The Third Slip: Issue 19 - Being a peacenik is a Tankless job
Hello and welcome to issue 19 of The Third Slip. We’re four months into this relationship and by now, you shouldn’t feel shy to text us asking for some raw content saying “Send News”. You have our consent. Let’s get into taking the covers off the news this week...
Gharpe sab theek?
We have to admit, we’re all hooked to that entertaining show on television about devious people fighting over who gets to rule the land, involving much bloodshed, violence and unnecessary killing of people - Game of Thrones Indian Democracy. In a spectacular episode this week, we saw Nitish Kumar resigning as the Chief Minister of Bihar and then swearing in as the Chief Minister of Bihar all within 24 hours with a change in alliance from RJD to the BJP. He apparently had two epiphanies in no time at all - that Lalu was corrupt (he had no clue about this previously. LOL), and that the BJP is actually kinda secular if you don’t think about it. The episode brings to an end the Mahagathbandhan era pioneered by Nitish Kumar himself. This is kind of like the Tank Man suddenly turning from protester to the navigator of the tank.
It appears that stories on Amit Shah’s assets growing 300% in five years have magically vanished from TOI, ET, and DNA websites. Nobody knows why. Really. Hehe. We personally think it’s the Indian media embracing 2017 as the year of “Stories” - that thing on social media platforms which makes pieces of content disappear 24 hours after it’s published. It’s a feature, not a bug.
That China-India border skirmish in Bhutan? It refuses to go away and is getting worse.
If you’re unable to reach the cops, that might be because 8% of police stations across the country don’t have a telephone. Last reports say that the Airtel Girl is going to fix this.
After all that good news about green energy in India, here’s the regression to the mean: The 57k crores earmarked for green energy projects have been diverted to… GST. Which, by the way, is botchy implementation by NDA 2.0. Since there are different slabs for different goods, it could mean corrupt officials will have a field day (Kitkat = biscuit or chocolate? Shoe = luxury good? The Third Slip = Essential commodity or entertainment?) as all manufacturers have to try and plead with them to keep a lower tax slab. What’s worse is the government’s general apathy: Equating fear of GST to (get this) fear of mobile phones.
Speaking of central government and apathy, they’re still trying to argue for Aadhaar saying privacy is not an absolute right, and welfare of masses must be placed over the welfare of the individual. Which is fine, but here’s the thing: We’re not sure whether the masses want Aadhaar. Currently, it seems like the welfare of the masses taking a hit for the welfare of the individual. An individual. A specific individual. You know.
When you feel shitty about life in general, you reach for that tub of chocolate ice cream in the freezer. Or, as India calls it a cricket series with Sri Lanka. There’s one going on right now in case you didn’t know. And another one scheduled for later in the year. Apparently, the news is only going to be more depressing. Anyway, India duly thrashed Sri Lanka in the first test - everyone scored hundreds, all bowlers picked wickets, Virat Kohli is your daddy and Ravi Shastri is awesome. Anil Kumble who?
You’re not patriotic enough
A student was not given a mark despite (correctly) answering that Vande Mataram was originally written in Bengali, so went to the Madras HC. The judge - bless his dealer - said it must be sung in all educational institutes once a week, and in offices once a month. Wow, we’d hate to be that student right now, but we’re considering going to Justice Muralidharan and telling him that Summer of ‘69 was originally in Telugu.
In other news, the VC of JNU recommended installing a battle tank on campus so students can feel more patriotic. Facepalm! We can only hope there was some mix up in the kind of Tank he spoke about like Son of Bosey predicted years ago.
The abroads
Nearby, Pakistan actually kicked out their Prime Minister who was implicated in the Panama case. This has obviously shocked Indian politicians, who have till now assumed that being involved in a corruption scandal was the only way to move to higher office. While Nawaz Sharif is likely to appoint his brother as interim PM, opposition leader Imran Khan (yes, that one) must be licking his lips at the prospect of winning next year’s elections.
Tweet of the week:
Rodrigo Duterte - the Filipino reminder that looniness is not restricted to the Oval Office - shockingly showed signs of empathy when he agreed to meet protesters. All that fuzziness vanished when he said he’d shoot some of them even if he had to bury them. What a cutie.
