The Third Slip: Issue 30 - P(r)olly want no cracker
Hello Slippers, Hawaii you doing? We have now decided that the collective term for our readers is slippers. On the bright side, one TTS author’s attempt to take his followers away separately and call them Deepakvali (deepak ka avali) has been successfully quashed. Welcome to issue 30 of The Third Slip. Now that we’ve turned 30, we will probably feel the urge buy an unnecessary domain for ourselves and keep paying EMIs on it when we could have comfortably stuck to Tinyletter. It’s called growing up. It has been a relatively quiet week, more so because of the ban on crackers. But the air remains relatively cleaner, so we can all breathe.
Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish
India is a country where the richest 1% own a staggering 58% of the wealth and this week it also became the country that’s ranked 100th out of 119 on the Global Hunger Index trailing behind countries such as Iraq, Bangladesh and North Korea. There is no merit in political finger pointing here, but the fact remains that whether it is a suit boot ka sarkar or gareebon ka sarkar, there is much that needs to be done before we jingoistically thump our chests.
Three-in-one!
The BJP has proven themselves more efficient than the Congress by combining the nepotism of the Gandhis, the scam-making ability of Raja and the Vadra-esqueness of Vadra with one Jay Shah. And anti-nationals dare say the ruling party is good for nothing. Boo. The Quint, by the way, continued its ass-licking of the BJP (as @madmanweb on Twitter put it), clearly making you narrow your eyes. Putting the quint in sq… Okay, let’s stop there.
The BJP has been accused of stifling news - far from it. If anything, they spread news. Especially fake news so migrant labourers from ‘land of terror’ Kerala got spooked and head back home. Jay Hind.
Audit-i devo bhava AKA GST is God
The GST council’s revisions were supposed to bring relief to small and medium companies and was touted as an early Diwali by PM Modi. However, things haven’t changed much on the ground. Sample quote: “The papers say we will be a bigger economy than Japan and Germany in 10 years,” he said. “But what about my today? Do I sleep hungry tonight because I have been promised a big meal tomorrow?”
Mumbaihacks
Don’t expect the state of Mumbai’s local trains to get better any time soon. The authors recommend taking a pool cab one way (with a good pair of earphones), and work in media/advertising - so by the time you’re done with work, the trains will be empty anyway. Screw work-life balance, keeping your balance on the train is more important.
LOLOL
Khakras are cheaper and no PAN card needed to buy jewellery? Oh, that must mean Gujarat elections are around the corner. Maybe all those whining farmers will get their due once Kissan Pradesh goes to polls. The BJP is a shadow of its farmer self. Okay.
Dow Jones accidentally told people Google was buying Apple. Something and all happened to the stocks.
A bright spot
The Supreme Court said that if a man has sex with an underage (below 18) wife, it’s rape. Of course, how much of that actually will get reported - especially since such marriages happen with parental consent - is yet to be seen, but at least it’s on paper now.
In other news
The Supreme Court banned sales of crackers in Delhi for Diwali citing public health concerns. Supreme Ch*tan decided to give it a communal tinge and put his foot in his mouth.
The Allahabad high court acquitted the Talwars in the 2008 murder case.
Did you know there’s something called ‘reinsurance’? Basically, it's insurance taken by insurance companies to manage their risk. This meta-insurance is clearly big: India’s biggest company doing it (GIC) is launching the country’s third-largest IPO.
From Trumpistan
Yet another week of Trump trying to undo everything Obama built up: The nuclear deal with Iran, Obamacare… The one thing he did continue, though, was breaking off from the UNESCO, which was a long time coming. This was basically because UNESCO recognized Palestine as an independent state - something that has angered the US for years.
In other just Trump things, after his free throw practice session with paper towels in Puerto Rico last week, Donald Trump claimed that he met with the President of the Virgin Islands, which is Trump himself. Now we know there are at least two Horcruxes (Horcri? Horcruces?)
Cat alone, ya!
Yes, Catalonia has signed a declaration of independence from Spain (later putting it on hold), who has had enough of the confusion and issued a deadline. Poor Barcelona FC who are supremely confused.
Despots are good people ok!
Kim, for one, cares about family. Enough to promote his sister to North Korea’s inner circle. It’s like a combination of Raksha Bandhan with nukes. His spies, meanwhile, managed to steal South Korean war plans, including a ‘decapitation’ plan. Like we needed anything to annoy him further. Also, it pains us to put a Nobel Peace Prize winner in the ‘despots’ section, but when you remain silent as one of your own get slaughtered and forced to flee...
People who watch Rick & Morty are smart, ok?
Enough to line up for Schezwan Sauce at McDonald’s and insult the chain when they ran out. Suddenly, people who watch Big Bang Theory don’t seem too daft, do they?
Worst ‘literally’ ever
Under Trump, many people (wrongly) said America was literally burning. Well, 100000 acres in Northern California were subject to forest fires - the natural world clearly has something against that part of the world, unfortunately.
What a steel!
You probably haven’t heard of Kobe Steel (Sizzlers, yes, though). The Japanese steel company supplies raw materials to lots of massive airplane/auto companies. News has emerged that they’ve falsified data - not of annual HR picnics but - steel quality. That sneeze has given the stock prices of said companies a massive cold.
Random
We all know weird mushrooms can do magical things to you (coughkodaikanalcough), but nothing more so than those from Chernobyl - the result, radioactive pigs. It’s like a Russian Simpsons episode.
LinkedOut
Bread and beer have the same ingredients, no? So why not just use leftover bread to… Tada!
D’aw! Google’s giving away $1b to those who lost their jobs (in a way) because of it.
Why did the Harvey Weinstein story take so long to come out? This piece explores.
What Facebook did to American democracy
Masayoshi Son’s grand plan for SoftBank’s $100 billion vision fund
That’s it for issue 30 of The Third Slip. We are close to 300 subscribers and we could use a nudge (see the topical use of a pun based on Economics Nobel Prize winner’s work? We’re good no?) to get there. Have you subscribed to The Third Slip yet? If not, please do so right away. Also, share The Third Slip with your friends who may enjoy it. If you have no friends post our subscribe link on your Twitter, Facebook and Tinder bios anyway. Have something to tell us? You can reach us on Twitter (Tony | Chuck) or you can send us limericks/sketches/love letters/money via email. Until next week, Happy Diwali. Stay lit!