The Third Slip: Issue 174 - Jio jeeta, nahi second-er
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that is like the “Everything is cake” meme. On the outside it appears as if we’re covering something serious, but when you dissect us we’re just fluff and jokes, we have many layers, we’re a brief indulgence that’s unhealthy if consumed in excess, and let’s face it - we’re sweet and nice and a good substitute for friends during a pandemic.
This is issue 174. One seven four, of course, anagrams to Veneer of onus - which is an apt description of the accountability we take while reporting and satirising the news...
Around the world
Kanye-daan
Finally, that controversial anti-abortionist is out of the race. Yes, Kanye West dropped out after 2 weeks of trying, both winning and losing Elon Musk’s support. Oh, America. In more sane politics, Trump demotes his campaign manager, angry at how everyone is saying he’ll lose to Biden. And he will - unless Russia and China interfere… Oh wait. Let’s just putin a jinping in that.
Visaw what you did there
After stinging criticism, the US administration reluctantly said ok ok foreign students can come to universities. It’s worth remembering tech is very reliant on foreign students.
To stop train, pull China
Meanwhile, China remains a popular GD topic among all international players - given they were the ground zero for the pandemic, all their adventures in Hong Kong, genocide of the Uighurs, and general global bullying. India has banned some apps, the US is threatening its own companies over ties to the party and now the UK has banned Huawei from making 5G equipment. It’s like they’re putting up a Great Wall or something. Germany on the other hand is trying to take a more conciliatory tone, refusing to criticize outright. Wurst behaviour. Frankfurtly my dear, I don’t give a damn.
Putting the ow in Krakow
A right-wing, xenophobic, homophobic, “rural-appeal” alliance won. This time in Poland. When your grandkids ask you what you were doing in 2020, it seems a heroic answer would be “Staying at home, and not being a Nazi”.
Raiding the crypt o' currency
Twitter had their worst hacking ever with some really important names tweeting out a Bitcoin address people to send money to. But for all the bravado and risk, the scammers didn’t make all that much. Turns out teaching a man how to phish isn’t good enough either.
That’s not cricket!
In things that the world really didn’t need right now: 3 Team Cricket is a real format now! With Gold, Silver, Bronze medals and all. Don’t bother figuring it out, it should die a quick and painless death like a Bumrah yorker that just missed your toe.
Stuff happening domestically
Land of kingmakers
To Rajasthan. A lot of nonsense is happening in Rajasthan with deputy CM Sachin Pilot and nobody knows what’s happening. So one dynast (Pilot) wants more power in the Congress, another dynast (Rahul Gandhi) won’t give it to him, the current CM (Gehlot) is nervous, the BJP is raising funds to topple the already precarious government (got to admire their opportunism!) and news channels (die nasty) are confused.
Jio Mere Lal
Reliance is increasingly betting on the future, and looks to be on the path to domination. Apart from getting investments from FB, Google, Qualcomm and a bunch of others, it’s building a moat and has the non-VC deep pockets to become a behemoth. In their much-hyped AGM, it said it was debt-free, said it would bring 5G services, and showed off a VR headset with intentions of getting into EdTech. Also, Mukesh, if you’d like to invest in a satire newsletter… TTS doesn’t normally give stock tips, except “Please stock up, you never know when the next full lockdown will come.” but maybe Reliance?
Sucker-berg and Pichai-kaaran? This gorgeous illustration by Harini Kannan
Index case
There are more first-time stock investors than before, a combination of boredom, lots of disposable income, low prices and a market that’s still rising for some reason. Proceed with caution.
Unnatural Habitat
Trolls are coming for India’s comedy scene and we don’t mean poor reviews. Christian comedians have been called ‘rice bag converts’, while female ones keep getting rape threats (more than in usual times). Agrima Joshua for one, says the recent arrests have only increased the rape/death threats. ("It's against all of us - it was just my turn this week", she said to one of our authors)
No moan ya
First indigenous vaccine for infant pneumonia approved by the Drug Controller and General of India.
Coronadhona
Who wants to be a millionaire?
1 million cases in India (though an expert estimates it could be as much as 140 million), deaths exceed 25k, nobody else cares about recovery rate, more viral videos negate what state governments claim. Even those eligible for food aren’t getting it. Meanwhile, it’s not particularly great elsewhere - Hong Kong reported its highest daily number of new cases, in Bangladesh you can get fake Covid negative certificates, Philippines employs drug war tactics, allowing police to search for those with the virus. Oh well, at least CAA is being delayed.
Anhoni ko Anthony kar de
Fauci says the US must stop this nonsense as reopening has fallen apart. Trump’s trade assistant blasted Fauci in an op-ed and then the WH backtracked probably because it’s not a good idea to criticize a lion when it’s saving you from a bear. All in all, Mexico and Canada don’t mind that border thing much now. Meanwhile, Russian cyberspies are trying to steal vaccine research. In Soviet Russia, clinical trials finish you.
Drugout
Hydroxychloroquine still doesn’t do anything after immense hype. Which means it’s in line to become the next leader of a large democracy. No wait, apparently it does not cause harm either. Meh. Disqualified.
Phasing the music
Oxford vaccine looks positive, as does Moderna’s. Biocon also has a drug, but it’s being criticized for low sample size. No idea what happened to Patanjali’s :( But then, even when we find a vaccine, what comes next could be murkier.
Bullrun in China shops
China’s GDP growth for the quarter is up - signalling a small rebound. Yay(?)
Rat art? Oui
Banksy did Banksy things like dressing up as a member of the cleaning crew in London’s underground tube and graffitiing rats with masks.
Slip-sloppers - Fake testimonials from our very real patrons
“I am a big fan of obscure progressive rock from the early 70s. There was this Coventry-based band called the Second Slip who I was obsessed with. They played lovely jazz-fusion-proto-punk-prog metal, a genre I am passionate about. So when I was told there’s something called the Third Slip coming out from our own Kerala (ok, Mumbai) I had to sign up. I didn’t care what it was. I’m not completely disappointed that it’s a silly newsletter with some puns - though I wish they’d do a guitar solo once in a while” - Berty Ashley
(You really don’t want that - Editor.
Wait, we have an editor? - Authors.)
If you’d like to support us and get your own fake testimonials, you can send us a one-off payment - as small as you like - on UPI, InstaMojo or become a recurring supporter on Patreon.
LinkedOut
Indian farmers take to technology
Housing for all would help India achieve its China (or beyond) goals, and the current situation provides a damn good opportunity.
A number of gorgeous countries - including Barbados - are wooing remote workers.
On the increasing irrelevance of the Congress, while AAP moves to the “right”
The world’s population will peak (9.7b by 2064) and then drop. We’ll be older. Wiser? Ha!
That’s all for this week. If you’d like, you can get in touch: Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), email. And again, if you REALLY like us and can afford to, consider supporting us on UPI, Instamojo or Patreon. Until next week, may you fall in love with something new that makes you incredibly happy for 3 months - like your Covid hairstyle. Bye!