us. It will make you seem better because of the Contrast Effect. Until next week, may your real-world life be like your Instagram feed. Bye!
