The Third Slip: Issue 172 - Ban Baaja Bharat
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that's like TikTok. Its content is made by non-mainstream guys who grew up in small towns, it offers a glimpse into the real state of the world, it is packed with things that supposedly makes you cringe but you secretly enjoy, and you will care about it a lot more when it's eventually banned by the government of India.
This is issue 172. The first one for the second half of 2020. While we all hope it will be way different from what preceded it, simple math tells us that this is not true. We can see protests from some optimists. It is july noted. But, if you add up the digits in 172, you get 10, which when you add up further gives you 1. Single. Implying that we’re all alone in this together, and also that adding up random digits to extract meaning is as ridiculous as the news these days...
Seeing Red; White Nationalism; Blue in the Face
The most narcissistic country in the world (US, not us) is reeling - with over 50,000 daily cases, as wearing a mask and social distancing has become a partisan issue. Fauci warns cases could rise to 100k per day, and given that most ‘Muricans are going to throw caution to the winds on their national day, this could come sooner than later. This week’s enduring image is that of a gun-toting, mansion-living white couple threatening a peaceful BLM crowd. Good thing Biden looks increasingly likely to win and if not, we have Kanye West deciding to run for President. Think it's time we started calling it star mangled banner.
Who’ll Tell Aviv?
Bolstered by support from the USA Trump administration, Israel is increasingly encroaching into Palestine.
Wrong Kong
Well, we finally got here. China passed a National Security Law which will strip Hong Kong of much of its autonomy. Already, pro-democracy posters etc are scrubbing their social media as hundreds of arrests have been made and books are disappearing from libraries. Taiwan is scared it’ll be next. China doesn’t care about the mounting international criticism. Can we all go back to living in caves again?
Unfriended
It’s been quite the week for bans. Apart from FB who’s still sucking Trump cock, other tech platforms are blocking his supporters including Reddit (yes, r/the_donald is gone), Snapchat, Twitch, YouTube and more. But an unprecedented ad boycott from major advertisers is making The Zuck rethink priorities. It’s still symbolic, but it’s forcing some change.
Lock stock and barrel
There was a terrorist attack in the Karachi stock market which led to several Indians asking the question “There is a stock market in Pakistan?!”
In Soviet Russia, leaders choose you
Putin will probably be in power till 2036. Should we hold another election anytime soon? There’s no russia. In other news, it seems Russia was giving bounties to the Taliban to kill American & British Troops in Afghanistan and Trump knew. This is like a bad Jeffrey Archer novel.
Car met market
Tesla is now the most valuable car maker in the world! Ah, the stock market!
Stuff happening domestically
Chatterjee about Bannerjee
What a slap in the face for all of China’s wrongs - we have banned their apps. That’ll show ‘em. The Indian government bans 59 Chinese apps, even as one department’s circular was scanned using CamScanner. Sadly, this leaves the careers of many TikTokers in the balance.
App in the air
Illustration by Harini Kannan
Ek Ladakhi ko dekha toh aisa laga
PM Modi visited soldiers in Ladakh to show solidarity with the troops. Although it is the bare minimum expected of a head of state, our news banals (yes, we pronounce it as banal. Why do you pronounce it as banal?!) immediately went into overdrive making us question the relevance of attempting satire. But then, Gen Z stepped up and delivered hope like an expedited Amazon Prime package. They left hundreds of thirsty comments on Modiji’s Instagram page. Prize comments include “Use handcuffs on me… like you do on our journalists” and “I wanna be lost in your arms like the pm cares fund details”. The future is bright.
Calling it in
Vodafone Idea has posted the biggest ever loss by an Indian company. But wait, you say. The biggest Indian loss was in the World Cup final against Australia in 2003. You are right. But also kind of a jerk for bringing up that painful memory which refuses to heal.
Espirit de corpse
Without its army of cheap migrant labour, Mumbai is about to reach a moment of reckoning, especially as the monsoon arrives.
Machine against the rage
TheCAA protest news never really goes away. This week, Lucknow attached (transferred) properties of the anti-CAA protestors to recover 'damages'. This follows the well-established pattern of hiding the perpetrators, and oppression of protestors. Just being able to express your thoughts seems like a privilege in the greatest democracy in the world these days.
Flood for thought
Whenever you’re enjoying #petrichor or whatever, remember that parts of the country will be flooding. Assam this week.
Honesty is the best policing
How low is the bar for the law in India? How rare is it that Indian police apologizes? This week, Odisha Police sacked a cop over conduct in a rape case and apologized to the survivor. And finally, those turds of TN cops who brutally killed the shopkeepers were booked for murder.
Corororororororororoyour boat, don’t forget to scream
Huzzah, we’ve crossed 10m cases, 500k deaths and while we’re past peak lockdown, we’re nowhere close to the worst of the virus, according to the WHO chief. The poor, as always, is hit the most - from indigenous Brazilian tribes to Rohingya refugees in Bangladesh. New clusters re-emerge in countries that had the virus under control. Idiots around the world (from Australia to Patna to of course, Murica) ensure that the virus keeps ravaging us. As the Economist brilliantly puts it, “You might have lost interest in the virus, but it has not lost interest in you”. Aw <3
Nationvaccine
But it’s ok! The PM has said we’ll have a vaccine by Aug 15, much like how your boss promises the client the deck will reach by Monday morning. Unscientific, you say? Don’t worry, the deadline was only meant to cut red tape, clarifies ICMR. After all, it’s not like the PMCares Ventilator fudged software to make it look like it was working… Oh… Well. In some real good news, one of the world’s largest COVID hospitals opens in Delhi
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LinkedOut
Nice perspective on why statues should not be torn down.
An excellent look at why Biden could not just win, but be a great president. Thanks, Covid!
The 👁👄👁 meme and “product”. Fascinating. #BLM.
The systemic stupidity of America. A glorious read from one of our favourite Medium authors.
That’s all for this week. If you’d like, you can get in touch: Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), email. And again, if you REALLY like us and can afford to, consider supporting us on UPI, Instamojo or Patreon. Until next week, may your life be as exciting as the anticipation you feel on page 42 of a mystery novel.