The Third Slip: Issue 165 - Sanitise package before use
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that is like our Finance Minister’s speeches. We like to pretend it’s a big deal, we don’t want to burden you with the details, it keeps on going with several iterations, we’re fully non-receptive to feedback, we don’t think highly of Rahul Gandhi, and occasionally we needlessly wing it in Hindi even though it’s firmly our third language.
This is issue 165. 165, of course, was part of your standard order at that shady bar after a long day at the office. “Boss 1 chicken 65, 2 London Pilsner!”. Remember Chicken 65? Remember London Pilsner? Remember ShadyBar? Remember the office? Who would have thought TTS would last longer than those things. Yet, here we are because what is dead inside may never die - the news...
Corona Corner
2020/20:20/20,00,00,00,00,000 Vision
So we got an economic package. 10% of GDP! Self-reliant Bharat! Finally, we’ll not just be out of this mess, but be a world leader! YEAH! And, as promised by the centre, new cases have dropped to zero on May 16th!Now that there’s nothing for us libtards to criticize, that’s it for this week’s TTS, see you next…
(Sigh. Someday, we’ll have a para-long TTS. Some day)
Nirbharat atma ki jai!
The generous 20 lakh crore package was always going to be a test of the BJP’s already famed creative mathematics skills and boy did it deliver. The actual spending amount (including, thankfully, for free food) is 2.5% of that grand number. The rest? Loan amount earmarked for banks by the RBI, credit for MSMEs, deferred taxes, reduction in PF (that already belongs to employees)... This was basically the Union Budget with a mask. Sure, there’s some talk of much-needed structural reform and privatization drives in many sectors, but that’s kinda like the MCC deciding on new ODI rules during the World Cup final super-over. There’s no idea where spending for the virus is happening. Anyway, Modiji has once again shown he’s a master storyteller who places narrative over pragmatism.
Baaki Kaata
Illustration by Harini Kannan
Poor performance
This package was summed up best by Rahul Gandhi: “When a child has an accident or gets hurt, the mother or the father does not give him a bank loan. They do not give him credit. A mother is ready to give whatever food or water she has to her child and that is the spirit the Government of India should apply”. But apparently, no one is starving in India according to Piyush Goyal. As Groucho Marx famously said “Time flies like an arrow, fruit lies like a chutiya banana”. Meanwhile, Atlas holding up the only pillar of democracy has shrugged, yet again. The Supreme Court says we can’t do anything bro.
No ration. Migration.
Meanwhile, the poor continue to suffer. Migrants getting mowed down on the way home have gone from being heart-wrenching stories to statistics (so much so that even Republic is reporting positively about Rahul Gandhi meeting migrants and arranging cars for them). And even as the economy looks to restart, states are trying to revise labour laws to make things worse off for them, so much so that even the RSS’ labour wing is opposed. Like one writer said, India’s capitalists deserve the labour shortages they’re going to be hit with. And while uploading migrant details is supposed to be a positive step, you must be a non-TTS subscriber to think that’s not going to lead to more surveillance. Setu Brute!
Hope ache? Opaque.
The virus continues to ravage our shores, and the lack of data and transparency is hindering our fight against the virus, as well as lack of medical experts on all those committees. If it’s prayers that’s making us not devolve into USA-level numbers, then your two atheist authors are happy to turn religious.
A trip around the world
Putin haara?: In Russia (now #2 in the world), the virus’ spread has done what political dissidents never could - sink Putin’s popularity. NZ is so strict, that the PM herself couldn’t get a seat at a cafe because of social distancing! Nothing’s changed much elsewhere. Around the world, a common thread is the suffering of the poor, so much so that a call to forgive poor countries’ debt is gaining traction. Sensible countries (Denmark, NZ, SK, Uruguay, Vietnam, Taiwan) continue to recover, while those run by morons are suffering: Brazil, led by the virus-sceptic Bolsonaro is now a hotspot, risks military intervention and has seen two health ministers quit in a month. Original troublemakers China, meanwhile, might be stealing coronavirus research.
Seeing stars & stripes
But when we talk of overconfident countries led by prize buffoons, you know who tops our list. Against medical advice, states are slowly reopening, and defiant restaurant owners and bar-goers are keen on making ‘Murica a hotspot again. The poster boy for this recklessness was - shockingly and unsurprisingly at the same time - Elon Musk. He re-opened his factory, invited arrest, and gave a middle finger to whiny employees too lily-livered to come out and work. As a result, he has Trump on his side, always a red flag (or a red & white one?). Trump is busy blaming something on Obama, saying he committed the biggest political crime in American history (what is it? Nobody knows). It’s cute that Obama is basically Trump’s Nehru.
Tech no prisoners
The landscape of Silicon Valley is changing - with Twitter’s Jack Dorsey, already a remote work proponent, has allowed all employees to WFH, indefinitely. This line of thinking is catching on, and it’s likely that the super-expensive San Francisco could see an exodus of folks who’d rather stay elsewhere to save on rent (be scared, Lower Parel brokers!). On the other hand, Apple wants people back (because secrecy, culture and spending a fuckton on that new office)
Appetite for opportunistic construction
Last week, Trump visited a factory where some naughty fellow blasted Guns ‘n’ Roses’ Live & Let Die on the PA. This week, the band turned that into a tee and is selling it for charity.
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Everything other than the virus
Barren Baron: Mallya is almost about to get extradited back to India where a few people would like to have a word with him. Expect him to lick a Covid-19 positive person on the way over.
Trade Tirade: Much like a cricket captain retiring in the middle of a tense cricket match, the WTO chief has decided to call it quits.
Guess WHO’s Back! India’s going to take a WHO leadership role, meaning it can’t go on sitting on the fence on many geopolitical issues anymore.
Tech tonics: FB will pay content moderators $52m in settlements for mental health-related issues. This is amazing, and The Verge’s stellar reporting is partially to thank. Also in tech news, FB bought Giphy and Apple bought NextVR. Amazon just made a microbe-busting robot, nbd.
Deja w00t: Now that some countries are getting back to normal, they can go back to doing what they used to do before, so naturally, Hong Kong’s protestors are back!
Living on the EDGE: 4G in Kashmir? No, no, we don’t want to decide - SC
Ughfanistan: Peace in Afghanistan? Not so fast, say militants. They attacked a funeral and a maternity home. Two newborns were killed. Perhaps the virus does deserve to take out humanity. Some things just don’t change do they? Some time in the distant future, we may again be able to dream of a Bali tan, and there’ll still be a place for the Taliban.
LinkedOut: Some good things we read this week
What offices have to reconsider when reopening
Trump might win ‘digitally’. But that doesn’t matter. Biden’s winning the argument. Great read, this.
A very good chance for India to go federal and empower states.
The Guardian tells the story of how Kerala’s rock star health minister - KK Shailaja - saved the state from Covid-19
The Office (the show, not your workplace) is on Slack
Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Foo Fighters) writes about how he misses live music and performing.
If you’re looking to travel back in time, how’s pre-1991? Welcome to a new License Raj!
Finally, a radical (even to leftists) idea: Degrowth. It’s very idealistic but since we’re getting a chance to reboot the planet and economics, we might as well do something that will help everyone than just a few, no?
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Instagram (Chuck | Tony) and Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may you search and find an endless supply of imagination to keep you entertained. Bye!