The Third Slip: Issue 182 - Novak, No vax, No: lakhs
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that's like Novak Djokovic. We make the headlines (literally), and hit easy balls into the throat of an unsuspecting by-stander making them question everything about their lives before quickly recovering and going back to status quo. And much like the Djoker we also make absurd predictions and end up looking like presumptuous cocks. Next random prediction: Ee saala abhi abhi hua yakeen ki cup namde...
This is issue 182, which means this is an issue that is of the Blink and you’ll miss it variety. So let’s get on with it and give an enema of the state of affairs AKA the news...
No lakh of cases: Remember the good ol’ days when we were freaking out and bunkering when India had two cases? Now it’s more “yeah machan when you are coming to collect weed you won’t be able to come up… there are 3 cases in my building… Or is it 14? Who knows haha” (this quote is entirely fictional, we buy all our weed directly from drug lord Rhea Chakraborty). Anyway, as we inch towards 1 lakh new cases a day, our only source of comfort is that the actual number is likely to be a lot, lot more, if ICMR’s first sero-survey is anything to go by. There’s hardly any doubt we’re going to be #1 in the world soon. We at TTS, ever the optimists, look forward to seeing how the Creative Mathematics Department at the government spins that to be a good thing. The most promising vaccine candidate ran into a small roadblocknafter illness to a volunteer but has now resumed. And, other research is showing cause for some cheer.
Vi will rock you, but not the markets: Vodafone-Idea rebranded but that’s not going to solve their problems. We mean, if Brand-x can’t solve your problems, it’s highly unlikely that Brandy can. If you’re interested, here’s a deep dive on the rebranding by one of India’s best designers.
There’s no ex in Brexit: That’s right. Brexit is back, baby! Long-suffering TTS readers will know of our fascination with the comedy that is UK’s ill-fated divorce from the EU. And after months of being on the sidelines, it’s back! And - learning from past mistakes, we’re not going to try and make sense of whatever news this is, because it’ll be irrelevant by Wednesday. We were amused, though, that it took leaked cables and Guardian reporting to show the EU doesn’t trust the UK.
r/mildlyamusing
Who will Nobel the cat: Myanmar soldiers admitted to rape & slaughter of Rohingya. Under the watch of a celebrated Nobel Peace Prize winner, no less. Speaking of, apparently Trump has been nominated for the prize. Oh well.
Prince of purse, ya: Five Saudis people have been convicted for journalist Jamal Khasshogi’s brutal murder, but the puppet-pulling Crown Prince was exonerated. Because who has the balls for that, right?
Mulan/Rogue: What a weird read it’s going to be for students of history in 20-30 years’ time to see that among things that are causing a global political maelstrom are an animated movie (Mulan) and a silly rogue app - TikTok - that helps you take even sillier videos. But such is the world in 2020. Oh, and the latter needs to downplay LGBTQ content in Russia & the Middle East.
Organ-ic change: And oh yes, a musical “performance” that is supposed to last 639 years took one step towards completion, as a musical note changed. (The composer is the same guy behind the 4’33” piece). 639 years, as time travellers will note, is also how long this lockdown lasted #YesWe’reReverseJinxing
Tech
Out with the volt, in with the nEV:Things are moving quickly in the EV space! (Yes, yes, we know it’s fashionable to say that now, now that The Ken is writing about it). Tesla promises many exciting things on “battery day” (huh?), while VW made a battery breakthrough, while GM invested $2b in another startup, Nikola (yes, yes). Any progress is good here, so onwards with this battery of news.
Degrees of separation: Higher education is broken, and ideas like Google’s $49/month course which it considers on par with a bachelor’s program, is a long-awaited disruption. As Scott Galloway opines, change will happen only if the customers, ie, industry, accepts it. Bring it on. Speaking of which, BYJU’s is now a decacorn back home. Meanwhile, the unemployment rate keeps rising in India and should be a big headache for the government. How bad is it? Well, so bad that Chetan Bhagat is asking the youth to focus on the economy.
Illustration by Harini Kannan
Business as unusual
That’s Nifty: A new US stock exchange wants to think beyond quarterly results and think long-term.
Chin chin: Lots of mobile phone makers, like Foxconn, plan to set up shop in India, as global players look to deChinify (as in when you try to reduce your dependence on China, not when you reduce your chini intake in an effort to reduce the prominence of that annoying second chin).
We have no branches: Gig economy drivers are hanging phones on trees outside stores to get allotted to an order before others. No, really!
World Rustling Entertainment
Doha Kabul karo: 19 years after 9/11, we’ve finally reached a place where Afghan and Taliban have started talks to end the violence in the country. In Qatar, the two sides will finally try to figure out a way forward with the Taliban demanding strict Islamic law, and the Afghan side (previously referred to as American Puppets by the Taliban) calling for an inclusive vision.
Troop or false: Can we please go a week without news about China? Ugh. Anyway. This week, shots were exchanged across our borders for the first time in decades, but things are okay… For now. By the way, did you know Github remains an archive of censored Covid content in China?
We didn’t start the fire: Yeah, that usual Trump nonsense (he spilt a bunch of beans to Bob Woodward, like how he downplayed the pandemic to avoid panic and caused thousands of deaths instead. Possibly because it’s an anagram of Dem panic, but not shocking anymore, really), but the real story from there is the horrible California fires, caused by a gender reveal party(?!)- accelerating climate change and even forest composition itself. Even climate scientists - who you’d think would be inured by now - are shocked. And what’s a week without a police shooting? This time, they shot a boy with autism.
In really effing depressing news we don’t want to talk about but can’t put off because this issue is almost over but also don’t want to elaborate about because what’s the point, really: Muslim man thrashed for existing, arm sawed off for having 786 tattooed on it. Many want Zuck to fire Ankhi Das for Islamophobia. FCRA clearance of 4 Christian groups not cleared.RW groups want to tear down mosques in Kashi & Mathura. (Also what an irony that an old Ram Temple has been demolished, making way for a new one)
LinkedOut
Make no mistake. The India growth story has stuttered. For now, anyway. What has not stuttered? Farmer suicides.
A young British man died of terminal cancer hours after he published this moving piece on The Guardian.
Instagram: Photos, Snapchat ripoff Stories, TikTok ripoff Reels, longer videos for IGTV, messaging, Discover… It’s confused af.
Trump is actually smarter than we give him credit for.
Around the world, courts are becoming mere bystanders as authoritarian governments have their way.
Your weekly “will offices die?” article
RIP, Future Retail. Here’s a nice look at what went wrong and why we should still celebrate Kishore Biyani’s experiments.
On how the Ganesh festival is finding new routes during the pandemic, like artificial ponds.
That’s all for this week. If you’d like, you can get in touch: Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), email. And again, if you REALLY like us and can afford to, consider supporting us on UPI, Instamojo or Patreon. Until next week, may the ones who truly love you and take it for granted also express it in strangely beautiful ways.