The Third Slip - Issue 22: There's always a Catch
The Third Slip - Issue 22: There’s always a Catch
Hello and welcome to issue 22 of The Third Slip when the world has appropriately decided it wants to be as tragically humorous as Joseph Heller's Catch 22. At the current pace, we are roughly another 22 issues away from Armageddon. It has been an absolute clusterfuck of a week, one in which President Trump outdid his “fire and fury” threat against North Korea from last week. How is that even possible? It’s fair to say we did Nazi this coming.
It’s always Sunny in Kerala
But before we get caught up in the vortex of WTF and depression that world news is turning out to be, let’s begin on a lighter note. There is apparently a media hatchet job being orchestrated against Kerala - calling it a violent antinational state, based on some bad stats and political maneuvering. Malayalees have responded with a Yawn OK Please to these laughable allegations while eating a plate of beef fry with their daily fix of brandy because they are very secure in the notion that it is the highest ranking state in India on multiple parameters such as the Human Development Index, Infant Mortality Rate, Literacy Rate… you name it.
But, it also has a sexually repressed society that resorts to moral policing on the outside while being titillated by private prurient thoughts, views, and videos. Their permanent hard-on came to a rapturous climax as sea men a large sea of men poured out on the streets of Kochi to catch a glimpse of Sunny Leone. We have no tissues issues with this.
Independence day irony
One would think 70 years as a stable democracy should be good enough for India to feel secure about itself. But it seems the powers that be in India are on Sarahah, sharing with their Facebook friends all the compliments they receive and blanking out any real constructive feedback.The Tripura CM found out that his Independence day speech was blacked out by Prasar Bharati because he had an opinion *shudder*.
Madrasas in UP had been asked to record Independence Day celebrations because why not? Although it was later clarified that it was meant only for documentation purposes, the schools recorded the celebrations just in case. After all, we were all told that the Aadhaar was a voluntary exercise not long ago. And, can you really put a price on making a major minority feel insecure in their own homeland? This one should make it to a Mastercard ad.
Gorakhpur Hospital Tragedy
If you’ve ever played dodgeball in school, you can meet the masters of the sport in the UP government: Blaming the death of 30 kids on everything from a Japanese virus to RTGS inter-bank transfer delay - basically anyone but themselves. This should be a breaking point in a sane democracy but hey, at least he gave us ambulances for cows, Romeo squads, and protection from Love Jihad.
India Shining
Indians get offended (like Kevin Durant found out) if Westerners still think we’re a country of snake charmers. How rude. We’re actually a country where women are accused of being witches, dragged by the hair and force-fed poop (while the person accused of doing this is absolved via a holy dip). So yeah, firangs - get your facts right.
Vishal overcome
In other news, Vishal Sikka has resigned as the CEO of Infosys after an ongoing battle of control with the co-founder Narayana Murthy. While we do not know the implications of this to the tech world, we do know that the count of CEOs who could play Spock’s long lost brother has once again dropped to 0.
Before we move to the rest of the world - Squirrel news!
“A rogue squirrel that chewed through electrical equipment is the culprit behind 82,000 liters of spoiled milk at a Vancouver cheese factory. The milk was tossed, but the squirrel remains on the loose.” - Vox (We know you want to read more). It’s reassuring that in the time of Trump, Erdogan and 56”, news like this still happens.
Welcome back to the real world: At least America is worse? (Brace. This is going to be intense)
Wishing for a time away from smartphones and the internet? Come to the USA, where the sight of Nazi flags and white supremacists out in the open (protesting the taking down of a Confederate general statue) will make you feel like it’s the 1930s again. There were counter-protests by... Regular people, one of whom was killed. Trump (of course) didn’t seem to have a problem with all this, saying the fault was there on both sides, and counter-protesters didn’t have a license to protest (acha).
This led to disgusted CEOs from his advisory councils to resign, sending shockwaves - who knew such councils existed in the first place? Showing there were no hard feelings, Trump let loose a vile tweet about the only black CEO on the erstwhile councils (which caused said company’s stock to rise). Oh and he was on ‘vacation’ all this while, which would explain the 2-day delay in condemning said white groups, with all the sincerity of a 6-year-old promising not to pick his nose again. Trump disbanded both councils - meaning he has nobody for economic advice. That’s okay, his stellar career as a businessman will stand him in good stead.
But don’t worry about open racism, climate change, or even your next insurance premium or impending meeting with your boss - soon these problems will cease to exist because (y’ know, Trump. North Korea) the world is likely to cease existing.
The Tangerine Turd is doing to White House staff what Game of Thrones does to its characters and Mumbai local trains do to dignity - time by firing chief strategist and white supremacy/meth addiction poster boy Arnab Goswami Steve Bannon. Looks like Trump’s solution for employment is to make sure every US citizen interns at the White House by 2020. Jeez, even Breitbart is losing faith in the Prez.
Meanwhile, ‘firefighting what the president says’ seems to be a part of even the US military’s job description now - like reassuring South Korea that nothing nuke-like will happen. Wow, and you think you have a bad boss?
A complicated hate triangle
US wants North Korea to stop nukes. US pressurizes China, who’s bros with NK. China cuts supplies. Pisses off NK. US pisses China off by promising to crack down on their trade practices. And you thought Archie-Betty-Veronica was complicated.
The tragedy in Spain
It’s hard to make humour on tragedy, and neither should one try, so just the news here: A van plowed into people at Barcelona, killing 13. ISIS claimed responsibility. Despicable.
Business
Disney wanting to go solo is not good for the streaming business and consumers might end up paying more. Why? Most people are not loyal to ‘studios’, but to individual franchises or movies.
LinkedOut
Much has been made of Snapdeal’s terrible state of affairs right now. But investor Softbank might have something up its sleeve - Snapdeal along with Hike (again, backed by Softbank) might together look to replicate the social e-commerce model a la WeChat in China (another Softbank company). Fascinating long-read on The Ken.
In case you missed out on what really happened in Charlottesville and have 20 minutes to spare - this on the ground video from Vice News is unmissable.
Related to the Charlottesville White Supremacist thingy: You probably know GoDaddy pulled the plug on an alt-right site hosted on it. A bunch of other tech companies have the technology to curb hate speech.
To say India hasn’t achieved anything in 60 years, like someone likes to say, is hogwash. “Give me 60 months to fix everything” shows that he’s got no idea about history but would make a great consultant. We are all his pointy-haired clients. (By the way, after screwing up the campaign, this is how he masterfully pads the ‘results’ slide. All MBAs take note)
Lego like brain balls could build a living replica of your noggin says this fascinating piece from Wired.
And that’s a wrap. We're still not on Sarahah, but we would love to hear from you oh strangers on the internet. You can get in touch with us on Twitter (Chuck, Tony) or you can email us. If you like this newsletter, why not pass it on to that friend of yours and ask them to subscribe too? If you really like this newsletter, think of us when you drink your next beer. But not when you get to bed, because that would be weird. Until next week, don't be a Nazi. Bye!