The Third Slip - Issue 4: What a drag!
Welcome aboard this whimsical flight, this is your captain speaking.
It's almost like all the news in the world decides to coincide with the first month of The Third Slip (yes, we’re a month old!). Let’s jump right in, no time for a lengthy intro and all that (in advertising parlance: Skip the strategy slides, get to the damn ideas). Please fasten your seatbelts and do not turn off your laptop or mobile device.
This week in foreign relations
Despite all the political rhetoric, India closet-hearts China - because nothing spells ‘I love you’ more than money. Meanwhile, Aussie PM Malcolm Turnbull visited India (what on earth does ‘exporter of education services’ mean?). Of course, nothing really happened. Except selfies, memes and a cricket reference which we haven’t decided yet is clever or groanworthy.
Meanwhile, what would you feel about a person who merrily executes his own people visiting the, er, Mecca of said human rights abuse, Saudi Arabia? While the official excuse is discussing investments and all that (Bahrain and Qatar are also there), this kinda feels like those times when ‘I swear I am just reading through the PS4 site for, er, client research I promise!’.
And if you needed another reason (or 420) to move to Canada, here it is.
Finally, you never want to read the line ‘countries are adopting Pakistan’s model’ unless the article is referring to reverse swing or Coke Studio. Sadly… not.
The latest in Aadhaar
Having done a terrific job of giving a temporary fillip to the lamination industry in India, Aadhaar is still looks like it will dominate the upcoming B-School admissions Group Discussions topics.
The major brouhaha this week was linking of PAN to Aadhaar - raising numerous questions like : what if my name is different on both, Aadhaar is based on self-declaration entirely and do I actually need to file my taxes now?
And for all the criticism of shoving it down people’s throats, it seems to have solved the long-standing problem of Delhi’s government schools being overcrowded - simply by turning non-Aadhaared kids away. Ingenious!
If you’re on holiday in North Korea, now might be a good time to leave
A US strike group is hovering over North Korea. Retreating to South Korea might not be a good alternative either. And if you felt a gust of wind a few hours ago, that was the collective sigh of relief after Pyongyang’s own missile test failed.
And yes, tourism happens - if the torture of trying to run 42 km in the heat isn’t enough, doing so in a place where a nutjob has the power to press a button and activate nuclear bombs… Oh wait.
Anyway, onto the entertainment of the week that is Donald Trump
Trump cabinet increasingly starting to look like an engineering college class after attendance has been taken. And while his cluelessness about anything apart from himself has been well documented, one didn’t think he’d ask his country’s biggest rival to give him a crash course on SEA geopolitics.
In related news, apparently everyone’s googling about World War III and we are two and a half to midnight on the Doomsday Clock, the closest it’s ever been since the early 1980s. Time to watch Dr. Strangelove again.
Bonus faux pas from Trump’s press secretary Sean Spicer, who said “even Hitler never used chemical weapons on his own people”. Alternative facts are here to stay. After all, alter-native is how white people took over America to begin with.
But finally, Trump is acting like a normal US president now!
The world’s not quite sure what will happen to the newfound US-Russia bhai-bhai now that the US has attacked Syria after Trump believed Assad used chemical weapons on his own people (what a nice man!) and directly called out Putin, albeit in language that a 3rd standard student would use to refer to a Ben 10 villain.
At the end of the week, to prove that he’s continuing to channel his inner George Bush, he went and bombed Afghanistan to ostensibly ‘bomb the shit out of ISIS’
Also, have you ever had that experience where you boasted to a friend that your dog can do tricks, and when he comes over, said canine just pees all over the carpet? Trump experienced what that felt like this week. Dog in question: The US Dollar.
Meanwhile, the one Indian who should definitely have been kicked out of the US is still there and he might abolish net neutrality. Ugh. Now we’ll have to sit and understand the whole thing again.
Blows to climate change
The most progressive country in the world (Germany, who’da thunk it) doesn’t want electric cars (just like McDonald’s wants heart disease?), because of lack of infra to handle the variations in the output of renewable energy, the UK electrical grid is actually going to pay wind farms to… Stop producing it (when was the last time someone was paid for not working? Pratibha Patil / ‘bench’ software engineers?). And while Sikkim going organic has been great for headlines, it doesn’t look like it’s been good for farmers.
Acts of the week
Act I - Abhay yaar!
Neither of us is inclined towards Bollywood - but we salute Abhay Deol possibly jeopardising his career calling out colleagues who endorse fairness creams. He has essentially given his peers a thorough beating on this issue of light skin preference - a fairness cream (Sorry, I cringed too). And meanwhile, this exists.
