The Third Slip - Issue 61: Democracy's Last Resort
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that comes out every Sunday, best suited to offer absolution for a critical mass of errant non-followers of news accompanied with some song and sermon. On average, this humble apostle epistle now has more loyal readers than necessary for a self-respecting Karnataka governor to invite it to form a government without any drama.
What a week it has been! One in which, the taxpayer has finally got full value for their money in the form of non-stop entertainment from the sacred upholders of the values of our constitution. By now, we are familiar with their playbook of horse trading to create stable governments. But, this week, in a race to the bottom, we witnessed something we’ve never seen before - a farcical floor test that is de-basement of democracy. Let’s catch up without further ado…
The Race for Karnataka
Reddy, Yeddy, Go: The Karnataka election results were out earlier this week and after the party that came to power to the centre in 2014 to deliver us from the evil of corruption - yes, the same one that allied with even the tainted Reddy brothers in Karnataka - came close but failed to secure an outright majority, we all knew what to expect.
After all, the template has been set and perfected in many states by the electioneering Chanakya of modern India - that great leader who has taken us to the unequivocal lowest point of democracy. (The Third Slip officially bestows on him the title “nadir Shah”. Exercise for the reader: In how many ways would this cause consternation to him?). But, despite blatantly unfair intervention from a less than neutral governor, inviting the BJP to form a government over the JDS-Congress combine, and giving them a 15 day period to prove floor strength the Supreme Court upset the apple cart and called for a floor test in one day’s time.
Hurdles curdle: They say democracy must operate on a hire higher power and so it turned into a race against time with Congress and JDS hiding its MLAs in assorted resorts from seeing the might light of reason offered by the BJP to support them and the saffron party finally resigning to its fate. But, not without one final trick up their sleeve - because haar kar jeetne waale ko moral victory milti hai. However, this too was denied because after a tear-jerky speech from Yeddy, the whole party of patriots walked out of the assembly even as the national anthem was being played. Strike 123. Also, several audio clips emerged of monetary and ministerial offers made to MLAs to cross vote for the BJP. So what should have been celebrations turned sour quickly, and much like a picky vegan at their surprise birthday party were less than considerate friends brought cake, it is now distraught and struggling to wipe off the eggy cake from its face.
The Finish Line: Much like following cricket in the 2000s, where we didn’t care who won as long as Australia lost, there is a sigh of relief from us because the manipulative juggernaut is not as unstoppable as it seemed. And finally, there seems to be an opposition of some sort. Call us biased, but we can’t be fans of a party that garners vote share through bigotry, hatred, and fake news: We will take incompetence over bigotry any day.
Batting for justice: Remember how when we were in school, kids used to talk about Navjot Singh Sidhu being involved in a road rage case? To be honest, we assumed it was one of those “there’s a spring in Jayasuriya’s bat” rumours but it turns out this case is real. How do we know? Because, this week, the Supreme Court found him guilty in the case from the year, wait for it, 1988 (The year of our lord nineteen hundred and eighty eight). And the guilty verdict resulted in (you may want to sit down for this), a penalty of Rs 1,000 (One thousand rupees only). This seems like a rather hasty and harsh decision, no?
It’s not cricket, but it could be: An experiment: Go up to a friend of yours, ask them to write down what you say, close your eyes, and say the word “Icelander”. Did they write “I Slander”? No? Bah get better friends who validate the premise of our joke. Anyway, it turns out that the Iceland cricket twitter handle that churns out burns is quite real. What’s more, the Iceland cricket team is officially sponsored by Reddit's r/cricket. What a time to be alive! (Story hat tip: @grondmaster)
Numero UNO: Take that, FabIndia wearing, Scroll-reading, TTS-subscribing leftist libturds! UNESCO says we are the greatest! (greatest in internet shutdowns, but still!)
Silly abhi door hai: Another month, another school shooting in the US. Cue protests, bumbling by the NRA and spineless politicians who love said organization’s money too much to do anything (except offer ‘thoughts & prayers’, of course). And in the next genius version of guns don’t kill people - doors.
