The Third Slip: Issue 38 - I would have been a millionaire, but my spam filter blockchain mail
Hello and welcome to The Third Slip - the newsletter that purportedly wants to inform and entertain 0.000005% of the world’s population but in reality is only a tool to validate its two authors. This is issue 38. The number 38 has no special significance, much like this issue of The Third Slip which 60% of our subscribers will not read and the ones who do read will not tell anyone about it so what’s the point of this exercise anyway? But 38 is not all that depressing because 0.38 is the most common revolver possibly used for Russian Roulette, which, much like The Third Slip, is a hit or miss game. The gun is called a 0.38 because of its calibre, and 0.38 is equivalent to the calibre of the authors of this newsletter as well. But wait the news...
At Home
Tryst with dynasty: At the stroke of the midnight hour, while the world slept India awoke to life and the freedom to choose any leader of a major political party as long as they are from the Nehru family. After years of “reluctance”, Rahul Gandhi is finally set to take over the reins of the Congress party even as party members questioned his merit.But the latest PR blitz including the Berkeley speech has helped him to shed the idiot tag to some extent and one suspects he will gladly take “dynasty” over a “Tryst with density” headline.
B(l)ank Money: After successfully eliminating all the black money from the country almost a year ago, the government now has its sights set on your money in bank accounts. According to the Financial Resolution and Deposit Insurance Bill, banks can take away your money without your consent in case they are failing. The Finance Minister clarified later that the bill was still under consideration and that money in the bank is safe (or is in a safe, we are not sure which). So, you don’t need to worry, it’s not like this government has ever turned your legitimately held money into junk overnight.
A reference that is too neech: What do you do when for the first time in two decades, your party has a chance at running the incumbent BJP government close in the Gujarat elections? If you are a part of the Congress, you put your foot in your mouth by calling Prime Minister Modi a “neech aadmi” and give him the chance to milk it as a casteist remark for days on end. The Congress censured and suspended him and Lalu Prasad Yadav suggested Aiyar was in collusion with BJP to give them a boost in Gujarat. Meanwhile Aiyar’s comments have now climbed to the top of the YouTube search results for “Greatest Own Goal Ever”
PR hamen kis Modi pe le aaya: There have been only 3 certainties with the incumbent government at the centre : Death, Taxes, and insane amounts of taxpayer money spent on its own publicity. An RTI query revealed that the Modi government spent Rs 3,755 Crores in 3.5 years on publicity. In comparison, The Third Slip has spent Rs 0.00 Crores in 8 months.
There are no words: In case you thought that lynchings were not a thing anymore because they don’t dominate the headlines, this week brought the most disgusting news yet. In a shocking video from Rajasthan a Muslim man is hacked to death and then set on fire by a man who then gloats about the murder. We must collectively hang our heads in shame.
International
Capital, capital: Donald Trump, who puts the dip low in diplomacy, has decided that US will recognise Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. For decades, the US has tried to maintain a position of neutrality to arbitrate between Israel and Palestine, but not so with Trump. Meanwhile, Alexander Pope was found sneezing in his grave as the phrase Fools rush in where angels fear to tread was invoked.
Brexit stage right: UK and EU have arrived at an agreement in phase I of their Brexit discussions. The key decision in the phase includes the agreement of no hard border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland. Although it involves a series of compromises, Theresa may celebrate for a little bit now.
Volcannot able to: Instagram, the social media platform that is most popular for its many filters because its users seem to have none, is the tool of choice for tone-deaf millennials. As Bali’s volcano erupted, our young friends who have the right priorities in life decided to take pictures with the volcano in the background even as locals fled.
ISIS is WASWAS: In some truly positive news, Iraq declared that the war with ISIS is now over as Iraqi troops are now in complete control of the Iraqi-Syrian border. But, as experts note, this does not mean the battle against the ideology of extremism is anywhere close to being finished.
How do you prevent people from being deported?: German pilots stopped 222 asylum seekers from being deported by refusing to fly them. Yay!
Tech
Bitcoin: The cryptocurrency that no one understands but everyone loves to mention the name of - very much like the Hell-Volhard-Zelinksy reaction to one time students of Organic Chemistry - continues to be in the news: for its volatility, people complaining about how they should have invested in it when it was still cheap, and for a 4700 Bitcoin heist (approx $80million at some point in time last week). This put an end to the argument that Bitcoin is not real - if it can be stolen, it exists. Meanwhile, the mention of the word Heist has woken up Jason Statham who was last seen playing some version of Need for Speed to prepare for the next genre of online heists.
Objects in the mirror are cooler than they appear: After picking up fifth Ballon d’Or this week, Cristiano Ronaldo told us that he is the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be. Humility is one of his more endearing traits.
LinkedOut
We’ve been reading a lot about North Korea upping its nuclear capabilities and scaring the crap out of the world. But in reality, experts say Kim Jong Un is acting rationally and the real people in trouble are North Koreans. But how did we get here? A comprehensive explainer.
If you know Facebook advertising well enough, you wouldn’t be overly concerned by it. But its People You May Know algorithm is a different kettle of fish. A look at your “Shadow Profile” on Facebook.
Tsudonku: Japanese for leaving a book unread after buying it, typically piled up together with other unread books. In defence of the antilibrary
How the Russian model of fake news and cyber warfare works and why we should all be careful.
The Third Slip Puzzle Section
The Third Slip takes pride in being the only half-baked newsletter in existence and to celebrate, we have half a cryptic crossword. Send in your answers to win bragging rights :)
Across
10) Take small or large? Last of booze consumed (5)
14) Club ripe to be destroyed by TV Channel (7)
18) Making level the latter part of the day (7)
Down
9) Ripping apart circular band created by drink (7)
16) Insect found in mean terrain (3)
That’s all for this week. If you would like to get in touch with us, you can find us on Twitter (Tony | Chuck). Or if you really care, you can drop us an email and cheer us up - after all, tis the season and all that. If you haven’t thought of a good Christmas present for your friends, family, acquaintances or strangers on the internet - may we recommend a free subscription to The Third Slip. Just sign them up no? Until next week, we leave you with what we really know about Bitcoin. Bye!