The Third Slip: Issue 56 - The Fast and The Furious
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that is like a bar of sea salt dark chocolate - still a niche product, with bitter truths from around the world, some sweetness from our brand of humour which you seem to enjoy for some inexplicable reason, best taken with a pinch of salt despite our efforts to remain objectively neutral, and extremely unhealthy if consumed in large quantities.
We strive hard to keep up with the news but fail miserably in matching up with the farce that it churns out at breakneck speed, and nothing in our imagination can match the horrors of the real world. And while we try our best to laugh at the world that’s going to hell in a handbasket, occasionally it fills us with rage too...
In India
The Fast: It is questionable if the BJP is a party with moral fibre in its DNA, but there’s no doubt that most of its strains are made of optical fibre. And so, the party that gives us spectacular optics and PR conducted a day-long fast last week over the paralysis of the parliament in the budget session. Here’s a party with an unheard of brutal majority (pun unintended) that refuses to take up no-confidence motions or questions against itself, seems to thrive on not being answerable to any of its citizens, also steamrolls opposition in the parliament when it feels like (passing the finance bill without debate anyone?), and is distraught that the big bad opposition doesn’t let parliament function. As Modi remarked in Madison Square Garden while standing next to Hugh Jackman, may the farce be with you.
The Furious: There are occasions when words fail to express the horror and disgust at what humans are capable of. So it will be with the Kathua and Unnao incidents. It’s times like these that make you think if it’s not better to live in an ignorant bubble... An 8-year-old was brutally raped and murdered in January, and there were protests against the arrest of the culprits led by an organisation called the Hindu Ekta Manch, supported by members and legislators of the BJP, while waving the tricolour. An 18-year-old was brutally raped by an MLA from the BJP in June 2017 and her father is arrested and dies in custody in April 2018. And after much whataboutery and callousness including an official spokesperson saying it’s the opposition’s plan to “first shout ‘minority, minority’, then ‘Dalit, Dalit’, and now ‘women, women’...”, our great leader and bringer of Ache DinTM finally spoke up when it became untenable for him to not say anything any longer with some empty words. And, as the Indian Express said “the fact that a moral voice is their last choice rather than first instinct already reveals the hole we are in.”
Comic Belief: Violins is not the answer
Sports Interlude: Because when things get too depressing, and there’s only so much damage your liver can take, we must look to a happier alternative. And, there’s nothing bad about Badminton, a sport in which every game starts with the message “Love all”. This week, Kidambi Srikanth became only the second Indian (and first male player) to become the World #1 in Badminton since the introduction of the computerised system. Saina Nehwal, who beat PV Sindhu to claim gold at the Commonwealth Games this week, was the first to rise to the world #1 ranking in 2015.
Instant cure for optimism: Any news related to Uttar Pradesh. We must, however, take solace in the fact that everyone is getting disillusioned by the BJP: Not just newsletter-writing, prog-rock-listening urban elites, but even poor Dalits in MP.
The banking sector is untied united! In a show of solidarity with struggling PSU banks, it seems even private banks have poor governance and shady deals! So ICICI Bank is just like PSB, but with sleeker graphics. Kewl!
US v/s Them: Guess who’s promoting Make In India - The USA who basically wants us to stop importing military stuff from Russia, who’s not exactly US’s BFF right now.
Consent is king: Good news for the week came - again - via the Supreme Court who said any woman can convert and marry if she likes. That seems a no-brainer until you realise anything that makes the BJP sad is probably super-progressive by comparison.
International
Son, fix my Wifi: So Mark Zuckerberg went to Congress to testify. He had prepared to apologize for, y’know, that whole Russian interference thing, but he didn’t need to worry - senators fell over themselves trying to impress him with their knowledge/usage of FB / Instagram / Whatsapp, and generally treated him (as a loyal reader commented) as a nephew working in IT who is morally obligated to fix his uncle’s Wifi. At the end of all this, FB’s valuation grew $24b. Oh well.
Assad State of Affairs The evilest man in the world - Syria’s Bashar al-Assad - just chemical gassed his own people. This is forcing Donald Trump, who was considering taking his troops out of Syria, to reconsider. That should tell you how evil Assad is: He’s making Trump look rational here. But then Trump is Trump, and on Saturday morning he ordered a bombing of precision strikes in Syria which escalated international tensions. Whee!
Look who’s Comeying Back: Fans of Sriracha / Tabasco will look forward to this: James Comey’s new book with several deets of Le Prez. Comey was the ex-FBI director who Trump fired, the same chap who was creepily asked by L’Orange to not investigate him. This should be fun if Trump’s initial unhinged reactions on Twitter are anything to go by,
A Stormy State of Affairs: Mueller orders a raid on Trump’s personal lawyer - drawing a direct link between the President’s naughty behaviour and the Russia investigation. It seems like we’re 60% through a Sidney Sheldon book right now. You can’t help but feel the book will end at November’s midterm elections, especially since Speaker of the House and GOP veteran Paul Ryan has announced he’s retiring, showing even someone who has sold his soul as much as he has, has a limit when it comes to Trump.
I Turn, U-Turn: Last January, Trump pulled out of a trade agreement. Now, he wants to rejoin because it turns out his voter base is actually being harmed. Something everyone at the time knew would happen. What fun!
My Cup Runneth Over: A mysterious consortium wants to buy, er, the Club World Cup from FIFA for $25b. Since we haven’t mentioned it yet in this issue, for no reason let’s speculate that these are Bitcoin Billionaires.
Business
Bike-sharing is a big thing: And now gets validation from Uber itself, who plonked a lot of money into a company called JUMP.
Well, the most valuable company in the world, Apple, is now 100% powered by renewable energy. So that’s something. Interestingly, the company doesn’t have that many billionaires as well, a fascinating fact.
New GMail designs are coming.
LinkedOut
How India reacts to Kathua - the politicians, the media, the people - will determine its way forward. This has an epochal, almost Stoneman Douglas shooting-esque fervour to it.
Interestingly, building a rocket company is easier than an electric car one. You know which we’re referring to here.
Don’t look now, but there’s some controversy over The Simpsons’ character Apu (Hari Kondabolu of The Bugle fame, is involved).
It’s not just in India, in all of South Asia, majorities are acting like persecuted minorities. On conspiracy theories and outrage.
That’s it for this week. Phew! Is there something you’d like to share with us? You can find us on Twitter (Tony | Chuck). If you like The Third Slip, do subscribe and make sure we land right in the primary tab in your inbox along with other important things like emails from yourself to yourself (seriously, who writes emails anymore?). But you can break that trend, and send us your thoughts, feedback, non-anonymous fanmail, verbal threats etc on email. We’re not accepting money yet, but you can offer to buy us beer so we can appear lager than life. Until next week, may you have an unexpected, impromptu fun evening after a friend cancels plans with you. Bye!