The Third Slip: Issue 160 : Jim, Carry The Mask
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that is to the mockery-that-we-call-mainstream-news what a mask is to the times we live in. At first it didn’t seem important or necessary, but as the virus spreads through all channels, embracing it has become the only option left. And, much like the humble mask this diss-missive is homemade too and filters out the harmful viruses from being inhaled by you.
This is issue 160. 160, of course, is the character limit of an SMS. Remember those days when we still used to send SMSes? When the only Snake around was on our phone, when news was not this polarised, and most importantly, when live sports was still a thing and we could step the fuck out of our base whenever we wanted like Sachin Tendulkar in his prime. Like when he scored 160 against New Zealand in Hamilton and won us an away series. Ah the good times, unlike the news today...
Kokorokokorokovid
Global deaths cross 100,000. More countries are declaring lockdowns and emergencies. 1 in 10 Americans have lost jobs. Trade could shrink by a third. This could be the biggest depression since the Great one. Lockdowns can’t end till a vaccine is found. Community transmission has begun in India. But people are recovering. Rapid testing is happening. Ordinary people are stepping up. Curves, if not bellies, are flattening. Being complacent might mean a deadly resurgence. A normal week in our new normal, basically.
The bad stuff
Hateway of India: A worldwide pandemic should have given all human beings a common cause to unite against. But nuh-uh, not in India where the IPL has been replaced with Summer Slam’ophobia. How bad is it? Well, the UP Police(!!!) is fact-checking ANI for spreading fake news and BJP leader Yeddyurappa is asking people not to spread hate against Muslims. If you’ve escaped all this, @arkhmet has compiled a looooong list of fake news that has been fact-checked in this regard. Not that it matters, of course. Because, by now everyone and their uncle has been subjected to a flood of Islamophobia (including a crossword!) and quite naturally, there’s now an on-ground ostracisation of Muslims. But nevertheless, keep that list handy so you can at least save your close friends and family from furthering this ugly disease that has gripped our people.
BTW the other things continue: threats to journalists (The Wire’s founding editor this week), pseudoscience, entitlement, an excuse to undermine states, and of course, shadily saying only contributions to PM CARES (not the Relief Fund) counts as CSR. Basically - a normal week, but without cricket and crowded trains. But also, Anand Ramachandran is back!!!
Go into a HDIL: Meanwhile, in this week’s episode of Keeping up with the Wadhawans - they got an emergency pass so 23 family members could go and chill at Mahabaleshwar. Or escape from arrest for their role in the YES Bank fraud. Whatever.
Health-Cliff: The worst thing about the pandemic is that so many doctors are dying, including a 100 in Italy alone, and so many are still putting their lives on the line with scant support from governments. Worse still is that some are being ostracized and even attacked while being at the edge of a metaphorical cliff. Imagine if soldiers had to face abuse from their neighbours after fighting the war. True heroes, each one of them. Thank you.
Redux shun: Don’t look now, but some of those ‘model Asian countries’ are seeing a spike thanks to travel. Fair to say, it’s untravelling quite quickly.
Burn in the USA: What a clusterfuck. Now the center of the pandemic, it’s seeing states fighting over each other for equipment even as Trump ousts the chap overseeing the bailout rollout, considers reopening the country (bcoz stock market), and continues to undermine experts. Oh, and they… Need COBOL coders to get the bailout money to people. Most powerful country, folks!
‘M Seek You: Trump threatens India for a drug called MCQ. India relents. The drug’s efficacy against Covid19 is dicey. But it’s not dicey against several other diseases for which it’s needed at home, and now there’s a shortage. Looks like along with that 56” chest, that arm is getting some twisting exercises.
Here’s an MCQ MCQ:
Q: This whole thing would not have come about if:
We had a different leader
They had a different leader
COVID-19 had never come about
All of the above
And don’t think extreme groups (far-right or Islamic terror) are beyond capitalizing on the pandemic.
Ebolaration: Ah fuck.Three days before we were set to declare Ebola was dead… Well.
The good stuff
Ahead of the curve: Spain and Italy are flattening the curve. China’s got things kinda under control (unless those nice fellows in government are lying) Importantly, Wuhan is now ‘open’ again, and citizens paid tribute to that whistleblower doctor. NZ has absolutely pwned the virus. Austria is getting back to normal. South Korea continues to win.
