The Third Slip: Issue 45 - Not all those who Wanderers are lost
Hello Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip, the newsletter that to you is like spinach to Popeye - no, it doesn’t make you stronger, but it definitely gives you something to chew on and usually gets stuck in your teeth and no one points it out because they’re too polite and you end up looking like an ass. This is issue 45. 45, of course, is a tricky number as David Cameron once discovered, when he ended up giving a 45-minute speech instead, as was originally instructed, a “4 to 5 minute speech”. But you’re not here for the fun facts, you’re here for the lame jokes. No wait, we mean the news. The news...
At Home
Modi in Davos: “Red carpet, not red tape” was the mantra put forward by PM Modi to welcome the world to India in his address to the WEF in Davos. While he did not clarify if the carpet had turned red because of all the needless violence unleashed in the name of cows, Gods, fictional historical characters, and other such nonsense, he warned the world that a growing number of countries looking inwards was a problem (where’s the irony font). He also insisted that he believed in linking people and not dividing them, and also said that the focus should be on empowering people economically at the bottom of the pyramid even as it was pointed out that the top 1% of Indians now control 73% of its wealth generated in 2017. We only wish that the PM’s speechwriter also occupied his chair.
PadmaaWTF?!: We live in a post-fact world where fake news is indistinguishable from the truth and often drives the narrative forward. So, when somethings sound fake, to begin with, it probably is. And just when you derive these first principles to navigate the complicated world, the mind-numbingly terrifying real news seems to catch up.
This week, to protest the release of Padmaavat, the Karni Sena launched many protests including attacking a school bus with children in it. Yes, we wish this were fake news. Even the most deranged character we’ve seen of late in the movies - Joker from the Dark Knight - used only an unoccupied school bus for his crazy machinations. How are such people around us you ask? The only clue we have to work with, an anagram, suggests that Noah built a separate vessel to cast the crazy ones away but they somehow found a way through - Karni Sena = Insane Ark.
Unrelated TTS Trivia to take your mind off this tragedy: This week marks 10 years since Heath Ledger, who played the superb role of the aforementioned Joker, passed away. See, it worked. Now you are no longer sad about the existence of Karni Sena, you are sad about how Heath Ledger is no more and also the fact that you are 10 years older since that day which seemed more like 3 years ago. You’re welcome. Yes, we accept cheques.
Fate Hate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony: If we may paraphrase Morpheus from the Matrix. In a deliciously ironic twist, members of the Karni Sena in Madhya Pradesh set fire to a fellow activist’s car to protest the release of Padmaavat. Maybe we should just wait for them to wipe each other out.
Kuch karni sakta: The most disappointing takeaway from this whole drama is the fact that no one has the political will to shut down such miscreants. BJP led states actively tried to ban the film before the Supreme Court stepped in, and Congress leader Digvijay Singh commented: “Films which hurt sentiments of any religion or caste should not be made.” We are downcast. And we do not dig.
Say hello to my little sister!: Shashi Tharoor has been (unfairly) accused of being abstruse and recondite (hehe) with his words to the extent of being incomprehensible. But we assumed that applied only to the written word. According to ANI, Tharoor was questioned at the Jaipur airport after someone misheard him say “pistol” when he said “my sister”. Tharoor later denied the incident ever occurred. In another part of the universe, a bank heist was stopped by a brave cashier who assaulted the robber. The cashier later explained that he had gone ahead and kicked the potential robber in his bitcoins only because he didn’t realise that he was armed after mishearing that the robber was carrying “my sister” in his pocket.
Forward-minded Indians: According to the widely shared article from The Wall Street Journal this week, the internet is filling up because Indians are forwarding good morning messages. So much so that Google has developed a special app to combat the menace. Upon enquiring, WSJ clarified that none of these forwards included links to The Third Slip, so please don't talk to us. We are katti with you.
Link your dictionary to Aadhaar: It seems this really is the year of Aadhaar, the word has been chosen as Oxford Dictionaries’ Hindi word of 2017 beating other favourites like “mitron” and “notebandi”
We sleepwalked into that one: The problem with nerds writing newsletters on Sunday afternoons when they should be snoozing is that fact-checking takes a back seat. In last week’s TTS we linked to a funny tweet about Milind Soman’s everyday 7-hour marathon resolution. Turns out it was a gimmicky ad for a mattress. *goes and stands in a corner*
Jo jeeta wohi sikandar: What do you call a potential series decider where the pitch is cooked to favour the home team? A safety match. Turned out to be a good thing for India though, as they pulled off a glorious, gutsy, improbable win at the Wanderers in Jo’burg.
TTS Trivia Section:
Feel good Story: As the Australian Open draws to a close with another Federer victory (we’re just assuming it happens, is there another ending?), there were heartening runs by previously unheard of tennis players. One such person was Tennys Sandgren who reached the quarter-finals after defeating Wawrinka and Thiem. Did you know: “Tennys Sandgren is a tennis player from Tennessee, he is actually named after his great-grandfather who did not play tennis and was not from Tennessee"
Milkshake Duck: Is the internet phenomenon where “a person or character on social media that appears to be endearing at first, but is found to have an unappealing backstory” and sure enough, we found later this week that Tennys Sandgren follows a bunch of questionable alt-right and white supremacy accounts on Twitter.
International
Trump at Davos: For once, Trump struck to the script at Davos and won big, because, as we know with capitalists, there is only one certainty in life: they prefer tax cuts to news about deaths. So when Trump spoke about how America first is not really just about America but about greedy capitalism in general, the WEF was his oyster.
Trump is still Trump: Just to show that he has not turned over a new leaf and is still very much the imperor of immaturity, this week it came to light that the Donald mocks Mr. Modi with an Indian accent.
Paris Accord: Trump suggested this week that he will sign back into the Paris Accord if he was offered a new deal. (We’re not quite sure if he meant “I’ll sign back in if offered a nude eel”, let’s face it we’ve all done crazy things for a good piece of Sushi. What I wouldn’t do for a piece of Hermit Crab right now, oh sorry wrong window.)
Silvio Berlusconi is back: The man who makes Donald Trump look like an altar boy is back in Italy and is likely to be the front face again. Oh joy!
Tech
It’s been quite a week. Facebook CMO quits. Snapchat’s VP of product leaves tech. Twitter COO quits. Everyone else updates their CVs.
LinkedOut
We have a blue moon/ Supermoon on 31st January, don’t miss it (how to watch in India). But what is it and what does it mean to your horoscope? An explainer.
With a preference for strongmen leaders the world over, is democracy in trouble? The NYTimes video series looks into it (first week)
The story of a reporter’s 10-year odyssey through the American mortgage crisis
Pronography has been at the forefront of advancing technology. But faceswap videos are the next thing, and we should all be scared.
That’s it for this week. Have something to tell us? You can reach us on Twitter (Tony | Chuck). Or even better, send us a limerick on email. No, really. We’ll love you for it. If you have not subscribed yet, please do. If you have Whatsapp groups were people are forwarding inane Good Morning messages, retaliate with the link to The Third Slip. Until next week, we leave you with this conundrum: who would win a staring contest between Bruce Banner and Wonder Woman? Bye!