The Third Slip: Issue 31 - Bots, Blots, and Bolters from Bologna
Hello and welcome to Issue 31 of The Third Slip, Slippers. We did some sole-searching and decided that the name is Slippers is here to stay. Get a grip on yourself, time will heel all wounds. So, strap in. 31 is that magical age when you discover that like your male relatives, you will have hair sprouting on random parts of your body (why do you need hair on the side of your ears? Stupid mother nature!), so forgive us if this issue has some extra unpalatable trimmings here and there. We are yet to invest in a quality trimmer (Is it called editor?). Enough of this discussion about hair and feet, let’s get on with the news beat.
But first…
Everyone knows #metoo happened. There’s a lot of talk on this, but it’s clear a mindset change needs to come about. Every male is guilty of perpetuating the problem, even on a micro-level. Here’s an excellent compendium of how you can stop being part of the problem. If there’s one link you click from TTS, let it be this. In India, this problem might be exacerbated - It’s worth remembering that several rapists here don’t see what they’re doing as ‘wrong’.
Be my GST
We all know that the biggest problem facing India of late was a credit crunch. Why? Because the venerable, honourable PM usually likes to take the credit for anything and everything that happens including global fuel price drops. But, this is a happy week, ladies and gentlemen, because our Dear Leader has seen the error in his ways. In Gujarat on the campaign trail, amid voter blowback on the botchy GST implementation, Mr. Modi said that 30 states and the Congress played an equal part in the GST decision. It looks like the true purpose of demonetisation was to finally get our PM to learn to share the credit.
Indian companies are making waves abroad!
They truly are! For instance, the Adani group - the same one headed by Modi’s preferred douchebag of choice - wants to build the largest coal mine in the world (like we needed more of that) in Australia and wants a taxpayer-funded loan. The empire strikes sideways.
Intolerance is back!
With fancy new buzzwords like ‘gau-rakshak’ and ‘demonetization’ dominating government strategy presentations, it’s nice to now hear the star of 2015, ‘intolerance’, back. What shall we intolerate today? A new Vijay movie which may have to make cuts because it has a reference to GST? Some posters criticizing Dear Leader? A Facebook post saying how ridiculous giving the Ganga ‘living entity status’ is? The happy news is that the government is trying its best to get 66A back (the Ahmedabad court trying to stifle The Wire publishing mean stories of Amit Shah’s son is a trailer). Meaning we will be changing the ‘location’ footer of this newsletter very soon. In fact, we might as well just pack up and go to some tax haven. PS: India still very much tolerates people dying because of GST / Aadhaar / Demonetisation : Even a 11-year old girl because she didn’t have Aadhaar. Jai Hindside.
The theoretical government
Increasingly, the BJP seems fine rolling out things that looks great on strategy slides - GST, demonetization and now, fertilizer subsidies. No internet connection? Who cares. Not everyone has Aadhaar? Well, so what? The BJP gets 0 marks in their practical exam. But even if they rig things, nobody can ask - because a new law (only in Rajasthan, thankfully) shields public servants from probes.
Other cheerful domestic news
Who cares about the lives of people who have already had a few bad months, as long as it means political points? The Govt. withdrew security forces from Darjeeling, ostensibly to worsen the situation there and make the state government look bad.. The Supreme Court, thankfully, stepped in and no way, Jose, and asked the BJP why it would do something like that. Get set for ‘anti-national court’ slogans. That is, after they’re done recycling old myths of the Taj Mahal which is a blot on Indian culture. (The hand-cutting story? A myth). No matter, since everyone wants a military dictatorship (yes!).
Rahul Gandhi is a bot on Indian Culture
As the irony bullet train rattles along, this week the BJP claimed that Rahul Gandhi’s newfound popularity on social media is because of bots. Heaps of hilariousness happening from a government that’s called the monopoly on social media bots. The congress for its part, called the story factually inaccurate.
