The Third Slip: Issue 180 - God of Act
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that slips-on comfortably. It is your sole-mate that asks you Hawaii doing? It always accepts the feet, but never accepts defeat. It keeps on going and chronicles all the flip-flops made by newsmakers over several weeks.
This is issue 180. 180, of course, is the answer provided by any politician to the question “How many degrees do you have?” Because, let’s face it, the moment they get elected they go into a U turn on everything they talk about. Latest in the list is Arvind Kejriwal who has suddenly woken up to the idea that Shaheen Bagh was a conspiracy. 🙄 And now, during Onam, he is batting for Vaman’s empowerment instead of focussing on women’s empowerment. O man! We hope political avial is not part of the 180 items on your banana leaf this Onam. And now, for the main item - payasam the news.
At Home: Let’s have some conversations
Ok, there’s a lot happening in India. Indeed, our best journalists are speaking to some actress’ pizza delivery boy… Or palpitating over Virushka’s delivery of a boy. So here are some other minor stories happening.
Waiting for God-doubt
Bhakts: Modi is God
Nirmala Sitharaman: The economy has been destroyed by an act of God
TTS authors: 😇
GST is God
Center in 2017: Come on, come to GST party na...
States in 2017: We’re not so sure
Center in 2017: Tell ya what, we’ll make up for state shortfalls for 5 years.
States in 2017: Well, yeah… Okay
States in 2020: Acha listen…
Nirmala Sitharaman: ACT OF GOD
States: 😭
Bohot HRD
Students taking NEET/JEE exams: Please postpone exams. We don’t want to die.
HRD: LOL
Parents: Yaar please
HRD: Go away
Opposition: No, really
HRD: Lol fuck off
Kids, again: PLEASE MODIJI DO SOMETHING
Modiji: See my peacock collection
Everyone: 😭
Republic TV: RHEA DID DRUGS
Hotel Dissent
Some Congress people: WE NEED REFORM IN THE PARTY
Sonia Gandhi: Ya ok
Other Congress people: NO SONIAJI DON’T GO
Sonia: Who said we’re leaving?
BJP: 😂
Curve ball
Virus: Hi I’m still around
Epidemiologists: Actually, 5x more than what people say
Shankar Mahadevan: SUNO GAUR SE DUNIYA WALON BURI NAZAR NAA HUMPE DALO CHAHE JITNA JOR LAGA LO SABSE AAGE HONGE HINDUSTANI
Proud Indian: Damn, were you speaking about daily Covid count world records?
SM: What da? You want me to spell it out for you and sing Breathless also?
Government: Don’t worry we have best_scientists who we refuse to fund
Vaccine manufacturers: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Quotable courts
(meanwhile this is still happening)
Supreme Court: Apologize for making fun of us
Prashant Bhushan: No, do what you want to do to me
SC: Ey no ya, we don’t know what to do. We thought you’ll say sorry
PB: The only way I will mention sorry is in the phrase “I won’t say sorry”
SC: So you will say sorry?
PB: LOLOLOL poda
International conversations
Art of burying the lead
Climate change: How will you solve me?
Trump: I don’t care
Climate change: You kiddin’ right? Look at these fires in California and the hurricane in Louisiana…
Trump: I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER HOW AWESOME I AM
The gun-toting couple: We agree.
Trump: Come to the RNC as my guests, won’t you!
All vile matter
American blacks: Jacob Blake, another one of us, shot by police.
Trump supporting teenager: I’ll go one better and actually kill two of you in the subsequent protests.
Trump supporters: That’s a good kid.
Pro Athletes: WTF. We can’t stand by and watch, we will boycott games.
IPL: We also may not play. Che no saar, no lives matter and all, God-blessu full CSK squad got Covid
New Zealand: Um, meanwhile, we sentenced that mosque shooter to life, for the first time in our history…
Illustration by Harini Kannan
Free ughs
Africa: Well, at least we’re free of wild polio.
UK: And we are free of Boris Johnson’s popularity. Tories’ lead has gone down from 26% to 0%
Shinzo Abe: I’m resigning because my health is getting in the way of governance and I apologize to my people for…
India: “apologize” what does that word…
India’s Supreme Court: WE KNOW WHAT IT…
Prashant Bhushan: Oh give it a rest fellows.
Bully and the China shop
Russia: Bro, China look da I threatened to invade Belarus chumma to stir things up.What you did bro?
China: Nothing da, just threw a message into the sea.
Russia: Chee jujube message in a bottle and all you’re playing aa
China: Eh poda, not bottle. We fired some little missiles to scare off those US fellows
Tech
Tech it and go
TikTok’s American CEO, Kevin Mayer: Ok, I can’t deal with all this, I’m leaving.
Shareholders: WTF in 3 months?
Walmart: Lol hey Microsoft you wanna team up to acquire it?
Microsoft: Lolsure
Oracle: Don’t forget us, while we’re talking about middle-aged tech companies...
Amazon: Fuck it, we’re gonna work on this device to monitor people’s health
Bringing home the bacon
Elon Musk: Oh hey guys, I can solve everything by hooking people’s brains to the internet, like I’ve done with this piggy here.
World: This is how this ends isn’t it?
LinkedOut
A new breed of startups is coming, thanks to the pandemic.
The incredible story of the Sudha Bharadwaj the government doesn’t want you to know.
That’s all for this week. If you’d like, you can get in touch: Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), email. And again, if you REALLY like us and can afford to, consider supporting us on UPI, Instamojo or Patreon. Until next week, may you stare at yourself longer than usual in your shower mirror and smile. Bye!