Act II - #BedsForAwayFans
The champions league quarter final fixture between Borussia Dortmund and Monaco had to be postponed after an attack on the Dortmund team bus on Tuesday. The fixture was rescheduled for Wednesday night, meaning that the travelling fans were stuck in Dortmund without even a thorthumundu. But Dortmund fans are known for being awesome (this is the set of fans that Kerala Blasters fans are compared to after all) and pitched in to provide #bedsForAwayFans.
Monaco won the fixture 3-2 on Wednesday.
What’s happening back home?
This here is a cross between ‘women get raped because they wear revealing clothes’ and Salman Khan. Dynamic (daily) fuel pricing for petrol is coming - which begs an important question: What happens to all those unions whose livelihood it is to go on strikes? Think about them! The Election Commission’s taken a leaf out of Silicon Valley’s books and while it thankfully isn’t renaming itself (Elexn?) or raising multi-billion-dollar valuations despite no profits yet, it IS offering people the chance to hack ‘em EVMs.
The depressing news of the week: Just 7% of J&K believe democracy is worth it (if the Indian government is surprised, they should also wonder why a Pavlovian dog doesn’t particularly like that taser gun. Exhibit A, B, C). The we-must-Hindutva focus of the week shifts from UP to Goa as late-night parties are now banned (perhaps not altogeher a bad thing given the quality of music they play) and the state’s temples might lose their historic sheen. In the midst of all this, it’s heartening to read about how AAP (login needed) has delivered universal healthcare in Delhi.
Oh yeah and the IPL, but who cares about that?
Digital India Zindabad! Sunny (Leone) days are here
What happens when a country full of engineers apply what they learned in their occupation? They share porn for more people to see. A porn clip was accidentally played on the big screen at Rajiv Chowk metro station. We’re quite sure this is not what they meant by stimulating digital platforms for exponential growth in India.
As long as there’s votes in it.
Long back on our favourite podcast, John Oliver said (of the then situation in Mali) that nothing loosens up international (aid) purse strings like finding you’re on oil reserves (which Mali sadly did not have). Just like that, it could be said of India that no politician gives a rodent’s gluteus maximus about you unless… Votes! This is probably what made Modi swallow his pride and suck up to Muslims in Gujarat (ooooh) or all political parties suddenly rush to celebrate Ambedkar (something that would have caused ze upper castes to snort soap in order to purge the thought from their brains a few decades ago). We’re pretty sure if there were enough prog metal fans / crossword solvers in India, both authors of this newsletter would be invited to a few more VIP events. Sigh.
News from the “why would we live with them” land AKA South India
Tamil Nadu is known as the state where the bride’s family does not buy home appliances to help the new couple settle in. Not because they are progressive, but because political parties dole them out for free during the election season. But apparently, there are limits to how much you can bribe voters with as the EC stepped in to cancel the RK Nagar By-Poll.
In a sensible move, NHAI has decided to use English instead of Hindi on Milestones in the state of Tamil Nadu. For now, Raghu thatha can relax.
Movie fans in Karnataka may have to wait longer to find out why Kattappa killed Bahubali because the actor Sathyaraj (who plays Kattappa) had voiced his opinions about the Cauvery water sharing dispute. Since he had spoken about this a while back, one would rightly assume that it’s all water under the bridge, but it seems that that water is a contentious issue.
New Snapchat feature - ratings disappear in 24 hours
In the stupidest story of the week, India has officially changed its national sport from taking offence to taking down ratings of apps they have a beef with. Evan Spiegel, the CEO of Snapchat allegedly said "This app is only for rich people...I don't want to expand into poor countries like India and Spain.” Snapchat has denied this comment. Instead of ignoring the silly comment that was never made, or feel happy that he thinks India has the same per capita earning as Spain if you are patriotically inclined, Indians trended #BoycottSnapchat on Twitter and brought down the rating of the app to 1 star overnight.
In even more glorious WTFery, (please put your coffee away and sit down for this) some patriots thought Snapchat was the same as Snapdeal and started downvoting the latter’s app.
But seriously though, Snapchat should probably be worried about Instagram stories replacing it altogether.
Did we miss anything?
Oh ya. Uber must be breathing a sigh of relief, another transport company and its CEO are acting like total dicks. (also, does this remind you of increased productivity in the office around appraisal time?).
That's it for this week. May none of the flights you take this week be overbooked. If there's something you'd like to tell us, do get in touch.