The Third Slip: Issue 51 - Statue-teary Warning
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip, the weekly newsletter that seems to keep on going relentlessly for no explicable reason. With 51 non-stop issues behind us, the clever reader must wonder if TTS is written by bots given its regularity, consistent lack of quality, and occasional randomness that’s difficult to explain. The not-so-clever reader should also be asking this question now that we have triggered this thought and therefore we must answer: No. This weblication is in fact written by two humans who come from the land of coconuts & pachyderms and therefore have thick skins and patchy-dreams.
This is issue 51 of The Third Slip, or as the Romans would call it LI. Li, of course, stands for Lithium which makes up your cell phone batteries. This issue on the internet, much like those Li-ion batteries in your phone, is essential but also likely to be its most disappointing feature. On with the news...
Home Sweet Home
Lenin, Lenin, Lenin, Lenin, Statue!: Where the BJP goes, goons follow. For instance, in the North East, a statue of Lenin was taken down to signal the ‘end of the left’ in that part of the country. Following which, lots of statues across the country were defaced (including Periyar and Ambedkar!). One suspects that the ruling party’s pre-election promise of “altering the status quo” was badly translated to Hindi as “statues ko nikaal denge”. Mr. Modi, who in 4 years, has turned into the Prime Minister of a new country - CondemNation - did his thing, possibly with the same sincerity that Maradona owned up to his Hand of God goal.
That’s right, folks! In worse news, it’s now clear the BJP and friends want to rewrite Indian history - saying everyone here was once a Hindu, and things like the Ramayana were fact, not fiction, though the committee members claim otherwise. We’re calling it: Some cyber-trolls are going to downrank the Amazon app for classifying said epics as ‘mythology’.
Just a lot of hot AIR: Doordarshan and AIR wanted autonomy. So Smriti Irani said no salary for you. This needs fixing. As much as we might malign DD (clarification for our post cable tv readers: DD stands for Doordarshan, not Delhi Daredevils), an independent public broadcaster is a good idea. We know what the private alternatives sound like in a week in which Republic TV has the highest viewership. We just want to say, if subscriptions are in inverse proportion to the quality of content, this email newsletter is proud of its massive missive audience base.
‘Thank goodness for the RSS’: Is something you’ve probably something you’ve never expected to hear from TTS - but actually, they’re responsible for Yogi Adityanath’s militant party getting quietly disbanded. It’s like when a prick of a client forces your annoying colleague in an ad agency to quit? Something like that.
Thank goodness for the BJP: Because finally, a united front of non-BJP parties might happen. The BJP, it turns out is like Shah Rukh Khan from Chak De India, uniting the country by being dictatorial and annoying to everyone it oversees. Plus, we’ll get to see full comedy: Mamta Banerjee reaching out to the CPI(M), for instance. Was it Kipling who said, “East is east, and west is west and never the twain shall meet”?
Anyway, to paraphrase Twain, rumours of a saffron wave in the North East are greatly exaggerated.
Kabab mein Hadiya: 'Two consenting adults walk into a bar association' is the start of a well-known joke on democracy. For anyone not in the know, one Hindu woman converted to Islam and married a Muslim man. Predictably, there was outrage and the Kerala high court annulled their marriage. Because just. Anywho, this week the Supreme Court said they have had enough and said she could bloody well do whatever she likes. This conclusion shouldn’t be too hard to reach, but such it goes.
Interim Relief
Pulp Fiction: Remember that iconic scene where Jules goes “Say what again! I double dare you!”? Something equally comical played out this week when footballer Sanchez Watt was shown the red card because the referee asked him for his name and he replied with “Watt”. The red card was later withdrawn. You can’t make this up.
Pulp Friction: What goes into making a classic Benarasi Saree? The lubricant from free condoms apparently. The surge in popularity of the family planning measures led to this discovery in Varanasi. This story was alerted to us by @_logik
(Why not send us some fun stuff, we will name and shame you too)
Around the world
Kandy Crush: There’s a state of emergency in Sri Lanka - a Muslim taxi driver beat up Buddhist passengers (yay, religion!). Thankfully, the violence is only in Kandy, which, much to the chagrin of those who have had enough of India-SL cricket, has not disrupted the 8723663rd match this year between the two sides in Colombo.