Hope is where the heart is
JEE baat!: Several IIT alumni are using their ‘brand’ to push for the repeal of Section 377.
Nuke Dukem: North Korea is going ahead as dismantling nukes (although they did threaten to not go ahead with the US talks, after a US-South Korea joint military exercise)
Humbled Pai: Despite the best efforts of Ajit Pai, Net Neutrality survives for now. And it just might, with 80+ % Americans deciding they like a free+fair internet, Republicans might just decide this is the way to go.
Trumpistan
For some reason, Trump thinks a great way of brokering peace in the Middle East is by officially recognizing Jerusalem the capital of Israel, pissing off lots of Palestinians in the process. It’s like trying to calm a bhakt down by inviting him to an abattoir.
“We hate China and we will do everything we can to impose sanctions and block trade… Except when I have a meeting with their President (whose prez-for-life motto is fun!) coming up because it’s unlikely I can answer tough questions.”. We want to be clever here and use a headline like VOLTE-Face, but don’t know enough of technology yet. Also, the thaw in relationships means Toshiba can be sold to an American company now.
Oh ya Trump paid Cohen hush money about that pornstar thing. Watch Colbert.
If you’re disgusted with the current White House, please remember that without this administration, we wouldn’t get to see Scott Pruit being roasted by the Senate (“Nobody even knows who you are!”) and this delightful video of them trying to figure out if it was Laurel or the other one.
Around the world
Iraq and roll: Someone who hates the US (even without Trump) won the Iraq Elections (yes, such a thing exists).
Gapology: This week in don’t fugg with China. Apparel brand GAP apologized to the Big C because a map depicted the country wrongly (you know, no Taiwan and stuff).
Border pe ladaayi land aayi: Mix potential peace, investor-mindedness and enthu cutletism and what do you get? South Koreans buying land near or in the demilitarized zone! We’re guessing this is the place for fence-sitters.
Our business is our business
Think outside the Cox: Facebook (and all its apps) has a new chief, Chris Cox (aka Zuck has had enough of being the public face for the companies’ many controversies). The company also threw out 200 apps that misused data.
Think inside the... er.. cocks: Poor FB employees, who constantly have to deal with hate speech and nudity. Their transparency report makes for sobering reading. 583 million accounts have been taken down, minutes after their creation. 583 million. In ONE quarter.
Unenviable task: And poor Zuck. He focuses on ‘time well spent’ and using FB to bring people closer to friends / family but it turns out this is what depresses them more. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The snail on the head: Elon Musk - a man who eyes global problems like a stoned proteinhead might a Barbecue Nation starters menu - revealed his plans for The Boring Company. Also, a snail is the company’s mascot, because… Why not?
Putting the game in gamble: Legal sports betting in the US might become a thing.
Money brings power: For an ‘obscure currency’, Bitcoin uses 0.5% of the world’s electricity. What a headline here!
Excellent headlines of the week
“Finland’s rank as the world’s happiest country is very upsetting in Finland”
Sticking with Scandinavia: Sweden’s increasingly cashless society is frustrating its… Thieves. Who now have to resort to stealing… owls. That part of the world is different.
“Sixth in line to meaningless figurehead role marries fourth lead in middling legal dramedy”
LinkedOut
A stunningly good analysis of why WalMart paid so much for Flipkart (spoiler alert: It’s to beat Amazon). This is behind a paywall, but we highly recommend a subscription to The Ken.
Nobody knows if ebooks are thriving or dying. TTS on the other hand, is… Well…
The meme of the week (It’s Yanny, you know it) and its inherent nihilism. Fascinating read.
This one Aussie man has a rare antibody in his blood, and has donated enough to save millions of babies!
And um, this interesting internal Google video which could be a 8-minute Black Mirror episode by itself.
It’s mangifera indica season, the story of the fruit India gave the world.
That’s it for this week (at least we hope so). If you'd like to see what we're up to when we're not doing this newsletter, stalk us on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). If you'd like to get in touch with us and see if we respond, send us an email. What's the worst that can happen? Until next week, may you remain in the pink of health. And in case you catch an out of turn cold, may it make you sound even sexier. Bye!