The Third Slip: Issue 55 - I'll be buck
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip, the weekly newsletter that adds over one subscriber to its elite list every issue. That’s right, you, dear reader, are amongst the chosen ones and we love our niche audience even if they don’t message us to tell us how cool we are. What do you mean what other choice do we have? Chuck and Tony massage message each other all the time okay? Hmph.
This is issue 55. 55 in Hindi is pachpan, which to two mallus pronounce like bachpan and so you wistfully remember an innocent childhood that passed you by a little too quickly. Yes, a simpler time when Sunday evenings meant the 4 PM movie on Doordarshan which everyone would watch and result in interesting conversations on Monday morning in school as opposed to this strange dread that creeps in, in your 30s, as you wonder why you have to go back to that cubicle again tomorrow and if there is any meaning to any of this. What, you think that’s depressing? What about the news then? Huh? Huh?
Sport
No, don’t worry, we won’t make you reach for that bottle this early in TTS. We start off with a brilliant bicycle kick from Cristiano Ronaldo this week. Just keep watching that GIF. But you know who scores the best hat tricks? Zlatan, of course, who has made it to this section for 3 successive weeks. When he saw that goal, he said: “It was a nice goal, but he should try it from 40 metres.” Legend.
Home
Yeh fake do: Say what you will of the incumbent government, but they do one thing consistently and better than anyone else - make U-turns. Lololol, the BJP wants to crack down on fake news… Oh, it doesn’t. Ok. Probably a good thing, nobody knows what ‘fake news’ exactly is. Sort of like the authors of this newsletter saying cryptocurrency is bad. And sometimes, decisions need to have more nuance than your uncle’s WhatsApp forward.
The buck stops 20 years later: Salman Khan (the actor who was originally named Solomon but then had to change his name later because possessing wisdom is the one crime he definitely didn’t commit) was found guilty of killing an endangered animal after 20 years later, got bail immediately, blind supporters celebrate, media talks about nothing else. How surprising. Almost as surprising as Scroll.in actually expecting parliament to function properly despite a no-confidence motion being tabled.
Let’s caste that away: Last week, we were thrilled that apparently 1.2 lakh Kerala kids chose not to write their caste/religion in school forms. Turns out that only ~1200 chose to do so. But hey, at least Kerala is showing progressiveness by blaming not other parties, but software.
The default in our stars: The Government is sworn to data privacy - its own, or buddies who’ve fled with large loans. Won’t tell, even if the Supreme Court asks. Now if you need government data, the recommended route is to hack their websites. (do not link your browser history to Aadhaar. Your financial details becoming public is one thing, but your late-night YouTube fetishes another).
Sanctionmonious:
US: “Phew, ok. Russia’s being a turd, so I’m imposing sanctions. None of you guys are allowed to talk to him, k?”
India: “Oops, I’m actually going to give him $6b for some missiles”
US: “DAMMIT”
Comic Belief: Global Harming
Around the World
This week in Airmiles-based franship: India-US-Japan are trying to form a diplomatic ‘counter-to-China’ coalition, while China’s new defense minister is heading to (you guessed it) Russia, ostensibly for something more than a vodka tasting session. Meanwhile, Putin met fellow strongman Erdogan (Turkey) and Rouhani (Iran), probably to talk football? Also, Zimbabwe’s new prez headed to China to try and attract capital as he tries to fix his country.
Another week, another...
Trump official in trouble. Yawn.
Headache for Facebook (apparently your non-posted videos are still online!). Next week will be fun: Zuck’s testifying in Congress. Not sure if he’s going to FB Live his trip, though. To be fair, he is working on a lot of features that’ll make it tougher for further politically manipulative ads - it’s worth a 2-minute read.
Tariff pe tariff: Lots more tariffs against China. Fun (TL;DR: China couldn’t care less, and will win, Americans will suffer, especially Trumpaholics).
YouTube Brutus: Shooting in the US. Refreshingly, at a tech company, not at a school; and by a woman this time. Diversity FTW. Sigh!
Strip poker: Deadly shooting in Gaza (yes, that still exists)
This week in the wolf called boy: You thought you overreact? Trump sent the National Guard to protect the border because FOX News saw some… Caravans.
This week in Creative World Outrage: Malaysians are pissed off that a British judge on a cooking show said a rendang wasn’t crispy enough (it’s not supposed to be). To be fair, both authors of this newsletter would be damn riled up if someone pronounced it ‘paratha’ instead of ‘porotta’.
Too much to process: The North Korean government apologized to South Korean media over denied entry into a K-pop concert in Pyongyang. What the what!
Tech
List Prize: Spotify went public (sort of), and now is worth ~30 billion.
The President v/s The Prime Minister: Stat of the week: Remember Trump taking on Amazon last week? Well, hard numbers will dictate the winner: There are more Amazon Prime customers than people who voted for Trump.
Not on Swiggy: South Koreans have taken a liking to… Wasp venom liquor.
Smells like Musk Melon: It’s not been a good week for Tesla - someone using Auto-pilot mode died, news of the company burning through cash was made more public than usual, and it had to recall 120,000 cars. (But, hey, at least Musk is more popular than Zuck right now)
Upsetting the Apple cart: Loooool, Zuck and Tim Cook are trading barbs.
Copychat: Expect group video chat on Instagram soon. Because Snapchat just launched it.
LinkedOut
This seagull-trashing-hotel story is the most hilarious thing you’ll read this week, promise.
Stunning, stunning reportage on ISIS by one of the best journalists in the world, for New York Times.
It’s IPL season, so here’s a look at why Star’s incredible Rs 16k crore deal for IPL rights makes sense.
A lovely bit about how bikes are the chariot du choice of frustrated, jobless, easily-brainwashed young men - that is, Hindutva supporters.
“We will dig through this hole, but it will take a few years”. Mark Zuckerberg on Facebook’s hardest year and what comes next.
Rohit Brijnath on what he loves about sports and what he doesn’t.
That’s it for issue 55 of The Third Slip. Like, love, hate TTS? Let us know on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or better yet, buck the trend and send us your thoughts on email. Yes, we are eternal optimists. How did you know? Until next week, let someone know you thought about them and smiled. Bye!