The Third Slip - Issue 2: A chainmail is only as strong as its weakest link
Hello!
Thanks for checking out Issue 2 - which probably means Issue 1 wasn’t as bad as we thought it’d be. Right, there’s a lot that happened this week, so read on before heading to that pub quiz.
Can Chicago win the football world cup?
Sports interviews and press conferences are usually the same every time (“boys played well”, “right areas”, “one match at a time”). However, throw in an ignorant American (excuse the redundancy) journalist into the mix and you have virality. Bastian Schweinsteiger just completed a move to the MLS club Chicago Fire and was asked if his joining would mean that Chicago could now win the world cup? My favourite thing about this video is how comfortable the journalist is with his ignorance and even tries to help Schweinsteiger out by rephrasing the question since he assumes his English might have been the problem. Schweini, though he was caught off guard for a bit, quickly remembered the cliche laden equivalent of his “Why do you want to do an MBA?” answer and went with it.
Fake news epidemic
It was April fool’s day yesterday - which meant that people should not believe everything they read on the internet. Just like the other 364 days in the year. This week, in a WhatsApp group near you the trending story was how Nostradamus predicted the glorious era of achhe din. While it seems obviously fake and hilarious to the pseudointellectuals, the repeated assertion of such alternative facts can have catastrophic results - like it did in Rwanda. Till Facebook and Whatsapp come up with a robust fake news indicator, we have to rely on websites like check4spam or on your own reserves of fact checking energy which, let’s face it, is no match for the relentlessness of your distant racist uncle’s “good morning” gifs and fake forwards.
We are against the Kota system
This week’s tragicomic story comes from Kota, the student suicide capital of the world. In a country that’s obsessed with producing engineers (who become MBAs two years later), where the unnecessary media fascination combined with parental and peer pressure forces a student to become stunted (anagram ;)) there are multiple issues that need to be dealt with. But, using the pertinent data point that suggests depressed students preparing for JEE in Kota usually commit suicide by hanging themselves from the ceiling fan, the country that celebrates jugaad now presents to you, ceiling fans with springs and sensors to prevent suicides. What do you do if the shoe you ordered from Amazon is too tight? You chop your feet to fit the shoe of course.
Tun… Dei! (Kebab)
Last week’s scheduled social media outrage (it’s so nice we as a country can regularly do this now) came in the form of meat banning / selective slaughterhouse closings (depending on how right your political compass points), reaching its pop culture zenith with the closing of the iconic Tunday Kebab… Only to reopen, serving chicken kebabs (which some might argue is worse than being shut, but that’s another story for another Zomato Facebook joke). Of course, one logical argument is that if the meat is illegal, then if the price we pay is shutting down eateries, so be it. A good argument, apart from the minor fact that… There is nothing else, and it’s all the fault of the… You guessed it… Government.
The BJP, however, have shown ideological flexibility - for all its out-damn-(red)-spot attitude in UP, over in the North-East (where majority of the people thrive on meat), beef was served at political functions and a ban is not planned. This (almost literal) horses for courses approach shows one thing - the BJP will hate whatever it is majority of the people hate, as long as it’s something that can be tackled by goons rather than by hard work and policy. Wait… Which means Gujarat probably… (Googles) (Oh no…) facepalm.
Sandal Politics - No additional jokes required
It all started with an entitled MP, Ravindra Gaikwad assaulting an Air India staffer for not giving him a business class seat in an all economy flight. Every trick in the book was tried, including invoking the name of Narendra Modi to get out of this shocking behaviour unscathed. But, the airlines have actually given in to Mr. Gaikwad’s demand and assured him that he will never have to fly in the economy class ever again - because they banned him from flying. Not one to give up, he did try booking more flights using different honorifics and initials, but in a rare show of efficiency, Air India cancelled those tickets too. Whether he approached Elon Musk asking him how soon Hyperloop will come to India remains unknown at this point.
Death of privacy. No, really
The US Congress just allowed ISPs to use customer data without their permission in what is a huge blow to online privacy. Why do you think it’s called a data plan? They take all your data and plan to use it for advertising revenues. There are of course videos floating around about how with Facebook and Google you are not the consumer, you are the product because they *shudder* make their money using ads. No shit Sherlock. Here’s why it’s okay - because you can opt in and out according to your choice. But not with your ISP if this legislation carries through. We are living in an era where everyone should have bumper stickers that read “consent is king”.
Oh bummer care
This week’s political comic relief comes in the form of the Obamacare Replacement. Republicans’ repeal strategy is a little bit like flippantly telling your boss you’d do more for office culture during appraisal time, and now are stuck with trying to build ‘team bonding’ exercises. Already, Republicans, struggling to find an actual solution to the problems they themselves invented, have admitted all that was just poll-time jizz. But most hilariously, someone defected from a defect group.
Yet another reason to not have kids
If the prospect of changing nappies, the escalating cost of education and the prospect of something sillier than Snapchat coming around haven’t been enough reason for your sperm to say “Yeah, I’m just gonna stay here for a while”, then consider the fact that your progeny might not have a planet to live on. Or at least, Darwin’s theory will need to go into hyperdrive for your li’l rascals to develop lungs with charcoal-activated filters. Yup, the largest emitter on the planet - a phrase that could be aptly used to describe both the country and its President - decided climate change is all tosh, let’s burn us up some coal. But hey, forget the so-called problems with this - that’s just left-lib media nonsense - and think of the benefits. For one, the US coastal elites have long been criticized for being out of touch with those in the heartland. Well, now they’ll get to mingle a lot more, seeing that coasts will be flooded. Hurray for integration, even if that’s one messed up bit of calculus.
PS: Your potential parental instincts still kicking in saying this is just one country and the kids will be fine? Sure. You have a grand total of three countries you can choose from - only Sweden, Germany and France are pursuing the Paris Climate Change goals. Stockholm’s gonna get pretty crowded.
The TL;DR Section
In case you need reassuring
His top priorities are either in tatters or stuck in courts, and he’s more unpopular already than Obama’s ever been, his office is either understaffed or facing attrition… Basically, the things that frustrated us and Jim Hacker faced in Yes, Minister - bureaucracy and the ‘fixed system’ - might just save us.
Running racism
This is so shameful we can’t even bother to make a joke about it. While Fair & Lovely is not the sole reason for our deep-rooted racism, what is shocking now is to see us constantly applying that to foreigners. Ugh.
Ayyo Brexit is happening
Yes, it actually is. But if nothing else, Britain has become the laughing stock of the world (a title that its fellow Allied Power is trying hard to wrench away from it) and it’s giving the EU sufficient laughter at its expense.
Weird World
Didn’t we say last time how strange it is that China is suddenly a beacon of globalization? Well, this week Tencent - of WeChat fame - bought 5% of Tesla. And oh, ideas like these are what happen if you legalize weed.
India’s fabulous home season in Cricket
And finally, it has been a staggering season of cricket where India have done well in all four departments - batting, bowling, fielding, and creating new emojis (IshantFace and JadejaSword to name a few). If you haven’t read it yet, here’s Jarrod Kimber’s fabulous round up on Kohli and his men.
Puzzle: Anagram Phrase
Fill in the blanks with two seven letter words which are anagrams of each other.
I was nearly done with my dish and all I had to do was add some parsley on top for visual appeal. Since I didn’t have any with me, I asked the person at the next station to hand me some of his and he obliged. Thank God he wasn’t averse to _______ _______ (7)
You’re a finisher!
That’s all for this week, but since you’ve made it this far why don’t you tell us what you think? Email or tell us on Twitter - Tony | Chuck.