The Third Slip - Issue 28: 10% of the way to Twitter’s new character limit
Hello and welcome to issue 28 of The Third Slip. This week’s issue is a social experiment. If one-half of the authors is travelling and the other half has a 103-degree fever, will the audience notice a drop in quality? Oh wait, to run a proper experiment we shouldn’t have told you this. No wonder we moved away from sciencey stuff like engineering to PPTy stuff like MBA. Everything can be done at the last minute, and things like structure and quality are but mere illusions.
Before we jump into the news, something cheerful. We’ve long since maintained that the world would be a happier place if people hated each other only based on which sportsperson/team they supported. And when it ultimately results in moments like these, world peace cannot be far away. We recommend that you download this GIF (another legit reason to hate people - not pronouncing GIF as Jif) and play it each morning.
And now on to the news
At least the bullet trains ran on time
One of the erroneously used, lazy defences of Benito Mussolini, the erstwhile Italian dictator and certified shitbrain, is that while he may have been a fascist dictator he at least made the trains run on time. Except he didn’t. An eerily similar narrative has played out in India over the last few years. With regressive ideas making a comeback, lynchings, and bigotry - but hey there are so many shiny economic bold moves! When Arun Shourie warned us that the Congress + Cow Modi government believed that managing the economy meant managing headlines, nobody expected an economic meltdown of such catastrophic proportions.
This week, former BJP finance minister, Yashwant Sinha, wrote a scatching critique of the government backed by objective facts and numbers that are now available for all to see. Modi, by the way, all but admitted that he needs economic help by setting up an advisory council, something he disbanded after coming into power and assuming a 56” chest > sound economic advice (He could use all he can get). Since it doesn’t have a fancy name, one can only assume it’s for more than political posturing. Good news, then? Or too little too late? But at least the bullet train that no one will use will run on time when it comes about.
Edit or else...
Also, what do you do when you find it difficult to manage the headlines? Manage the head-lines. It appears that the sudden exit of Hindustan Times’ editor may have been due to pressure from the government. We’re still better than Saudi Arabia okay?
PS: In case you were wondering, we haven’t received any death threats yet.
In other news: BJP losing support in J&K - wait, they had support in the first place?
We’re retiring a section
Loyal readers of TTS will know that we usually do a section called ‘loldemonetization’ or ‘lolgst’ or some variant thereof, talking about the blunderheaded implementation of both apparently well-meaning financial policies. Criticism has come from all quarters and now it’s become predictable that there’s one such analysis every week (here’s this time’s). So to save space, just assume that this is the case, and some new community has had a fiscal danda up their rectum - we shall report here once things change. Don’t hold your breath.
Electrifying new news
PM Modi started the week with good news - that he would provide all Indians electricity. Now, the authors have been accused of being critical of the current government (we got one nos. hate mail) but who can blame us, looking at botchy implementation of seemingly-well-meaning ideas? Which is why we hope this scheme - that’ll cost 16000 crores - actually happens. Why are we sceptical though? Electrification schemes have existed before. There’s still a lot of ambiguous wordings, that, if arranged in a straight line, read out “GST LOL”. Also, the fact that Venky Naidu has come Veep means that the scheme has an un-sexy acronym: PMSBHGY. Bro. plz.
The depressing section
22 people were killed in a stampede at Mumbai’s Elphinstone Road station this week. A tragedy that many people have been predicting for years now. The station was given so much attention by the authorities that its name was changed to Prabhadevi earlier this year. If you’re not the kind to cringe easily, there were also people robbing others and molesting dying women on the same bridge. So much for the famed Spirit of Mumbai. Sigh.
VC what you did there
Is it even sanskaar if you don’t victim shame a woman who’s been sexually harassed? The BHU campus saw protests this week from female students against the administration’s line on dealing with sexual harassment. The VC of the university, right on cue, said that women shouldn’t talk about sexual harassment because it puts their modesty in the market. Reading this again and again to make sure it’s for real and not the fever going to my brain.
Now that feels like home
With all this US-NK, UK-Germany and all, purists are missing a good ol’ Ind-Pak. So when Sushma Swaraj called the neighbours the “greatest exporter of havoc, death and inhumanity” and got “mother of terrorism in South Asia” (and a fake photo) in response, all seemed well with the world. Nothing like some good ol’ engineering college-style banter to liven things up in South East Asia, then, what, lads?
Phew… Sort of.
Merkel, the de facto face of liberalism and globalization in a world veering so dangerously to the right, it’s almost at deep square leg, won the German elections. But far-right party AfD won 13% of the seats, and entering parliament for the first time since - wait for it - WW2. This is a party whose supporters worry that German culture is under threat. Erm, if they read a history book once in awhile, they might realise why that’s not entirely a bad thing.
LOLZ
Saudi Arabia accidentally prints textbook showing Yoda sitting next to the king. We’re not sure if this led to the decision to allow women in the country to drive. One can only assume that if Darth Vader were to show up, marijuana would be legalized.
Caught between an orange rock and that nuke-happy hard place
While Trump and Kim keep going at each others’ throats and improving our English in the process, officials are trying their best to avoid armageddon. For instance: North Korea officials are actually asking GOP analysts for help to interpret Trump. Now that’s something Google Translate can never do.
You can’t spell social without CIA
In extremely scary surveillance news, the US Homeland Security will now start collecting public social media posts and maybe even search results of immigrants, green card holders, and even naturalised citizens. So if your “category preference” for certain um videos includes “Arab” or “Arabic” you’ll probably be the first to go.
Knee-jerk reaction
NFL players have been taking a knee while the US national anthem plays at games to show solidarity with black people who have been subjected to police brutality over a long period of time. But when the gigantic jerk, Donald Trump, decided to call them sons of bitches and averred that they should be fired, it has captured the world’s attention. Here’s all you need to know.
Misc: One more country for poor geography students to remember: Kurdistan voted for independence from Iraq.
LinkedOut
One danger of Trump is that we might think everything he tries to oppose is a good thing. Which should not be the case. Take for instance, Obamacare. While the alternatives are terrible, the Affordable Care Act is hardly a good thing, as Amit Varma’s amazing podcast explains here.
Facebook can control its news feed, by the way. Especially if money is involved. So Mark might make a good president, eh?
What’s better than giving someone a longread? A recommendation for Beacon News - a bulletin that you’ll receive via WhatsApp with some daily news and some really cool longreads.
That’s all for this week. Hope you enjoyed this issue as much as we struggled to bring this to you. What did you think of this week’s edition? Do you think we should make travel and fever a permanent fixture on The Third Slip? Tell us, tell us all. We would love to hear from you, except from you nosy troll who sent us hate mail. You can say hi on twitter (Chuck | Tony) or you could pour your heart out in an email. Until next week, search for “latina” not “arab”.