The Third Slip: Issue 79 - French Toast
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that offers a temporary respite from the madness of the world, where words dance drunk on the streets for a brief period of time before being submerged in a deluge of other unnecessary emails. There’s a visarjan metaphor for you. Yes, yes we surge occasionally with our wordplay.
This is issue 79, which means that we are over 18 months old now! That’s definitely not enough experience for us to consider ourselves scribes by any stretch of imagination. But since 18 months is more than 12 days, we could start making tanks for the army or something, as soon as we learn the requisite language from what’s that organisation called? Oh yeah, Reliance Française.
Cheery Blossoms
Breaking the grass sealing: South Africa legalised the use of cannabis by adults in private places. Wow, we’re starting on a high note.
Tusk-manager: Britain’s plan to Ctrl+Alt+Del their way out of the EU met with a blow this week as Donald Tusk, President of the European Council rejected Theresa May’s Chequers plan. Meanwhile, in a week where French Presidents are calling out “liars” for what they are, Emmanuel Macron said the same about the people who brought about Brexit, doing away with diplomatic niceties (diplomatic nice ties are still being worn by him though). Full comedy only.
Bro-K-back mountain: The two Koreas are pretty darn serious about becoming friends, they even opened a special office for that and the two leaders climbed a mountain together. It is not clear yet whether they misunderstood the phrase “leadership summit”, but we’re not complaining.
Green H Gases: The world’s first Hydrogen-powered commercial vehicle will be a train in Germany, and Apple’s investing in ‘negative emissions’ by planting loads of mangroves. Neat. Meanwhile, in India, we don’t need to reinvent anything to better our atmosphere because cows exhale oxygen (according to a minister, which is a catchall phrase for ‘um... no’).
Taking the F U out of refugee: If the on-going Asia Cup (don’t bother watching, except for Afghanistan who is killing it) is any indication, Pakistani fast bowlers have become way less hostile over the years. Even the older ones it seems - Imran Khan might grant citizenship to as many as 1.5m Afghan refugees!
At Home
Pardon my French: For all the NDA’s, er, lapses of moral judgement, one has never really accused them of being corrupt. Until now. They were accused of giving a big defence contract (a local partner for the French company Rafale) to Anil Ambani who has no experience in building planes, instead of the veterans at HAL. This week, the then French President Francoise Hollande said - yup, Ambani was the only option given to us. How dare he, that antinational Frenchman who has Holland in his name he can go to Pakistan. Meanwhile, that blimp you see outside your home is Rahul Gandhi’s smugness.
TTS Word of The Week: What’s a good phrase to describe the situation when someone who calls themselves the best thing since sliced bread end up with egg on their face, and get grilled before being served on a platter? French Toast, of course.
Defensive Minister: Meanwhile, Defence Minister Nirmala Sitharaman got her priorities right by telling the nation that forces within JNU are waging a war against India. LOLOLOLOLOLOL. The minister, on the other hand, is waging a warp against logic. Also, in a week in which she (hopefully) made a faux pas by saying the Indian army is cutting the heads of Pakistani soldiers (context is important here, it was in response to a loaded question) and the Indian government said no to talks with Pakistan, army chief Bipin Rawat welcomed the decision saying the other side “must feel the same pain”. Sigh.
Capture the bishop: When you move across the board with a chequered history, stepping only on black squares in the process you will eventually run out of safe squares. This week, after he was relieved of his pastoral duties by Pope Francis, Bishop Franco Mulakkal who has been accused of rape was finally arrested in Kerala. About time.
Jettisons: Use up those Jetmiles quickly: With debt, tax problems and nosebleed-inducing-flights, Jet Airways doesn’t look like it might be around for too much longer. Meanwhile, in some happy flight news, we also got to listen to some fascinating audio this week of Air India pilots keeping their calm and making an emergency landing at Newark.
See you in Quote
“RSS is not dictatorial! RSS hearts women and Muslims. RSS thinks Congress has done a lot for the country. RSS has no say in the government!” - RSS chief, clearly hiring a different speechwriter as the government.
“LOL Konark Temple is a joke” - some dude; “Oho!” - Society.
“And I’m definitely not running for the BJP” - Baba Ramdev, doing an Aboutturnasana
“Hey but I’m running. Not for the BJP though” - The maniac who hacked a Muslim on camera
“Ooooh here’s a state we haven’t polarized yet” - BJP. “Yawn? Hmmm?” - Tamil Nadu
“English is an evil left by the British but our own GST site will not be in Hindi k thanks” - our Vice President.
“MORE SANCTIONS MORE SANCTIONS” - Trump’s learned a new word and is not afraid to use it. Poor China.
“Imma gonna record the President, and then convince you guys to move to impeach him, k?” - The Deputy Attorney General of the US, to its President’s colleagues. What a time to be alive! This is the only man who has the power to stop the Russia investigation, by the way.
“Imma get you outta there!” - Russia trying to help Julian Assange escape UK.
Business
Putting the ‘can biz’ in cannabis: Don’t look now, but Coke might make weed-infused drinks. One might remember the company’s past, which involved actual cocaine ingredients (which kinda explains the Thums Up ads).
TIME is money: TIME Magazine was sold to the co-founder of Salesforce… For $190m (at a time when an app that puts animated dog ears on your face is worth billions). Nobody has approached TTS to buy us out yet :-(
Better safe than sorry: Tesla got a perfect rating from the safety administration. Phew, finally some positive news... Stay away from Twitter and trying to rescue cave kids, Elon.
Mental Makeup: Why does North Korea’s government have its own… Cosmetics line?
Tech
A sound future: Amazon released more Echo devices than you know what to do with. Including a clock and microwave. Amazon’s also getting super-aggressive about, y’know, regular retail - 3000 cashier-less stores planned by 2021.
IntimiDating: Facebook’s hiring a Human Rights Policy Director so the Director of Growth has someone new to ignore. And it’s also extending its Bug Bounty to 3rd party apps, and rolling out Dating.
Love handles: Twitter seems to be getting a new lease of life. It’s using, well, itself well and it’s a good time to spread cheer - what with all the vitriol usually associated with the platform?
Toeing the Linux: Linus Torvalds has stepped aside as the benevolent dictator of Linux, to take time off and learn how not to be an asshole on email. No, really.
LinkedOut
So much has been happening in the whole Russia-US-Elections thingy, it’s easy to get lot. Here’s a fantastic ‘summary’.
Heard of Mukbang? It’s a South Korean-started-meme where you broadcast yourself eating lots. Watch out next Onam!
The Indian government’s reaction to the rising rupee is as thought through as Mohammed Shami’s approach to batting in test matches.
Here’s an interesting idea to make electric cars feasible: Hook them up to power cables. Kind of.
Eliud Kipchoge made headlines with a jaw-dropping marathon world record in Berlin this week. Here’s a wonderful read on the greatest marathoner ever.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to find us in the virtual world, we’re on Twitter (Tony | Chuck). Have something to tell us? We’d love to hear from you on email. Also, Andy Zaltzman is coming to Mumbai (and Bangalore). We’re likely to be at the Mumbai gig on 2nd October, come say hi if you spot us? Have you not subscribed yet? What nonsense. Please remedy immediately. And as penance, please sign up 3 friends too. Hmph. Until next week, may you catch up with an old friend and pick up right where you left off.