The Third Slip: Issue 63 - Media rare, well done!
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip, the weekly newsletter that puts the whys in whysdom wisdom. Think of us as a pair of flip-flops that’s one size too large - loose and easy to get into. And sure there’s some utility, but more often than not it’s overcooked, uncomfortable, and constantly reminds you of its existence. This is issue 63, and this newsletter has now outlasted two rental apartments for one of its authors! 63, as your friendly car number mnemonics enthusiast will tell you, is 7 times 9. 7, is also known as a stitch, and therefore the number 63 is represented by the proverb: A stitch in time saves nine. That makes no sense. Much like the news this week...
Around the world
Ceasefires ahoy!: India-Pakistan and Hamas-Israel. Yes, when people don’t go around killing themselves in the name of an imaginary dude in the sky, that’s ‘good news’. No wonder the aliens stay away.
I slam: Yes, Islamophobia exists in China. And for that reason, Israel’s Foreign Mission is damn popular on Weibo.
Love baguettes love: The most French thing to happen this week: Their parliament fighting over what to name a pastry.
Alcoinholics Anonymous: The most 2018 thing to happen this week: There’s now a treatment center for crypto addicts! Sad note from the second author who read this: crypto addicts means cryptocurrency addicts, not addicts of cryptic crosswords who are nearly extinct. Meh.
A raze by any other name: The good news is that Myanmar is not killing minority Muslims anymore. The bad news is (you guessed it) they’re killing Christians.
Burqa Death: Denmark outlawed the burqa.
Bus ker yaar!: London’s buskers will now accept cashless payments (ooh look at us using words like busker like we have any idea what it means.). No word yet on whether Softbank is involved (that is, whether you’ll get a cashback).
This week’s Jeffrey Archer novel coming to life story: A Ukrainian journalist faked his own death to catch criminals. The journo has a reputation of being critical of the Russian government, which means that he frequently pisses Putin off. This latest stunt won’t help matters.
Benedict Bumpercatch: In some insanely cool badassery, one of the TTS authors’ doppelganger and all-around superstar Benedict Cumberbatch saved a cyclist from muggers. In real life. What a man.
India
The fourth pillar of democracy done, media rare
Ouch, that stung: So now we know all major news houses in the country would accept money to say nice things about Hindutva and the BJP (not The Third Slip though, our editorial integrity is impeccable - probably because we don’t have an editor. But still.). Predictably, none of the said houses spoke about this - choosing to distract audiences by sinking to newer lows that were not thought possible the Tarun Tejpal case even though they can’t legally.
Some bits are amusing: In other media innovations, India Today went full retard (or full transparent depending on how you look at it) by getting BJP spokesperson Sambit Patra as a neutral guest anchor. The rest of this newsletter will render shortly once the mind unboggles itself from this surreal actually serious construct in mainstream media in the greatest democracy in the world.
Tender? Coconuts!: Meanwhile, the best government in the world has floated a public tender to build a new media command centre for make benefit glorious nation of India. Basically, your own government is going to spy on you and unleash trolls or get you blocked if your version of humanity is against their version of the nation. Fun, fun, fun.
Bypollar disorder: Well, the BJP Election Juggernaut stuttered a little bit, losing a few by-polls unexpectedly. Nobody knows what a by-poll actually is, but the upshot is that if the Congress and all other 42318 parties pull up their socks and get together, there might be a chance that, you know - we won’t have loonies running amok killing people because they sneezed at a cow.
You can’t quit me, I fire: The only certainty about a lovely democracy with equal opportunity for all is that your hope in it will be gutted. Along with incriminating papers against prominent, rich scamsters. And this week, Nirav Modi papers spontaneously combusted inside the income tax office. Sublime sublimation.
No, your honour: In some disgusting news from Kerala this week, proving that region and religion are no bar for assholery, a 23-year-old Dalit Christian was murdered by the affluent Christian family of the girl he loved because how dare he forget caste and ignorance in 2018? Almost as strange as incidents like these being called honour killings.
Ah plastic? | I C asphalt!: Clunky anagrams aside, this hope-inducing story from Kollam in Kerala should bring a smile to your face. Fishermen are hauling in plastic from the sea and converting it into material to build roads. There are miles to go, but hey! This story deserves 5 tars.
Sputter ‘n’ jelly (ok that worked better in our heads): Baba Ramdev launched a messaging app that hilariously was taken off for being too insecure. Unlike the baba himself who’s secure af, so much so that he will contort his body in the form of a lock.
Gained in translation: Modi met another foreign head (Sheikh Hasina of Bangladesh) and true to form, said or did nothing useful. But hey, photo ops! Later, he went to an Asian security summit, where he basically said yaar China be calm. And then, his interview at NTU in Singapore pretty much proved that ALL his interviews are scripted with a translator adding on much more than he said. Wah!
Still somehow the United States of America
Trump’s meeting with Kim in Singapore is back on.
Trump still hates his Attorney-General, saying he wishes he’d never hired him; probably forgetting that he still is his Attorney-General.
Also, the US economy is actually doing damn well, so that gives Trump the excuse to piss off allies with tariffs.
Google’s ‘information box’ that relies on algorithms to scrape info from sites like Wikipedia can be imperfect. Case in point: The GOP’s box said ‘Nazism’, which everyone knows is wrong: It should have read ‘spineless’.
Trivia: If you need a divorce in China, you need to fail a test about your spouse first. No, you look fat in that dress.
Business
Coke-OH Cola: Coke released its first alcoholic product - but in a small island in Japan, a country where they release 100+ products a year, several of which never leave their shores. Fun fact: Coke was originally inspired by a drink of wine mixed with cocaine.
Data Vu: Ex-Cambridge Analytica employees founded a new company that sounds rather close to what their former company was doing, and there are ties to Trump as well.
Tr-ending: Facebook will remove ‘Trending’, a section so useless you didn’t know it existed till we told you.
Clever ruse-ya!: But what is full comedy is that Russia wants Zuck to testify. This is like Hitler calling the manufacturers of the gates at Auschwitz as witnesses.
Keep your China up: You don’t need to play the World Cup to win it. You could get all your companies to sponsor it. You know which country we’re talking about *cough VIVO IPL cough*
LinkedOut
In the first World War, two warring sides just stopped fighting. Irrationally. Fascinating. And that last paragraph!
Manu Joseph has the best review of Infinity Wars you’ll ever read.
A movie you control with your brain!
Amazingly, Mosul in Iraq is slowly getting back to being a normal city again, after being ravaged by ISIS. Amusement parks and all!
The Nipah outbreak in Kerala seems under control, quite miraculously. Just how did they bring it under control so effectively?
That’s it for this week. If you enjoy reading The Third Slip subscribe to us. Also, why don’t you send it to a few friends who might like it? Massive karma points are up for grabs since this brick is nowhere close to being maxed out. If you’d like to follow our general tomfoolery outside of TTS, follow us on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). If you can take a minute to tell us something, reach us by email. Until next week, may you look into the mirror at a new angle and finally see why people around you think you are, in fact, amazing. Bye!