The Third Slip: Issue 173 - The Wrong Arm of the Law
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that’s like encounter killings in UP. It’s absurd, but appears on your timeline all too frequently. It highlights the worst of a vibrant democracy and should make you sad, but ultimately it makes you chuckle because there is no better way to cope. Cop out FTW.
This is issue 173. 173 as the Hindi speakers call it is एक सौ तिहत्तर - which when translated back to English means One hundred theatres. A commentary on the number of far-fetched dramas playing out in the world as news these days. Don’t believe us? Read on...
Around the world
Weak in the niece
Let’s start with some comedy before jumping into depressing shit, and for that we reliably turn Statesward. When Trump filled the Supreme Court with his cronies, the last thing he probably expected is a bunch of decisions to go against his base or him - like supporting abortions, LGBT rights or (this week) saying that prosecutors can see his financial records, something he’s been dead against. Someone needs a phone call from their dear friend Modi on how to do this properly. It's like the PM doesn't care.
Meanwhile, his niece wrote a less-than-flattering book. So he’s taking out all his rage ordering schools to reopen - making them battlegrounds (but not in the usual gun violence-y way the US loves so much) and commuting the sentence of a very corrupt friend. Thankfully, the Dems look increasingly united (less divided, anyway), and a giant “Black Lives Matter” was painted in front of Trump Tower. How do you like dem big apples?
App-y Fizz: While on the subject of Trump listening to his dear friend, it turns out the US also might ban TikTok. Yay, the West copied from us for once.
Usual susptechs: The four Big Tech bros will testify in Congress, virtually. What a lineup! Well, we already know they will go away scot-free. Keyser mehzsöze ho raha hai?
Revenue stream: Harvard becomes the world’s most expensive streaming platform (no really), as it’s going to change courses to online delivery but at the same ridiculous price.
Hang Kong: The utopia that was the little autonomous region is no longer so. People are being arrested, businesses are wondering what to do, and China has banned EVERYONE around the world (!) from wanting democracy for li’l HK. Since anti-China slogans are banned, protestors are ingeniously showing up with blank placards.
Paper tiger, proper dragon: China’s overall bullying is not going unnoticed, with the ICC (criminal court, not cricket council) called upon to investigate the genocide against the Uighurs. Xi is quaking in his boots now. Up next, a strongly worded letter to the local newspaper expressing utmost displeasure.
Recep for disaster: The flavour of the decade is the same across the world. Seemingly strongmen leaders but useless leaders distracting the populace from terrible performance using religious fundamentalism. This week, Recep Erdogan's Turkey decided to turn the Hagia Sophia into a mosque. Mandate wahi banayenge.
Uber eats competition: Uber acquires Postmates - a food delivery platform, furthering ‘delivery’ consolidation.
Floating a new idea, sirjee: Google has started a commercial deployment of their parachute internet, in Kenya.
Stuff happening domestically
Dubey gaya: Gangster Vikas Dubey killed by UP Police - shady encounter. Which raises too many questions, especially as Adityanath’s ‘war on terror’ excluded politically connected dacoits like him. Yes, all the “BJP removes any vikas in its way” jokes have been made.
The demotion of suspect X
Illustration by Harini Kannan
Natural Habitat: A popular comedy venue in Mumbai was vandalized after comedian Agrima Joshua’s jokes tangentially referencing (Chhatrapati) Shivaji (Maharaj) resurfaced. For no explicable reason. Here’s hoping nobody dives into TTS archives that often… Sena sena you said it to me, do na do na you did it to me…
Cut-man-do: Nepal has blanked out Indian TV channels for character assassination of its leaders. As Orijit Sen said, it would help a lot of India blanked out Indian news channels too.
Bordeauxr mixture: Ok, credit where it’s due: Chinese troops have moved back and disengagement is happening. But hey, China knows it can come and go as it pleases, like a testosterone-filled engineering student who jumps the wall of the ladies' hostel just because his seniors told him it's a cool thing to do.
Corororororororororoyour boat, but forget the scream
Holler coaster: If you’re in Japan… theme parks are banning screaming so you don't spread Covid.
Jair Jair Jair Jair hai: India’s close friend and Republic Day special guest, Jair Bolsonaro, gets Covid. Yes, we know what you’re wishing for. But that’s all you. We’re decent, upstanding woke cis-het men who won’t stand by and let anything get in the way of our virtue signalling.
Numb and number: Records are meant to be broken - even if they were made on the previous day. India’s nearing 30k cases a day (the US is at 63k). But fear not, we’ve managed to do so without community transmission because we’re awesome like that! LOL. Meanwhile Amit Shah has said India is at a good position in Covid-19, presumably referring to the fact that we've now climbed to #3 in the world in number of cases. Even as the common man is alarmed as homeopathy peddling plate banger of the year Amitabh Bachchan and his family test positive for the virus and got admitted. On the other hand, poet Varavara Rao who was arrested on trumped up charges in the Bhima Koregaon case is still in jail despite health concerns. Aren’t you glad at the India we’ve created - one where the mind is without fear and the head held high?
Negativity play: To add to the fun, the WHO says the virus can be airborne. Nationalising private hospitals could be one way out. Speaking of which, one of our hospitals will sell you ‘Covid negative’ reports (how convenient!) - guess which state. Go on.
Fund-a-mentalist: Confucius say, Man who can put a billion people under the illusion that he’s their saviour will be sponsored. The “success” of PM CARES has affected (and will continue to affect) other CSR and NGOs. Anyway, BJP has blocked parliamentary panel review of the fund and the virus response itself, so yay!
Yeh Mumbai hai meri jaan: But in good news, new CRISPR can detect the virus in less than an hour, and we’re seeing a boost in interest in alternative meat. Also, Mumbai is seeing its lowest case spikes in months (a relief as a good percentage of our readership and and 100% of authorship comes from there)
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LinkedOut
Covid is accelerating human transformation and we shouldn’t waste it.
Hubris of post-war self-congratulation for US&UK
Does the virus herald an Asian century? Or is that dream already killed, ironically, by China?
Shekhar Gupta argues that the state of UP should be broken up to make it more manageable.
So it’s halfway through the year. India report card? Well… At least Dear Leader remains popular.
BLM is forcing tech to re-evaluate the ‘master/slave’ terminology
That’s all for this week. If you’d like, you can get in touch: Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), email. And again, if you REALLY like us and can afford to, consider supporting us on UPI, Instamojo or Patreon. Until next week, may you get a surprise delivery that makes you smile because you instinctively upper cut it over third man for a six. Bye!