Putting the mar in Myanmar: They continue their unique solution to controlling population: By relentlessly driving out the Rohingya. Again - its leader is a Nobel Peace Prize Winner, and one major award to her has been de-awarded. Syria, of course, has taken a more direct approach to stem population growth: Bombing the crap out of its own people.
Thoda Kim lag raha hai: Well, what’s happening here? Kim Jong Un - North Korea’s honcho and possibly the dictator with worst haircut after Arindam Chaudhuri - wants to meet with Donald ‘I called him a Dotard’ Trump, to discuss de-nuclearisation. Trump accepted, and here, the screw-everything don’t-overthink bluster of L’Orange might actually be a good thing. Well, let’s see how this turns out, but maybe you won’t need that bunker after all - and you can thank the South Korean president for that. Gotta say the sudden diplomacy by Kim is almost unnerving. What if the proposed meeting goes wrong you ask? Well, wouldn’t you like it if the fate of the planet was to be decided with a childish game of Rock-Paper-Scissors? No? Oh… then you’re in trouble.
Seychelles Secrets On The Seashore: Oh, that Russia-election-meddling thing? Turns out Trump’s associates met with some shadowy Moscow dudes in faraway Seychelles, and (in what will surely become a crime documentary someday) Mueller is determined to find out why. By the way, if you have no clue about the whole meddling thing, it was a work of art by the Russians, and you can get the 101 on Chuck’s podcast, Simblified #plug. In more meddling news, a former Trump aide made a fool of himself by refusing to give Mueller access to his emails etc on air, becoming a minor celebrity in the process. Nobody had any clue who he was.
Trump’s Tariff: Details in his new book: How to alienate allies and make consumers pay more (but hey, at least the Rust Belt is happy!). Bonus trivia: Connect Trump’s tariffs with Gujarat? Elections, of course! Basically, SteelGate:Pennsylvania::Khakra:Gujarat. Yay, democracy.
And if you want a sign of the US’ diminishing importance in the world, a massive APAC trade deal was inked, with the ‘biggest economy in the world’ notably absent.
San Francisco is sinking! Too bad they’re full of left-liberals - the climate-skeptics all live in the heartland, far away.
The good news section
Okay, Pakistan is trying to be frenz with India. For now.
Facebook is serious about banning hate speech - a racist political ad in Hungary was taken down.
Phew, Germany’s government is stable thanks to a new coalition. However, Italy seems to be veering dangerously right - mirroring much of the disenchantment that has led to populist rising in other parts of Europe (and the US).
1.5 million penguins found off Antarctica, international football returns to Iraq!
If you’re looking forward to US states fighting the US government, here’s a start - Washington enacted a net neutrality law that will not please the FCC. Surely, California’s secession can’t be far behind?
Quote of the week:
“There is no Chaos, only great Energy!” - (who else) Trump about the White House, after one more person (oh, just his top economic advisor) resigned. At this rate, there will be great energy: In the same way that one solitary pinball has more energy than 1000 balls in a pit.
Business
Watch out, Tesla - everyone’s getting onto the electric car train (heh). Especially Porsche.
Coke will be launching its first alcoholic drink (sort of) - in Japan.
Seriously, brands, stop trying to ‘celebrate’ women’s day. Especially if you do shit like this.
But hey, at least there’s so much discussion around sexism - #MeToo was a dominant theme at SXSW.
Techie things
Er, for some reason Pizza Hut made shoes (non-edible), and Bose made AR glasses.
Worried that FB is listening to you at all times? Android P might solve that.
GitHub - the development platform - survived the largest DDoS attack in history. If this made no sense to you, ignore.
LinkedOut
“My new attitude to travel is to skip the iconic - and I thank my father for that”.
A line you never thought you’d see: “A horned-up teen! A viral Tumblr post! Orthodontia! This story has everything!” Yup, that Black Panther retainer thing.
Live in Mumbai and don’t have rabies? Thank the leopards.
Post-work: The radical idea of a world without jobs.
That’s it for this week. Do you enjoy reading The Third Slip? Why not tell us on Twitter (Tony | Chuck), or better yet send us an email. If you haven’t subscribed yet, please do. Until next week, send us your statues’ updates. Bye!