The Third Slip: Issue 185 - For better or versus
Hello Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that is like David with a slingshot against the Goliath of indigestible garbage that is the mainstream news. Better quality, but very little chance of success.We’re like Malayalam cinema v/s Bollywood, craft beer v/s Budweiser, CSK v/s Geoff Boycott’s Grandmother with a stick of rhubarb…
This is issue 185. 18/5 of course, is the key number we multiply to convert m/s to kmph. And so, this issue is an attempt to convert the frenetic pace of a 100 metre dash into the more relaxed pace of an afternoon stroll while covering a longer distance. Incidentally 18/5 is also the multiplier to convert an MS innings into something sensible these days, but we shall quickly move past that and onto the news...
This is the “vs” issue. Everyone is bickering. Countries are fighting. The virus is fighting humanity. India is fighting common sense. So we thought this week’s edition, we’re going to do a few match-ups. Also, we were too lazy to write pun-filled headlines.
At home
Up upper and away: India vs humanity (aka: everyone vs Dalits) - What do we even say? A Dalit girl was raped and killed and her body was forcibly cremated by UP cops with complete disregard to her parents pleading to see her one last time. Things that would have been shocking 4 years ago can now be predicted and made into a bingo card: Support for the upper-caste rapists. Village blocked for opposition, though BJP was allowed in. SP saying hospital report doesn’t say rape. Father of the victim threatened. Elected MPs roughed up by UP police. Victim’s family harassed and subject to narcoanalysis(!!). Escalating fear that this track record will mean that UP CM will soon become PM...
If it’s broken, why fix it?: India’s judiciary vs its own reputation - The Babri Masjid apparently fell down by itself since the attack was not planned. So everyone who was accused got acquitted. Soon after, the judge in the case retired off (why not, he’ll be well-taken care of). Nothing shady.
Illustration by Harini Kannan
Spaced out: China Aerospace Studies Institute vs ISRO - Breach! Apparently China has been trying to mess with Indian satellites for years. No hacks yet, thankfully.
Mental accounting: Amnesty International vs harassment - The organization is forced to halt Indian operations after their bank accounts were frozen by the Indian govt. Don’t read the comments to their Twitter thread if you like to maintain sanity.
Non-excel field: India’s farmers vs those new bills - Finally, a good explanation as to why the farm bills might be harmful. We should have known, given how it was bulldozed through Parliament, but still… We had hope.
Add all to cart: Reliance retail vs everyone else - TLDr - buy stock. (no, really)
Signal and noise: Vodafone India vs India - This should help that ‘investor confidence’ thing Dear Leader likes so much. Hopefully though, taxes will come back before death.
Tai tai fish: And of course, Nirmala Sitharaman vs reality, basically saying that the opposition does not have a right to protest. The minister’s greatest achievement shall be that she’s the only one who still wears a mask properly.
Putting the vs in virus
Why R Us?: Remember when we were saddened by 1 million global cases? Well, that’s 1 million deaths now. “Virus vs humans” might be the matchup of the decade, though you could argue this is just nature fighting back, instead. Why r us?
Virus vs Trump: Well, for once, are we rootin’ for Covid? Anyway, L”Orange has caught the bug after months of playing it down, and although skeptics say this is probably just a ploy to gain sympathy votes, it turns out that his continued irresponsibilty has turned the White House into a hotspot? How bad (or good depending on how you lookat it)?...
Virus vs Democracy around the world (As if poor D needed another opponent!)
Virus vs a decade’s progress in eradicating poverty: This could be the saddest outcome of the pandemic, really. Does feeling bad make the authors commies? Colour us red, please.
Virus vs Bihar: Elections are coming so obviously Bihar has won, according to the BJP. Who knew that imminent elections were all that was needed to squash the virus. Yeah, democracy!
Vaccine by China & Russia vs legitimacy: Um… Just stay indoors for a while.
America
We will need to talk about the US, because under a month from now, the elections are coming. So obviously till then, there’s going to be a lot of civil discourse there.
