The Third Slip: Issue 76 - Naxali Nakli Nikli
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip the weekly newsletter that is so niche that we haven’t even received one abusive comment so far. To be honest, we keep using Hemingway App to make sure our reading level is above grade 8 to convince ourselves that that’s the reason why we don’t receive any troll-level comments, and not because … you know… nobody reads or cares. Hey universe, we exist okay. Hmph!
This is issue 76, and by the time you finish reading this, India would have essayed either the greatest comeback in an away test series ever, showing true character and determination or a shambolic and shameful defeat in which the purportedly best batting lineup in the world have been exposed as flat-track bullies who can’t even make 245 runs in the second innings. Please choose the appropriate extreme response so we can move on with the rest of the news…
India
Naxal Decongestion: The government tried to arrest five human rights activists for - you know, existing. (The actual trumped-up charges have been dismissed by most as laughable). And before social media could finish saying how Indira at least had the decency to announce an Emergency, the Supreme Court said nothing doing: saying “Dissent is the safety valve of democracy If you don't allow the safety valve pressure cooker will burst.” (Aside: are judges misunderstanding the term Poetic Justice?). Earlier in the day, flop filmmaking specialist Vivek Agnihotri tried to put together a Twitter list of #UrbanNaxals and boy did that backfire. And as a bonus, we also got to see that brilliant interview with Newslaundry. As always, nobody says it better than Humans of Hindutva.
The fabric-ation of democracy: In a week in which R. Ashwin disappointed in England, someone stepped up to the plate to take his place as the greatest spinner India has ever produced. Arun Jaitley tried to tell us that the true purpose of demonetisation was something do with Texas. Or was it Taxes? Some rubbish. This one pitched outside leg, hit us on our legs outside off and would have missed even the third slip if we’d left it alone. Why did he have to do this you ask? Because the RBI revealed this week that 99.3% of the demonetised currency it is back in the system :( Yaar this means the Bold MoveTM was based on nothing, and we shot our own economy in the foot, all those people died for no reason, but at least we all now know the word ‘demonetisation’, how to stand in a queue, and that there are soldiers in Siachen.
The Third Slip Fun Idea of The Week I: Rahul Gandhi's Talisman
I will give you a talisman. Whenever you are in doubt, on how much criticism the comments or actions of a leader or a politician deserves, apply the following test. Recall the face of Rahul Gandhi and ask yourself - if the exact same words or actions had come from him, how harshly would it be criticised. Then you will find your doubts and your self melt away.
What’s your Christian name?: Remember Atishi Marlena who did such a good job to reform school education in Delhi that the centre forced her out? She’s back in the news. In order to become AAP’s probable Lok Sabha candidate she dropped her Christian sounding surname. This was the strategy originally adopted by Deepak Gopalakrishnan who goes by the name Chuck to make sure he wins the US Presidential Election in 2024.
Rwing the state of affairs:While woke Twitterati was busy proving their UrbanNaxal roots, a riot-inducing Hindutva leader is still not arrested despite an SC notice, and an ultra-right-wing body that is linked with the Gauri Lankesh murder wanted to blow up Sunburn (I mean, we’re not fans of electronic music, but that is extreme).
Prog Mental: IRDA has ordered all insurers to cover mental health. Seemingly good, but keep in mind most insurance policies cover only inpatients, and that’s a very small percentage of those seeking mental health care.
Aloe World: In a week of annoying brand handle pile-ons (No thanks, Zomato and Netflix), Jio takes the cake for the most brutal burn of the week…
The runway to progress: The authorities are finally doing something about India’s most densely populated, expensive and difficult to live in city - the Mumbai airport name now has a ‘Maharaj’ added to it. The dude who announced this, by the way, has been stalling India’s participation in a regional trade deal. Now that the PM of Singapore can land in CSMIA, we assume one hurdle has been removed.
The Third Slip Fun Idea of The Week II: Outrage tourism. Since India’s favourite pastime is getting outraged about stupid things (like this bulb who went to Kerala to get offended by beef), might as well make it a legit business.
