The Third Slip: Issue 184 - Gift of the Maggi
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that’s like a hair clip after you’ve finally taken the plunge and given yourself a lockdown haircut, or a strap for your fitness band while you’ve given up. It’s too little, too late, and claims to take just 2 minutes to nourish you completely, but at least it helps you laugh at the irony of the situation.
This is issue 184. 1-8-4, of course, is the preferred configuration in which you should buy Maggi packs depending on your living situation. You buy just one pack if you have enough space to yourself and are hopeful, four if you expect your entire family to follow your random nutrition regime, and eight if you are a realist and have given up on this shitshow of a pandemic and are too embarrassed to order breakfast from Swiggy and still want to act like you’re contributing by cooking something at least. Bah. Let’s start with better news...
Heartening things
Bas bachna chahiye Ghana: Thanks to early action and previously established pandemic protocols, Africa has pretty much defied the coronavirus. Kenya believe it?
Bella jao Bella jao Bella jao jao jao: Women are protesting in places you wouldn’t expect: in Thailand against the monarchy, and in Belarus against a strongman president who allegedly rigged the elections and unleashed violence on his own people. In other protesting women news, Bilkis from Shaheen Bagh is on the Time list of 100 most influential people. More power.
Greedhouse effect: Gene editing plants & animals to reduce greenhouse gas emissions might be far from dystopian and might be the thing we need to solve the climate crisis. It’s not like there are other realistic options like cutting down on human greed no? In related news, California wants to ban gas cars by 2035 and China is accelerating its green plans to go carbon neutral by 2060.
Mujhko bhi toh lift kara de China’s plan to kick-start economy includes building elevators in buildings for a rapidly aging population (which is actually a brilliant idea).
Growing Viral
Izzat ka Feluda: In a proud development, Indian scientists are ready to deploy a Covid test that’s cheaper and quicker using gene-editing. It’s named Feluda after a fictional detective created by Satyajit Ray.
It’s worth a shot: Johnson & Johnson has entered into Phase 3 trials of its unique vaccine that aims to protect people with a single shot.
Smell test: Covid has long been associated with the sense of smell, but not quite like this. In Finland, Helsinki airport has deployed sniffer dogs to detect Covid-19. Where are your dogs now?
Stuff happening at home
Farm is temporary, clause is permanent: Are the farm bills good or bad? General consensus seems to be that reform was much-needed in agriculture… But given the government’s implementation efforts before and absolute refusal to engage in reasonable debate, it’s safer to assume disaster. Especially since the NDA has seen its oldest ally walk out, the Rajya Sabha has quite randomly suspended MPs, and farmers across the country have come out in massive numbers to protest and have their concerns addressed. But, as always “lay thine eyes upon the field in which the government grows its fucks, and see that it is barren and also has no minimum selling price”
Illustration by Harini Kannan
Dems the rules: It takes a special kind of perversion to demolish 100 standing dwellings overnight citing vague rules and rendering people homeless in the middle of a pandemic. So, of course, it happened in India in the slums of Delhi. Don’t hold your breath waiting for mainstream media to righteously roar about real news.
Sabka maal ek: In news that should really make you feel proud, Delhi Police weeded out peddlers by seizing 160kg of marijuana, reporting it as 1kg and selling off the rest in a joint effort. Roll and rock.
Trial by clinics: And in pressing issues which the greatest democracy in the world is investing in - Hindi imposition Citizenship Amendment Act One Nation One Health plan - a move seeking to integrate alternative medicine (read random crap that has no scientific basis except it appeared as a legit treatment in an issue of Vanitha) such as homeopathy and ayurveda alongside actual science-based medicine. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Emergency break!
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Other Conversations across India
CAG: Oi, that money you used for other reasons was meant for GST compensation! Chowkidar cho...
Bhakts: You anti-nationals
FCRA: Yeah, I’m gonna make the life of all NGOs needlessly more difficult
Government: Ahem
FCRA: Oh yes except you PM-CARES, of course. Sorry sir.
Government: Good.
Mahua Moitra: OUTRAGE
Bhakts: Shut up, PM-CARES is helping - see, they gave this nice company lots of money to make ventilators.