Credit where it’s due: We mostly take a crap on our government, but we’ll admit they’re doing some good stuff: They released a ₹15000 package (half for immediate response, half for medium-term support), and the IT department said it’d release refunds immediately. So… Credit… Where… It’s… Ok.
Things are not always what they CM: Among all the things that we never imagined we’d write in this newsletter, these two will easily make the top 3. Uddhav Thackeray’s doing a damn good job in Maharashtra (authors heave a sigh of relief for place of residence) and Pinarayi Vijayan in Kerala (authors heave another one for place of residence of family). Gujarat, meanwhile...
280 characters, but he’s the best one: Twitter founder Jack Dorsey donates ⅓ of his fortune to fight coronavirus. Now that is something.
Tech Support: Whatsapp limits forwarding and Apple-Google are collaborating to use Bluetooth to track the virus. At this point, Silicon Valley is doing everything it can (even if, cynically thinking, it’s to abate the techlash).
Not the Union: The pandemic is making employees unionize. In case you’re wondering why this is under ‘good stuff’, you must not be familiar with our general outlook :)
Hand in glove: It took a Supreme Court to ensure PPE for those doctors putting their lives on the line to save the rest of us. But at least it happened.
WHO-CARES: NGOs are feeding more people than the government. AIIMS doctors reject the mandatory donation nonsense. SC has asked to make testing free in private labs. Not sure if this is completely a good thing though.And of course, air. AQI in Delhi was 7. Seven.
The virus has a strange sense of justice
Get Riyadh of it: Coronavirus infects Saudi Royal Family. Because of which there’s a ceasefire in Yemen (called the worst humanitarian crisis in the world ever by the UN). The virus has a sense of justice alright, even if its methods are… Controversial.
Well, Salvador: The world’s most dangerous cities have gotten strangely safer after the virus.
Unpresidented: Boris Johnson’s ICU-ing has ‘united’ Britain, Trump’s incompetent handling has reduced his chances of re-election, and there’s pressure to reduce sanctions on the virus-ravaged Iran.
Housekeeping announcement: In case you are reading this on GMail, and the newsletter gets clipped, make sure to click on "View entire message" at the bottom of the screen.
The fun stuff
Who Trump blamed this week?: Trump blamed WHO this week. Hehe.
God Almighty (under standard test conditions): Religions around the world have to reluctantly not hold ceremonies. Aw, what happened, that invisible man in the sky is also socially isolating?
Network issues: The British are burning down 5G towers to stave off Covid19. It’s the white person equivalent of drinking gaumutra.
Put ‘er there. Maybe not. No more handshakes? A moment of silence for 30% of all those stock image sites.
Mysore pack: Mysore’s had enough and is going back to the barter system.
The :’) stuff
Stand up co-medic: Doctors being given standing ovations. Yes, please.
What a comeback: This story of an 87-year-old in China recovering.
The dog is going to the world: The US is seeing a pet adoption boom and shelters are empty.
The silver linings
What’s left to look forward to: Gen Z (in the US, anyway) is fed up with the virus’ effects enough to turn liberal. Yay!
Raise the bar: India’s judicial system might be forced to reform thanks to the virus, which will ensure better justice delivery later.
Everything else.
BernOut: Bernie ends his run. But his ideas have already permeated (and arguably, with the coronavirus, are more relevant than before). Oh well, might as well get behind Biden now (even Mike Bloomberg and his millions are) Biden’s promised his VP pick will be a woman, and here are some likely names.
Breaking the glass ceiling: The inventor of the Li-Ion battery has patented a new battery (made of glass!) that could really boost electric vehicles (and storage, and hence renewable energy, and hence save the world). Definitely worth liionising.
LinkedOut: Lots of damn good reads. All coronavirus-related of course.
How to build a hospital in 9 days.
The US’ fight against the virus is largely being led by States, not the center. True of India too.
Indian women were always prepared for quarantine cooking.
It’s ok to not be productive during a pandemic.
Heyyyy remember that time fake news was used to target Hindus for spreading diseases?
Coronavirus could fix work.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Instagram (Chuck | Tony) and Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may your sudden urge to shave off your head pass before you find the trimmer. Bye!