The Third Slip: Issue 72 - The National Record of City-sense
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that didn’t remove 40 lakh subscribers from its list because we don’t have that many readers we have a progressive immigrant policy. Come one, come all and partake of the madness that is world news.
What a week it has been with the Indian cricket team giving us some much hope by playing fell on foreign soil but just falling short. Sigh. But, speaking of playing on foreign soil and falling short - an edited version of this TTS issue is on Arre as TL;Dr. - The Timeline Doctor for an Attention-deficient Generation. See how we couched our excitement in a nonchalant humble-braggy manner? And you say we haven’t evolved. Next, politics! But first, the news...
At Home
Sen, Sir: Two journalists at Kolkata’s ABP News who have been critical of the government have been forced to resigned after they busted the fact that farmers praising the PM on Mann Ki Baat, were forced to do so. Serves them right. How dare they do actual journalism instead of just rehashing stories from the internet as news?
Naam ki baat: What’s in a name, you ask? If the names of kids these days are to go by, everything. The latest fad is to get them on top of the roll call list by giving them names like Aaryav and Aagolavathkaran. And so, in a bid to climb up from the bottom of the state list to #4 (no, seriously), and also to have one common name in all languages it speaks, West Bengal is to be renamed as Bangla. Incidentally, this is the same strategy used by Arsenal to start every season at the top of the table.
Assam of all parts: The National Register of Citizens (which we had no idea about a week ago, but we’ve now read copious amounts of 1 Wikipedia article about it) was set up in 1951 and then updated in 1971 to record Indian citizens in Assam. The final draft version was released this week and 40 lakh people are excluded. That’s over 12% of those who applied now being classified as illegal immigrants, many of them despite having necessary records and following the tedious procedures involved. Naturally, there is a political angle to it and the ruling party naturally assuage fears with one of its MLAs from Hyderabad saying “shoot illegal Bangladeshi and Rohingya if they don’t go back like gentleman”. This is what you have to love about these guys. As the French say, there’s a certain genocide quoi about them. Je ne sais pas.
Dam Son!: Idukki in Kerala is known, of course, for Idukki Gold (which much like TL;Dr. is a joint effort). Relentless rains have caused the water level at the dam to rise to dangerous levels and an orange alert was issued. They say never read the comments on the internet, but this is one case in which you should make an exception. 99.5 marks for the comment; we’re cutting 0.5 marks because, no Oxford comma.
U & I. DAI!: After TRAI chairman RS Sharma challenged people to do their worst with his Aadhaar card, hilarity ensued - personal details, daughter’s email ID dug out, and more (he maintains he didn’t lose, much like South Africa in that semifinal, perhaps). In any case, UIDAI supplied this Friday’s Woke Outrage as it added itself to your contacts list (last checked, temporarily unavailable). The number is marked by TrueCaller as ‘Pharmacy’. Apt, given how Aadhaar is trying to doctor the society (contrived joke, we know).
Pseudo Coup: Who needs numbers? Definitely not the Indian government - who’re seeming to get along fine without a chief statistician. Well, to be fair - there are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and lies about statistics not being available.
Kingfisher Strung: The King of Good Times could now be the Occupant of a Dingy Cell, if extradition happens. His parting wish was to meet Kohli & the team in England.
Party Animals: Bullet Points
Things folks from the ruling party said this week.
“Rising Muslim population responsible for rapes in India” - MP from UP.
“Rohingyas staying illegally should be shot dead” - MLA from Telangana.
“Cow slaughter bigger crime than terror” - MLA from Rajasthan.
“Hey, remember that 15 lakhs I promised each of you in 2014? Now I’ll get you a house to keep it in, by 2022!” - you know who
Ya ya Mehul Choksi is nice guy, give him Antiguan citizenship, no problem - someone
The geopolitical facepalm that is the US
Opposable Trumps: Not a good week for Trump. He lost support of his buddies over at National Enquirer (who have rights to a saucy scandal story) and the billionaire donors, Koch brothers and despite his vehement defence of Putin, there is evidence of more Russian interference in elections. So he’s taking out his anger on fuel-efficient cars and just wants to get the damn Russia investigation done with - begging his Attorney General to stop it, and saying he’ll have that damned interview with Bob Mueller.
Trial blazers: On the side, Trump’s ex-campaign chairman, Paul Manafort is on trial for doing shady things, and he’s trying to pass on the blame to his ex-deputy Rick Gates, leading to the stellar Vox newsletter headline: “Manafort's defense tries to roll Rick”.
International Domestic News Now: For some reason, UK’s foreign secretary called his Chinese wife Japanese in Beijing. It’s like they need to complete a humour quota for the week, and since Brexit didn’t deliver any laughs…
Pooh Poohing: It seemed unthinkable a few months back, but XI time winner of Best Winnie The Pooh Lookalike and China’s overlord Xi Jinping is actually facing criticism at home thanks to economic problems and a vaccine scandal.
Khul ja Zim Zim: After the ouster of Mugabe, one thought that the nation of Zimbabwe would have fair and open elections. LOL no.
Kabul bhulaiya: Er, Taliban beat ISIS in Afghanistan. This should remind you of the good ol’ WWE days when two ‘bad guys’ went up against each other and you didn’t exactly know whom to root for.
Undertaker of responsibilities: Speaking of the WWE, remember Kane? Yes, The Undertaker’s half-brother. Well, he has now been elected the mayor of Tennessee. Looks like content about his wrestling career will now be constructed in past-tennessee.
Shape of New: Congratulations, fans of mensuration. We have a new shape - Scutoid.
Techila Shot
The truly big apple: Apple crossed a market cap of $1 Trillion!!! this week (we wanted to put it in all those zeroes, but apparently there’s a character limit here. This newsletter can’t handle more than two characters).
Censor and sensibility: Remember when Google used to claim that their motto was “Don’t be evil”? Well, in the face of relentless capitalism you sometimes have to compromise on your moral compass. Google said they will comply with China’s harsh censorship rules as long as they get a foot in the door. Isn’t it a swell 21st century, folks?
Diet Coal: Germany can’t seem to quit coal. What hope for the rest of us? :(
Yes-bell Prize: If you’re a wireless audio company, how do you announce your NASDAQ IPO? By making the famed bell Bluetooth, of course!
Carobar: We’re bleeding money but we swear profits are coming - Tesla (again)
TickTockTickTock Boom: Musical.ly (a billion dollar make-your-own-video company) shut down after getting acquired. It will now be available in the app TikTok.
LinkedOut
How do you make fashion interesting to nerds? On stiletto heels and the scientific breakthrough that led to them.
Our neighbours are desperate for change, and in Imran Khan, they might just get it. Or not.
You will not see a Kiki Challenge better than this. This might be the only happy cow-based news on TTS since inception.
Why Facebook ends up causing so much evil. Unintentionally. (Hate things like this? Why don’t you apply to be their CMO?). Also on Facebook, here’s a fabulous look at its early days: Red Bull, sex, coding and mindless optimism.
In this corner, from Seattle, weighing $837b, Amazon! In the other corner, from Arkansas, weighing $264b - Walmart. It’s the biggest battle in retail - now FIGHT!
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to automatically add yourself to our followers' list, subscribe to The Third Slip and follow us on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). We know there’s something you want to tell us, go on send us an email. We’d love to hear from you. In case you’re wondering, we will continue with this regular(ly weird) format of TTS till we get bored, so do share it with your friends if you like reading. Until next week, may you have a surprisingly productive debate that leaves everyone feeling pleased.