Trump vs Biden (or: USA vs shame)
Your authors have seen a lot of trainwrecks up close and with lots of unnecessary investment: From college bands trying to cover Pink Floyd, to India-Australia Pune 2017 day 3, to open-mic nights (mostly as participants!). But surely pipping them all is the first US presidential debate which looked less like the dignified event it was supposed to be (ah, Obama vs Romney!), and more like two grandpas throwing water-balloons at each other. What a clusterfuck. Trump easily came off worse (refusing to condemn white nationalism, making fun of Biden’s living son while he was talking about his dead one). This means, of course, that he might win. The perception of the US abroad is lower than the quality of our rendition of the Comfortably Numb solo. The biggest talking point of the worst presidential debate in history was when Trump asked a group of white nationalists to “stand by”, and didn’t promise to honour the election outcome, which thankfully looks increasingly Biden, as most Americans seem to care about the virus & economy than a Supreme Court pick.
Trump vs
new debate rules that might lead to a more civil discussion next time.business acumen: his leaked taxes show he was either a bad businessman or a cheat… Or most likely bothblacks: he ran a campaign to deter 3.5m of them from voting, and is signing an executive order banning diversity training in tech companies (Yes, the correct response is WTAF?! You can move on to the next level)immigrants: his campaign has ads tying increased Covid risk to immigrants.India: In the debate he said we might be fudging numbers. This should rile up the bhakts and other Vivekamunand supporters nicely.
Rest of the world
Hong Kong v China: It’s China’s national day and while the mainland is fully enjoying and giving a boost to domestic tourism, Hong Kong continues to be silenced, as activists are likely to face murky trials in the mainland.
World leaders vs lip service: They’ve pledged to halt earth’s destruction. Phew, everything will be okay now. Go Planet!
Western countries vs China: Okay, that’s probably a better fight, especially as Xi seems happy with policies putting Uighurs in prison. (oh, sorry, “reforming”).
Europe vs Britain: Another chapter in the never-ending saga that is Brexit. This time, the EU sues Boris Johnson over reneging their promise… Yawn.
Brazil vs Biden: Bolsnaro has rejected Biden’s generous offer of $20b to protect the Amazon, in much the same way that uncle on ICU rejects an oxygen tank.
Technology
Facebook’s oversight board vs The Real Oversight Board (not The Onion): Remember FB made a big hue & cry around an ‘oversight board’? Well they’re having trouble getting started so a bunch of activists have started a “Real Oversight Board” and plan to do a few stunts to put pressure on the big F. (Bonus: FB v its employees)
FB vs anti-trust: Quickly, integrate all our messaging apps so it’s harder to regulate.
Epic vs Apple: The fight over too much fees is heading to court. Honestly, this seems the tamest of all we’ve covered in the newsletter thus far.
Indian tech ecosystem vs Google: Some founders are pitching for a desi app store. Again, because of high fees and all that.
TTS vs Good news?
Boo-yah. We’ve actually got a whole bunch of nice things so you end on a high.
Snap polls: Fusion looks more likely than ever - well, on paper anyway. Google’s investing $1b into trusted news partners. There are many low-cost Covid tests that give results in minutes. Snapchat has helped 1m American youngsters register to vote - this might be good for Biden. Hopefully their votes won’t disappear before they’re counted.
Aarey wah!: Maharashtra’s CM has asked for charges against “tree activists” to be withdrawn. Blue collar jobs in India are increasing. India’s factory output grew rapidly in September (though employment remains a problem)
LinkedOut
With fascists and theocrats carving up what’s left, is America breathing its last?
Not just Trump Biden is also trying to get influencers on his side
Joe Biden may improve America’s fortunes, but he will not remake its economy. Bidenomics.
Illiberalism in India and how that possibly affects our image globally
And finally, Arundati Roy’s cheerful read on India vs… Itself, we guess.
That’s all for this week. If you’d like, you can get in touch: Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), email. And again, if you REALLY like us and can afford to, consider supporting us on UPI, Instamojo or Patreon. Until next week, may your attempt at digging out a long stored away suitcase unearth plenty of your treasures from a more vulnerable time. Bye!