The Third Slip: Issue 20 - The Hypocrite’s Oath
Hello and welcome to issue 20 of The Third Slip. Or as Abe Lincoln would have called it Issue “Score”. It’s been another happy week in India as we thrashed Sri Lanka by an innings in the second test. Virat Kohli may have dropped more catches than scored runs, but hey we’re not complaining. This is not a Score Issue, this is Issue Score. Let’s jump into the news from this week...
Home
Our political leaders are hypocrites, and that’s awesome
The Doklam standoff with China has elicited an extremely measured response from the government. Both Sushma Swaraj and Narendra Modi have said that war is not a solution and that the issue can only be resolved through dialogue. *cue collective sigh of relief*! You may reasonably ask if this was not the same party that rode to an election victory by talking about a weak government that was not able to answer Pakistan in its own language. But then, jingoism and 56-inch chest are only to gain votes. And, thank God for that! In fact, we recommend that everyone entering political office takes The Hypocrite’s Hippocratic Oath: “First, do no harm”
In more happy hypocrisy news, the United Nations FAO report has revealed that India is the third-largest exporter of beef in the world. Protection of cattle rhetoric gets votes from the fringe, export of beef keeps the economy going - a healthy, balanced diet.
Cow-ma-sutra
Later in the week, a man in Uttarakhand was held for, er, having sex with a cow. As a friend said: Oedipus Complex + Hindu extremism = Enough internet for the day.
Cow-mut-sutra
If you took away your palm from your face just now, please go ahead and put it back there again. Meenakshi Lekhi of the BJP claimed in parliament that cow urine helped a government officer recover from a serious illness, and enquired if the government had plans to spread ancient science related to cows. The urination wants to know.
Aadhar Morghulis
All men must now have an Aadhaar card if they want to die. Not really, the Aadhaar itself is technically not mandatory. Kind of like it’s not mandatory to have legs to be able to run, but it does help tremendously. No scope to be concerned by privacy and government overreach etc Aadharwise you will be in trouble.
Hotstar wins The Iron(y) Throne
If you are setting the hoardings in India on fire with an aggressive campaign that suggests death to torrents, you need to make sure that you don’t end up leaking an episode of the most anticipated series of Game of Thrones through your network to torrent sites. Well, Hotstar failed. Sigh, you had one job!
Rare sighting in an unnatural habitat
You may want to sit down for this. Sachin Tendulkar was spotted in the Rajya Sabha this week. When you have an attendance record that's worse than a B school student in the second year after placements are over, you have to wonder what bet he lost. One suspects he may have needed a no dues certificate from the Rajya Sabha library.
World
Apocalypse Update
The question now is not when the world will be destroyed, but how. Irreversible climate change? Nuclear war thanks to North Korea? Retaliation from the US? Iran’s rocket that violated a UN resolution? Place your bets, folks. It might be the last thing you do. After all, both Russia and China showed off their military strength parades last weekend. What’s more, China’s official state media said it wasn’t happy at Trump’s 140-character op-eds. And of course, pissing Russia off has to happen in equal measure - so the Pentagon plans to supply arms to Ukraine and place fresh sanctions on Moscow. Look forward to ‘Bunker suppliers we recommend’ in the next issue.
The Trump-Putin bromance might be over. After the US Congress (not Trump) chose to impose sanctions on Russia, Putin chose to expel 755 US diplomats and staff from Russia: Hence making both Washington and Moscow badly understaffed with respect to Americans.
Our neighbours have a new PM. No clue if Acche Din are coming.
The latest from the Ochre Ogre
Moochie’s Gone: Misunderstanding the term ‘swearing in’
He came, he swore, he left. Spare a thought for Social Studies students in the USA right now. Trump fired White House comms director Anthony Scaramucci… After just ten days of being hired. Given that he never had comms experience before and insulted several co-workers during his brief stay, we don’t think there’ll be a farewell lunch.
Why Trump is a good thing
After doing his best to make people realise Obamacare was actually not all that bad, Trump turns his attention to the tax code. By the time he’s done, we’re pretty sure he’s going to have done more for Obama’s reputation than any Democrat ever could. Trump is basically your ugly friend you take photos with to enhance your looks in comparison. He’s also helping the GOP grow a pair of balls as they’re starting to take decisions bypassing him altogether. Also, foreign leaders have had enough of him (Mexico’s and Australia’s for sure!) so whoever comes after him… ANYONE… Would be better. #MAGA will happen - but 2020 onwards.
WTF of the week
It seems right wing fanatics in every country have some things in common - they outrage at everything and they do not care for the facts. This week’s WTF comes from a Norwegian anti-immigrant group that mistook bus seats for women in burqas. If you just went “That couldn’t have happened, there is Norway!” you are wrong. Then again let he who has not mistaken a bus seat for a burqa clad woman cast the first stone.
Photo of the week
Usain Bolt ran the last 100m race of his career last night, but there was no fairy tale ending for the Jamaican. He ended up with a bronze behind USA’s Justin Gatlin. This image though sums up what has been a stellar career for the undisputed GOAT.
Tech
CRISPR - a gene-editing technology - was used to correct a gene mutation in an embryo for the first time. This is massive because it means genetic diseases could be prevented. The tech also has a flip-side, parents might want ‘ideal traits’ edited into kids - like height, strength… And we’ll leave it to your imagination to imagine what the scene in India would be like.
Some scientists have figured out a way to make a protein-rich powder by zapping it into existence. This could solve world hunger and cue ‘this food will shock you’ headlines.
Hyperloop One managed to get one of their pods zipping at close to 200mph on the Nevada Test track. Which means you might finally be able to go from Goregaon to Lower Parel in less than 5 minutes. Someday.
Biz
Things have come a glorious full circle as FOX is going to experiment with 6-second ads.
LinkedOut
Elon Musk is way too brilliant to be wasted on running an auto company.
Offshoring is very much alive: But it’s going back to the US.
Several American behemoths are in various stage of failing in China: Apple, McDonald’s, Coke, Facebook, Google. One has bucked the tide, opening 500 stores a year: Starbucks.
Calm down, that FB-pulling-plug-computer-own-AI-language thing is hardly a worry.
It started out with irritating listicles, but of late Buzzfeed has been putting out some great reads. Basically like Manoj Night Shyamalan’s career in reverse. This piece on privacy in India is a great read.
That's it for this week the score issue. Do you have issues with scoring? Tell us on Twitter (Chuck, Tony) or if you prefer privacy (LOL) email us. Have a great week, and please don't die if you haven't enrolled for Aadhaar yet. Bye!