International
NAFTAlene Balls: Er, Trump wants to rip apart NAFTA (y’know, trade deals with Canada & Mexico) and is now negotiating deals with them separately because… He needs something to do to pass time? Anyway, spoiler alert: He’s failing. (But a former Mexican prez wants legal weed to be added!). Also, Trump and China continue to fight in a Mortal Kombat showdown nobody wants to see (especially Trump himself - have you even seen China’s navy?!)
Trade-off: Meanwhile, the EU is shrugging and prepping for life without the US, showing Trump is succeeding in Making America Alone For The First Time and the White House no longer has a legal counsel. The place increasingly looks like a 4th-year mechanical engineering classroom after attendance has been taken.
Senator v/s Treason (anag): Sen. John McCain passed away (RIP), and had made it clear he didn’t want Trump at his funeral! Maybe that’s why L’Orange got pissed and cut off aid for Palestinian refugees, revoking passports for some citizens on the Mexican border, and trashed Google while he was at it.
We did Nazi this coming: Russia and Syria are going to team up - and in the best of times, that’s not a happy sentence. Expect some bloodshed as they try to wipe out rebels. Lots of blood. Right-wing loonies are back in Germany. You might remember the last time… Okay, never mind.
The grass is greener on the other side: Now that Trump and North Korea are not chuddy buddies anymore, it’s up to the South to try and make amends. Sigh. Why does the South always need to make up for the North? (heh). But wait! The repressive North has legal weed while the cool awesome K-pop giving craft-beer making South has banned its citizens from smoking up abroad.
“Which side are you on?” “Genocide”:
UN: We need to interrogate Myanmar for abetting genocide.
Myanmar: Wannnh. Daddy.
China: What’s all this then
UN: We, er, think he’s been up to no good.
China: No he hasn’t. * clenches fist *
UN: Gulp ok if you say so sorry for taking up your time sir.
Statue-tory Warning: Thankfully, in a world with such depressing news, we have… Australia. It’s not great news if your PM’s average tenure is shorter than your 4th wicket partnership. And so, Madame Tussaud’s branch Down Under has given up on Aussie leaders. The rapid turnover means it can’t make wax figures fast enough. Suddenly, Xi’s emperor-for-life plan doesn’t seem so bad does it, you leftist blaggards?
Business + Tech
Where there’s a bill: Berkshire Hathaway. They have unexpectedly invested in Paytm! It makes Paytm look more ‘grey-haired’ and less Chinese, and interestingly puts BH, Softbank, and Alibaba on the same table. You’ve heard of proxy wars (Syria, Yemen), Paytm could be proxy collaboration. Capitalism 1, Politics 0.
Putting the MS in Amaze: You might have noticed Microsoft - the oft-mocked ‘dinosaur’ of the tech world - has been increasingly innovative over the last few years. This week, they mandated all their subcontractors need to provide workers 12 weeks of parental leave! This should hopefully make more companies less like the ones you see on Silicon Valley.
Uberpool: Toyota invested $500m into Uber. Driverless future ahoy!
Past mort..um.. not yet: Last week, we said that retail stores were pwning it in the age of Amazon. This week, we were told that theatres are still thriving in the Netflix era. What’s happening! Next, you’ll say 1600-word newsletters will outgrow Instagram Stories. No? Ok. Damn.
LinkedOut
India bossed the Asian Games this time around with its best performance to date with 69 medals. No one was more impressive than Neeraj Chopra who was miles ahead of his javelin competition. But, he will never break the world record. Here’s the story of how and why the javelin was modified.
Free speech is not the same as free reach. “There is no right to algorithmic amplification.” Fantastic article by WIRED.
Did you know music streaming just can’t take off in Japan?
Technologists are trying to fix the “filter bubble” problem that tech helped create.
On India’s angry young men who have no fear of the law and our lynch mob crisis.
That’s it for this week. No, wait. How can it be? We have to salute the wonderful brands trying to show us secret messages in made up a random group of words (where’s the eyeroll emoji?) And so, here it is.
TTS - A New Benchwarmer. What do you mean that makes no sense? It’s a shit format, please stop. If you’d like to troll us, we’re on Twitter (Tony | Chuck). If you’d like to send us hate (or love) privately, email us. If you haven’t done so yet don’t forget to subscribe and ask your friends to subscribe too. Until next week, may your chases always be emotionally draining but fruitful in the end. Bye!