The Third Slip: Issue 162 - Oil well that ends swell
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that’s like your investment portfolio right now. It’s completely absurd and mostly depressing. But you feel like checking it time and again for the latest depressing news. Which, by now, is slightly amusing. You could call it the stock home syndrome.
This is issue 162. By now you’ve finished Zoom-ing with all the humans you’ve ever met in your entire life and have started talking to just about anything in the universe. And so, 162 or एक सौ बासठ is how you should sign off the letter you write to your friend’s dog this week. “Keep your tail up, and keep woofing. XO Basset!” But only after you read the news...
Everything other than the virus
Bottom of the barrel: When you hear the words “negative crude future” it is hard to imagine that it is not Covid-related. But, it turns out the oil prices went negative last week. (Explainer) So many countries are screwed because of this. But don’t worry, we’ll pour the oil on troubled waters with an illustration for TTS by the brilliant @kannanharini
He’s got some bottle!: Vijay Mallya lost his extradition case. He’s trying to get on the right side of the public by asking the government to take his money and use it to fight the virus. Pshhh. Does he think we’re gullible idiots? If he wants to get on our right side now, he has to get us at least a couple of bottles of alcohol each. Drinking is also an ex-tradition now. Sigh!
Kim Jong Ill: North Korea’s Kim Jong Un might be dead (because his surgeon’s hands were shaking while inserting a stent? Fear never works). Or not. Un-dead is a nice term for now. Nobody knows who the successor will be. Maybe his sister? Or, possibly, an all-out power struggle. Just what the world needed right now - more uncertainty in a wacko country with access to nuclear weapons.
Jo Jio tha wohi Zuckerberg: FB bought 10% of Jio, thrilling everyone who wanted Mumbai Indians, Vimal and Instagram to be part of the same corporate structure. (Oh, and Amazon is tying up with kirana shops - full global battle in India now).
India of The Republic: Describe the state of the nation in brief, 2 marks. Non-stop propaganda and fake news by mainstream media and rumour mongering on WhatsApp has made India the lynch capital. Two people were lynched in Palghar by a frenzied mob for no reason. Pied Piper of the sewers of Indian journalism tried to paint a communal angle to it and resigned from the Editor’s Guild because everyone other than himself was spreading fake news. You can’t make this up. The delusional illusionist then successfully baited Sonia Gandhi, claimed he was attacked by Youth Congress workers, and showed us that the judiciary is capable of acting with speed by getting the Supreme Court by granting him relief against a defamation case. Phew.
Arab Goswami: Some Indians in the Middle East who were making Islamophobic posts - sort of like complaining about meat-eating while at Barbeque Nation - were fired. Oh, and some Arab leaders are pissed at some tweets by BJP’s Tejasvi Surya who has been taking the census on orgasms, apparently. Or faking it. It’s hard to tell, really.
Trees for Deforestation: If you still want to try and make sense of the US - Trump’s rating among nonwhites is increasing. Thankfully Biden’s still showing a lead…
Adolf Dazzler: Did you know that Puma was founded by the brother of Adolf Dassler (of Adidas fame)? This week, Puma’s new sneakers went viral for looking like Adolf... Hitler… No, we’re not kidding.
Zoom’s the new Snapchat: Facebook’s bringing out a whole suite of video products.
Housekeeping announcement
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Out of the fire and into the frying pandemic
The bad stuff
Stain at home: The poor get hungrier. India’s cases are spiking, and Mumbai is on the verge, even as testing in the country is way more expensive than its neighbours (it’s free in Bangladesh). Some states are opening up, some are likely to extend the lockdown. And these shoddy kits from China are doing nothing to improve its image. The Cabinet said that attacking healthcare workers will be made a punishable, non-bailable offence. We can’t believe that there needs to be a fucking law for this. Meanwhile, “You do duty, give us glory” - centre to states. Basically.
Just as is served
Just as China lifts its lockdown, the virus is back.
Just as Singapore looked to have contained it, it’s back in crowded dorms.
Just as Tokyo got complacent… well…
Just as it looked like Afghanistan was going to have peace… Things are in disarray, especially as the virus is spreading in the Prez palace.
Just as we thought Pakistan sensibly locked down during Ramadan, religious nutters came along.
Just as you thought things in Kashmir or treatment to North-Easterners couldn’t get any worse… Come on, this is India.
Just as we thought we had a vaccine, it didn’t work.
Just as we thought Sweden was badass by not bothering with isolation - oops.
Just as we all forgot about Africa - it could very well be the next pandemic hotspot.
Jair straits: Brazil’s cases are about to explode as healthcare is on the verge of collapse (and the Justice Minister quitting will not help).
Bleach volleyball: Trump has said many stupid things, but “expose yourself to UV light” and “injecct bleach into your body” to kill the Coronavirus are right up there. Nothing more for us to add, really - except we hope his supporters take him up on that. (FOX News, shockingly, won’t be one of them). But anyway, see this horrified White House coronavirus coordinator’s reaction, and the quack who sold him on the bleach idea is being investigated. Oh and some states are opening (following protests), even as almost 10% of the country filed for unemployment. But stocks rose ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . Meanwhile, FB is taking down events calling for anti-social-distancing protests. Oh, USA.That country is so doomed - good thing all immigration is suspended for a while.
The good stuff
Vaccine Eloquent: There are 92 under development. The Serum Institute of India expects one by year-end. Oxford’s one is in human testing phase, the 4th to do so. And innovations like this 5-second-test-software developed by an IIT Prof.
Required run rate: India’s recovery rate has improved and we’re not talking about Kohli batting in the second innings. Speed of infection is slowing, and many districts are showing no new cases. Goa / several NE states are virus-free. The Economic Advisor expects most sectors back in operation by May 3… Though we’re not sure if this should be in the ‘good stuff’ or ‘erm…’ section.
Would you like some fries with that?: Shake Shack, a $2b burger company, is giving back a stimulus amount it received from the program meant for small businesses.
Prime numbers: Amazon management might not care for its blue-collar workers, but its white-collar ones do.
Bhej-ing: Well… When our economy benefits, at least we’ll have a lot of companies who don’t want to be with China anymore.
The :’) stuff
A League of His Own: Tom Hanks cheered up a boy called Corona by typing him a letter. On an old Corona typewriter. And then he offered his blood for vaccine development.
Ration-ally: How Manipur distributes free rations.
Food for plot: 2 brothers in Karnataka sell land worth 25 lakhs to feed the poor.
LinkedOut: Lots of damn good reads. All coronavirus-related of course.
Someone “photographed” the world through freely open webcams.
So much for American exceptionalism.
An excellent analysis of potential UBI in India, where the money could come from and all that.
Densely populated South Asia has low coronavirus numbers. A good look at (possibly) why.
TCS’ COO hinted at massive WFH shifts. That’ll have quite the impact on the IT ecosystem.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Instagram (Chuck | Tony) and Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may you solve a surprisingly high number of new puzzles shared in your WhatsApp groups. Bye!