The Third Slip: Issue 65 - World’s Cup Runneth Over
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip in this most glorious week when Sports has cured all the ills of the world, including brokering peace with North Korea, and we’re in the happiest possible mood. Incidentally, TTS is the only newsletter that was allowed to attempt qualification for the World Cup but hum ne Sochi ki what’s the hurry? Why Russia? Let’s enjoy the sunshine and have an extended Samara happiness with some family. In fact, my first Kazan’s in the next room as I type.
Speaking about sports, do you think Sampras could have beaten Bjorn at his prime? As pure as he is, unforced errors would have been his undoing we feel. After all, Saint Pete errs Borg. Anyway, enough of this cryptic communication. We can see many of you typing out SOS with dots and dashes, yes we can see your Moscow-ed. So now, we will tell you the essence of the news in short. Jee haan abhi ham aapko Saransk bata denge...
India
Shikanji Shambu: They say form is temporary, class is permanent. And so, after a brief hiatus, dynasty’s child, Rahul Gandhi, returned to action again making dubious claims like 'Coca-Cola initially started as a lemonade stand'. Of course, well-informed readers of TTS know that, as covered in issue 63, Coke started out from a mix of Cocaine and Wine. Basically what we are saying is, can we sign up the leaders of our top political parties to The Third Slip already?
Fit as a fiddle: Some ignorant anti-national elements accuse PM Modi of being Nero on his fiddle while Rome burns down. Idiots. The best leaders understand the need of the hour and act accordingly, often at the cost of great discomfort to themselves. And so, understanding that the people of India needed a morale boost, the greatest of them all to have led our nation took to the exercise arena this week, filmed himself using professional cameramen to give us endless meme fodder. Truly blessed to have such inspirational leadership.
Eggs Kejriwal On: Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal has been protesting for a while about the centre’s interference and the roadblocks thrown in his government’s way. This week, he received support from 4 Chief Ministers of major states (non-BJP ruled, duh) who said they would request Modi to resolve the issue. It may be a bit late, but it’s heartening to see the central Goliath being taken on by forces uniting for causes.
Bullet Points
If you want life-defying adventure sport, try being a journalist. The latest victim: Shujaat Bukhari, often critical of the government and a champion of Valley peace, was shot dead.
Not as ambitious? Cool - just protest against the government’s pet corporates (hi Vedanta!) and just get arrested instead.
VHP leaders tried to vandalise part of the Taj Mahal, saying it blocked the entrance to a Shiva Temple. If these folks are really such Shiva fans, they should take another leaf (heh) out of his book and, well, chillum out.
And in this week’s episode of Outrageistan: Bhakts vs Priyanka Chopra.
Comic Belief: Mush-room Cloud
International
Be the Changi you want to see in the world: Bill Clinton told Colbert, “We should all hope Trump succeeds”. So this week in Singapore, when the heads of USA and North Korea met (for the first time in 60 years!), it was hard to wish otherwise. Even though the agreement was optimistic but vague, you can’t deny the optics and (hopefully) groundwork for something more concrete (a phrase that might be literal, since salesman Trump started talking real estate in NK). Kudos to his I’m-feeling-lucky approach to diplomacy, really - it’s quite unlikely this meeting would have happened had we had a conventional president (you know, one that doesn’t go from ‘Little Rocket Man’ to ‘Talented, great personality’ in 3 months). Who else would take an impulse decision to stop military drills with South Korea, something that stunned everyone involved? Now for the inevitable Nobel Peace Prize rumours.
3 pals 1 cup: In a week where Trump pissed off Trudeau, the most hilarious news is that their 2 countries along with Mexico - will host WC2026. Assuming it’s still 3 countries by then. Or we have a World to have a Cup for.
Meanwhile, the famously curt & to-the-point Russians are being ‘taught how to smile’ and be warmer to foreigners. This might sound strange given our please-all culture, but we’re talking about a country which has a proverb: “Laughing for no reason is a sign of stupidity."
Other happenings around the world
DJI Bravo, Champion! Champion!: ONE drone, the DJI Inspire 1 Quadcopter, managed to reduce a Mexican city’s crime rate by 10%. Overachiever!
Anagram phrase of the week - Enemy Yemen: Things are really bad in Yemen (the world’s worst humanitarian disaster) thanks to Saudi Arabia (whose Crown Prince couldn’t give a hoot, he was away in Russia watching the football).
Chinese Type A: Ooooh. US opened an embassy in Taiwan (you know, that country that China thinks doesn’t exist). This should be fun.
Return Shipping?: Italy’s new populist government turned away a ship with ~650 migrants. Spain’s new government said “Come here instead”. We at TTS know which of the two we’re supporting this World Cup… Oh wait >:)
Yes-No Prime Minister: If international politics depresses you, keep in mind the Brits are on hand with their unique brand of humour: Brexit is still a hilarious flip-flop, starring Theresa May (who by the way, wanted to ‘remain’, remember!) and her political allies, er, rivals.
Pai is irrational, and never ending: By the way, Net Neutrality died in the US - but expect a long-drawn fight.
Pay Wall: Ok, ok, let’s compromise. You let immigrants stay, we’ll give you $25b to build that bloody wall. Ah, US politics!
Stand up Comey: Also the US Justice Department said Comey was insubordinate but fair in his report. Comey said it’s important he was criticized. Wah wah.
Charity truly did begin at home: Trump’s foundation has been sued by New York for all the reasons you think why.
Off the Huff
Not such a genus: How come we didn’t outrage over this? Al Einstein was was a leeeeetle bit racist, so say his travel diaries. Even to Indians. Doesn’t matter, since the theory of relativity was originally mentioned in the Ramayana anyway.
Gas who?: When the world is stressed, Australasia is on hand to help: “New Zealand scientists are breeding sheep to fart and burp less”
On Song: Damn, 24k songs are added to streaming services every DAY. There’s even a website that plays you songs that have NEVER been streamed on Spotify!
Business & Tech
Ah look, AI made a movie. Featuring the Silicon Valley dude.
Finally, someone’s getting serious about grading autonomous cars.
Lulz, apparently, Martin Sorrell used company money for a prostitute. Nobody is surprised, given how he used to buy creative agencies and screw them over.
Snapchat made a kit where app developers could build stuff on top of it. Hmm, wonder how Instagram’s going to copy this.
LinkedOut
Afghanistan made their test debut against India this week and while the test match finished in 2 days, this visual narration tells you why their story is truly special.
Apple, a decade ago, was vibrant and colourful. Now, they’re… a little boring. A fascinating read. (However, they did make this trippy-af ad to overcompensate).
Samanth Subramanian tells the story on how to spot the perfect fake, with the world’s top art forgery detective. Truly fascinating.
Interesting read from Brazil on how WhatsApp is upending unions and transforming politics.
They denied Cristiano Ronaldo’s Portugal a win in Euro 16, and now Messi’s Argentina win in the World Cup. The remarkable Iceland football team’s story as told by their captain.
That’s it for this week! If you’d like to see our Twitter feed during the world cup, follow us (Chuck | Tony). Are you excited about the world cup? Which team are you supporting? What are your favourite stories? Tell us about them, or anything else that’s on your mind via email. If you haven’t yet subscribed to The Third Slip or got a friend to sign up to it, please add this to your list of sins for confession next week. And remedy forthwith by subscribing and sending TTS to 10 friends. Until next week, may you remember every single flaw in your father’s character, and love him even more for it. Because, contrary to popular opinion, he is as human as you are. Bye!