Global friendships update
US wants to be friends with India because it needs help standing up to that bully, China. India should theoretically be happy but didn’t US first say India’s once-brother-now-worst-friend Pakistan sucked, and immediately said things were cool? So yeah. Can’t trust that US guy.
Trump TL;DR
If you needed one line to sum up what he’s been trying to do : It’s Trying to undo everything Obama’s done’. Including staying classy. It’s fun to see Trump and judges play ping-pong with the travel ban (thwart count: 3). And his pick for head of Office of National Drug Control Policy is involved in a… You guessed it… Drug scandal (remember the time when this used to be funny?).
The week’s apocalypse rundown
Somalia faced what many people are calling ‘its 9/11’ - a blast the size of 3 football fields, with 300 dead. The most likely culprit is a terrorist group called al-Shabab. USA and South Korea holding joint military exercises is increasingly becoming the geopolitical equivalent of dangling a piece of meat in front of a mad, starving dog. And the Taliban (remember those cheerful folks?) are back, playing one of their classic hits, bombing Afghanistan. And finally, the already scary Xi Jinping has done pretty much everything to ensure he’s in power for another 5 years - from missing generals to pooping on free speech. Speaking of apocalypse, ISIS was defeated in Syria. That’s good news, but look at what Raqqa looks like now.
Now you want it, now you don’t.
Remember as a kid you’d throw a tantrum wanting something, only to say “oh I didn’t actually want it” when given what you wanted? Well, Catalonia wanted independence, got votes saying yes, did some ‘er, let’s think this over’, while a frustrated Spain asked whether they wanted it or not, and finally just lost patience and pressed the buzzer and said “Time’s Up!”. So yeah, Spain now has control over Catalonia. Comedy.
Get out the popcorn
Forget Catalonia-Spain, which is becoming comical. Kurdistan-Iraq is where the real fun is, in the Royal Secession League. Iraq threatens to cut off oil, but the Kurds have Iraq by the digital balls, as most of the country’s internet is routed through there.
Tech
The guy who made Apple awesome is launching a startup to help people gain computer skills. (Not the overrated one, but the guy with actual tech skills #bait).
Did you know that there is a massively popular app among teenagers called tbh? Yeah we didn’t either. It’s apparently popular enough that Facebook has taken it over, but not that popular that they clone all the features of the app into Instagram and Facebook. Our reaction to this is best summed up by the image below.
LOL - Bologna Bolters
Pope Francis invited some prisoners to have lunch with him in Bologna - to generally have some fine spaghetti Bolognese, discuss where they went wrong in life, and to find peace. Instead, two prisoners decided to make a run for it and are not to be found.
Business
Amazon’s looking for a new HQ. And cities are doing ridiculous things to woo Bezos. Forget tax breaks, think giant Amazon boxes littered around the city.
Right, then.
“A controversial billionaire became a country’s leader thanks to a populist surge.” Sounds familiar? We’re talking about the Czech Republic. Nearby, Austria will have a 31-year old leader who is heavily right-leaning. History has taught us about right-leaning folks from Austria. Just saying.
Why can’t we all be like New Zealand?
Whose biggest problem is what should its national bird be. And that too, is seeing trolling and abuses. Habba. (By the way, they’ve elected a new PM, Jacinda Ardern, who, thankfully, isn’t like her European bozo counterparts)
LinkedOut
Amazon is still going to struggle to wipe out a few industries. For now.
There’s a lot India (and several other countries) can learn from how China tackled bad air.
What is the true cost of a plate of food? Spoiler alert: the poor get screwed
The science story you can’t miss - about neutron star mergers and the breathtaking universe.
A highly addictive game involving paperclips. Yes, we are serious.
That’s all for this week. Would you like to tell us something? You can reach us on Twitter (Chuck | Tony), or you could send us an email. Seriously, send something no? There is no fee in feedback. we're tired of refreshing the inbox every 5 minutes. Also, if there is a friend you would like to call a Slipper, why don’t you share the subscribe link for The Third Slip with them? Until next week, please don’t be a blot on Indian culture. If you’re itching for it, you can take a Rorschach test instead. Bye!