Trivitron Healthcare: Yeah except we’ve never made ventilators before…
Harley Davidson: I’m outta here folks
Government: Hmm… Need to distract… People losing interest in SSR case…
Some govt flunkie: Didn’t Deepika come out in support of those anti-nationals a few months back?Government: BEST IDEA
Government: WE LOVE OUR FARMERS SO MUCH WE’RE GOING TO PLOUGH (hehe) THESE BILLS THROUGH PARLIAMENT BEFORE ANYONE CAN EVEN DEBATE THEM
Opposition: Actually…
Government: SHUT UP YOU ANTINATIONALS
Democracy: brb, just need to find a noose
Jan bacha le
Delhi Police: Anti-nationals planned riots for Trump visit, on Jan 8!
Facts: Er…Trump’s visit was confirmed only on Jan 13
Delhi Police: Oops. Anti-nationals planned riots for Trump visit, on Jan 8! Hehe you idiots fact check on the details while the larger lie still remains as the "truth" hehehehe
Side conversations
India: Now that we’ve both scored political points, let’s call this thing off?
China: LOL Yeah, Okay
World
Ae UNGAmma
So, on the 75th birthday of the UN, a ‘virtual’ general assembly happened. Guess which happened: Solidarity and togetherness in this time of crisis (or) each nation tom-tomming what they did and blaming the others. If you have doubts, refer below conversation.
UN: It’s my 75th birthday. I wish for world peace
US, China: LOL
Iran: Saudi sucks
Saudi: C’mere, you little twerp…
UN: PLEASE PEACE SHANTI
USA: WE R GR8est
Xi: Globalization FTW. Also, we’re building infra like crazy
NYT: Including those nice new prisons for your Muslims?
Brazil: We’re victims of propaganda
USA: WE R GR8
Buzzfeed: STOP PRESS WE HAVE BIG NEWS
World: What what what
Buzzfeed: BANKS ARE HELPING THE CORRUPT OMG
Everyone: …….
USA: WE R GR8
UN’s mom: I told you this was a bad idea.
The US
Trump: Ya ya RBG was a legend and all but quickly let’s fill up the vacancy with a nice conservative judge of our own to further polarize the country and strengthen my image among my core base, yes?
Republican Report: Hunter Biden did no wrong in Ukraine
Americans: 52% of us think social media platforms should be shut down during the elections
Trump: Peaceful transfer of power? You wish
Everyone: So what exactly is the TikTok deal… Who won?
Trump/China/TikTok/Oracle (all together): ME
Trump: Patriotic education! Undermine liberals! Nobody needs to know about slavery!
Modi: Nice!
Trump: Also we took taxpayer money meant for masks and made jets
Modi: Nice!
Trump: I’m still making sure blacks like Breonna Taylor don’t get justice
Modi: <3 My man
Trump: I’m nominated for the Nobel. You?
Modi: I’m in the TIME 100 most influential list. I knew the US media would finally recognize my efforts as a hateful bigot
USA: WE R GR8
Tech & Biz
Battery Sultan: Tesla setting up R&D in india? Elon Musk also unveiled a new battery technology to reduce costs of EV - but as always timelines are unclear
A window opens: And a door closes. Apparently, Microsoft has a new exclusive license on the mindblowing GPT3 AI language model.
Smalliance: Apparently, smaller apps are teaming up to fight Apple & Google. Go, go, go!
Company doesn’t love Mistry: The Tata group is now figuring out options to buy back its shares from Shapoorji Pallonji.
Arbit and arbiter: Some tax relief for Vodafone after all, though it did take some arbitration at The Hague to get there. Ease of doing business, my foot.
LinkedOut
Your guide to loving Indian media again - a fine piece on new-age journalism.
On multilingualism and surrendering the language of home.
The story of the world’s first death sentence given over Zoom in Nigeria.
That’s all for this week. If you’d like, you can get in touch: Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), email. And again, if you REALLY like us and can afford to, consider supporting us on UPI, Instamojo or Patreon. Until next week, may your favourite sportsperson also turn out to be a decent human being. Bye!