Latest Adventures of The Tangerine Turd
Donald Trump has finally started designating! For starters: He’s outsourced the job of denying connections with Russia to his son-in-law, Jared ‘slimy’ Kushner. Soon after, he fired his Chief of Staff and appointed another one - looks like he intends to solve unemployment by giving everyone a shot at the White House. Also, the new White House Communications Director - Anthony Scaramucci didn’t disappoint with classy quotes such as “I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock” (Why hello there email spam filter, please be nice to us.)
Later in the week, he said transgenders can’t serve in the US military because their gender reassignment costs are too high (0.14% of the military health care budget, by the way). He made this policy via - what else - Twitter. While Democrats and several Republicans are fuming at this, our immediate thought was to check the “Gays for Trump” Facebook pages. Go ahead. You know you want to do it and feel sadistic. In any case - there’s still a long process to go before a tweet-on-a-whim becomes policy. Hang in there.
If you need one news piece to sum up the state of affairs in that part of the world right now, it’s this: The US Government will be imposing sanctions on Russia for interfering in the elections. Think of this as penalizing your best batsman for helping you win the World Cup. Anyway - everyone’s mad about this, including Trump. And the EU (y’know, trade, oil and stuff). The next G20 should be fun. All this while, North Korea tested an intercontinental missile. Cheerful!
The Obamacare repeal was rejected by the Senate, with 3 Republicans including John McCain voting against! Yay!
And if you’re in the mood for a 2 minute laugh, here’s a compilation of the ’best’ of the worst of Sean Spicer!
Tech
MS Paint is dead. Or not. Hours after social media outrage + nostalgia, MS made it a free-to-download from the site. Slacktivism FTW.
By the way, here’s an excellent alternative the authors recommend. One thing that’s definitely dying - Adobe Flash. Nobody’s crying. And the iPod. Maybe a few tears.
The BJP was seen as tech-savvy, but in 3 years of the Modi Government, it’s clear the extent of that was ‘hiring online trolls’. Case in point was Highways minister and Least Desirable Human Body Shape award winner Nitin Gadkari saying self-driving cars would be banned in India because they would take away several jobs - showing a lack of understanding of technology, AI, economics and common sense.
Biz
The big news of the week was the launch of Tesla’s Model3 - the ‘mass’ electric car that could spawn a revolution, even if it itself fails. Also, wow, that looks sexy.
Bill Gates experienced a Nitish Kumar moment this week when he was unseated as the world’s richest man for a very brief period of time. However, Jeff Bezos and the Amazon machine sure mean business.
Facebook is a juggernaut - it’s had its best ever quarter, with revenue increasing 45%! It swears that a slowdown is coming, and Zuck wants to - wait for it - monetize Whatsapp. We recommend adding a feature where you can leave a family group without others being notified. We’d pay for that.
Buzzfeed, er, made an induction stove. We’d normally want to submit this to InternetOfShit, but this kinda looks neat.
Lelz
If any of you were baited into ‘Michael Phelps plans to race shark’ articles, then here’s an update: He just swam and compared his results with that of a shark. Which is the sporting equivalent of (to paraphrase Nish Kumar) a couple having sex by sitting in opposite rooms and masturbating.
LinkedOut
The Evolution of Trust. A beautiful interactive experience using Game Theory to teach us about the current political climate.
A fascinating report on why China is so difficult-to-crack for established giants like Facebook, Google, Apple and LinkedIn. Also, first reference of LinkedIn in LinkedOut.
How should you really engage with a democracy? Someone who has done the hard work tells us. Pay attention.
We have a new president. What’s the role and how does election happen? Why, all that on this podcast here #NoConflictOfInterest. TL;DL: It’s a little more than the answer to a GK question, but just barely. And as Ram Nath Kovind has taken the customary tour of the Rashrapathi Bhavan, one must wonder whether the largely ceremonial role has a place in India at all.
And we are done. Was it good for you too? Tell us on Twitter (Tony, Chuck), or write us a poem on email. If you love us more, share this newsletter with your friends. Until next week, we hope you wake up to seeing a battle tank every morning. Bye!