The Third Slip: Issue 171 - You’ll never mock alone
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that’s like Liverpool FC. We used to be cool in our own right long before these fancy Russian-owned newsletters came about, we spawned a bunch of other followers who picked up our tune, and even though we’re kind of old-fashioned now, occasionally we still knock it out of the park. What we’re saying is ee Salah cup namde!
This is issue 171, or as they say in Hindi - Ek saat ek mudda - which is the kind of attitude we need to get through these pandemic times. A thought that’s as unique as every CEOs bi-weekly Covid mail to their employees, telling them how noble it is that their salary is being cut. This issue is dedicated to everyone who wanted to reply to those emails with “Idea and all okay, you please come and see my house, MD.” And, on with the news...
Liberty of Statute: This week, USA is asking the question - Do any lives matter? Once a powerful country, the US has seen massive spikes in virus cases thanks mainly to the stupidity of its people (anti-maskers!) and president (still wants to end Obamacare). Thankfully, Biden is raising funds fast and is growing in the polls. Trump has decided to halt the H1B visa, drawing backlash from several corners of a country built on immigration. One wonders what native Americans think of this - or indeed, immigrant Indians - do they still love Uncle Trump? Anyway, he himself has to deal with his niece’s new book - which not just calls her uncle unhinged but the whole family dysfunctional.
From visa run to visaranai: Which is a movie you must watch, especially if you think the police are your friends. This week, a most horrific incident from Thoothukudi came to light when a father and son were murdered by police for keeping a shop open 10 minutes beyond the allowed time. In a week where “fair” seems to have been removed from our conscience, the cold numbness of just ice justice was carried out by “suspending” the cops and handing over the case to the CBI. Words fail us.
Illustration by Harini Kannan.
FMCG: Fair, Make Creams Graceful
So HUL decided to drop the ‘Fair’ from its bestselling product. They will continue selling it though, because… Y’know duty is only skin-deep. And something’s gotta fund that beautiful big office. Small steps.
FMCG: Fast Moving Cons by Godmen
So when Patanjali said they had a cure for the virus, we wished they were right: We’ll gladly take back all the jokes and stuff if they actually manage it. However… You can guess what happened. It was so bad that even the centre asked it to stop advertising and the formal collection of quacks, AYUSH, has said the claims are dubious. And it turns out that in the clinical test, allopathic drugs were used. Ah, nostalgia for the good old times when petrol was cheap and Ramar Pillai sold (snake) oil.
Vat I can do: Speaking of fossils, fuels, and snake oil - Pope Francis calls Catholics to divest from fossil fuels. Climate change, indeed.
Commission impossible: Showing they’re more “right” than “human”, the National Human Rights Commission blames Jamia’s kids for the CAA-NRC police violence. In much the same way that firemen are blamed for wetting houses.
Sino Evil: So everyone is apparently boycotting Chinese goods but OnePlus8 sold out in minutes. We’ll let our simian friend speak no evil -> 🙊
Eh?commerce: If you’re selling goods online, you need to show the country of origin, or Indianness in each product. TTS is proudly 100% Made in India so you can support us via Patreon | Instamojo | UPI
Hey Judge!: Don’t make it bad. By saying things like“Woman didn’t react like she was ‘ravished’”. And on that basis, a Karnataka court granted bail to a rape accused. Ugh! What does one say except Na na na na na na na na na na
FIR milenge: Scroll’s editors challenge a baseless FIR, which is just another in the series of “chilling effect” inducers.
Haha corona sounds like coroner… (Ok sorry)
Love all, serve all: Anyone who keeps score can tell you why “love” is not good in tennis. Prolific scorer, World #1 Tennis Player, and Professional Idiot, Novak Djokovic hosted a tennis tournament with parties and whatnot gleefully spread the virus and got infected himself. On the positive (heh) side, he is famously an anti-vaxxer so there was only one way he could have become immune to Covid.
Sounding like a broken record: Covid count is breaking a “daily record” every day, and it’s estimated that half our population will get the virus, accelerating to 200,000 cases a day, overburdening our already pressured medical systems. Latin America now has half the world’s new virus-related deaths. WHO warns of oxygen shortage. The Hajj might be cancelled. Heck, even Sweden failed. The US… well, never mind.
The business end: But it goes beyond this moment. The virus - like a computer crash for those who don’t instinctively Ctrl+S their PPT every 2 minutes - could reverse much progress. And - despite everything, China remains the world’s factory, more than ever.
Puri-tan streak: Apart from America’s anti-maskers, people are thronging to England’s beaches, 18 members of a Texas family got the virus after attending a party, and of course, all those patriotic Indians who abused Muslims for spreading the virus are gleefully rushing to Puri for the Rath Yatra, whose servitor has tested positive. See, we shouldn’t be wishing ill on others… But… y’know… We might have found a convenient and morally ambiguous better way of doing a Thanos. OH SNAP! WE SAID IT!
Dharavi, there are we: Cases are starting to decline in some places, especially in Dharavi. China’s patriotic expats are now rethinking their love for the country, abandoned abroad (this is more schadenfreude than good news, but we’ll take it). Cities with BLM protests have not seen spikes (on the other hand, Red States rushing to diners…). And Congo’s Ebola outbreak is finally over.
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Tech it and go
A chip on their shoulder: Apple & Intel are no longer friends as it looks to build its own more efficient integrated chips :(
Advocacy of ad revocacy: FB loses antitrust case in Germany. Many advertisers are pulling out, including Verizon, Ben & Jerry's, Upwork and others, including P&G, are threatening to do so. Meanwhile a new US Bill might make it mandatory for social media platforms to disclose their moderation practices.
Console console: First time a video game can be prescribed as a therapeutic.
No More’s law: In case you’re wondering what’s the outer limit to get over a break up, Google will delete your data every 18 months by default.
Wheel wheel rock you: A week after Mumbai cops appeared to be riding them down Marine Drive, Segway has ended production!
University in diversity: TikTok is developing programs to support diverse creators
Never seattle: Amazon is renaming the Seattle NHL stadium to the Climate Pledge Arena after securing renaming rights!
That’s all for this week. If you’d like, you can get in touch: Instagram (Chuck | Tony), Twitter (Chuck | Tony), email. And again, if you REALLY like us and can afford to, consider supporting us on UPI, Instamojo or Patreon. Until next week, may you get drunk enough to verbalise everything you always wanted to, and eloquently. Bye!