The Third Slip: Issue 159 - Light up, it’s 4/20
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that’s like a candle lit at 9PM. It does nothing to address the real issues on the ground, but keeps you occupied for about 9 minutes. It sheds very little light but is a great tool for extending solidarity and virtue-signalling. And much like the candle, TTS has a wick-ed sense of humour. So come, share a lighter moment with us. We would make a great match. We’ll be sure to wax eloquent about you afterwards.
This is issue 159. 159, coincidentally, is the total number of ways in which you can entertain your child during a lockdown before completely giving up. This phase also comes with the added bonus of not being able to tell apart fiction from reality and seriously considering your own made-up story as a suggestion and keeping a pet ant called Antony in your beard. At this point, you can be brought back to the real world with an unhealthy slap from the news…
Why, oh virus?
So, how’re we doing? Well - not too well. Global cases crossed a million as India breaches 100 deaths. The UN isn’t mincing words, saying this is the worst crisis since WW2 (yes, more than Americans running out of kale). Doctors are dying. A turnaround without a vaccine is unlikely, no matter how much we isolate, test or light candles. Things are so bad even Trump is beginning to acknowledge it.
In India, it’ll take two weeks to gauge if the lockdown is working before we get into a staggered lockdown exit, while rising cases in slums are a worry, as is the exodus to villages. Here’s a tracker for all our states. BTW good luck agriculture.
You can’t spell ‘pandemic’ without ‘Islamophobia’
It didn’t take too long for things to turn communal. A complete gift was given to the BJP IT Cell as a large Muslim religious gathering was held in Delhi in early March, many of whose attendees now have the virus and are scattered across India. Perfect fodder for India’s shameful news media and nasty Whatsapp messages! So - who’s to blame? Mostly the government itself (who, at the time of the gathering, hadn’t declared the virus an issue so the gathering was technically legal) and partially the organizers (who should have known better given the global havoc). We would say the thing to blame should be organised religion itself (in whose names other gatherings have happened around the country). Anything to distract from all the questions asked of PM-CARES, eh?
BTW, kudos to the Maharashtra Police for denying permission early to a similar gathering near Mumbai.
Speaking power to truth
In a bid to do the metaphorical ‘plunging into darkness’, Sir has asked everyone to turn off lights at 9 PM on 5 April. “Jeez, thanks”, says the electricity boards, whose employees now need to be on standby. Definitely looks like he’s focused on symbolism (after, cymbal-ism last time). BTW, India’s taken a $1bn loan from the world bank to tackle the crisis - while there’s still lots allocated to statues (including 450 cr for a Ram one in UP) and North Block redesign thingy. But who cares.
Quickly, let’s try to summarize everything that’s happened...
The bad stuff
Wishywashington: Trumptards are smearing Antony Fauci enough for him to need security. Rest assured, USA, Jared Kushner now has a “central role” in tackling the pandemic.
Badapest: Hungary has used the coronavirus as an excuse to move towards authoritarianism - something that will be watched keenly by the many other dictators-in-waiting.
Wuhan let the bats out! China’s getting back to work has not been as smooth as its PR machinery would like the world to believe. Lessons to learn here.
If at first you don’t succeed, Tri Tri Trivandrum again: Kerala got hardly anything from the disaster relief fund. Surprise! Harks back to the shabby help from the center after the floods also.
Disaster waiting to haPPEn: Inadequate protection for medical staff, Air India staff or sanitation workers.
The good stuff
That’s our secret, cap’n - we were always sick: Because India (and other developing nations) had all those vaccinations for ‘poor nation diseases’, we’re a little more immune? And army scientists have said the number of cases could dive.
Jugaads double, digest: Good news in India is there if you look for it. Trains being used as isolation wards. A 93-year old man in Kerala recovers. Mylab (who developed India’s first test) is set to ramp up. RBI doing its best. Sex workers creating awareness. A Bangalore company developed India’s first at-home testing kit, and a Mumbai startup is combining AI and Xrays.
AQIesce: 90 Indian cities have seen improvement in air quality. Virus > Greta
Thackeray of hope: In “really this is not an April Fool’s prank news”, Maharashtra thankfully has a sane head running it. Uddhav requests people not to communalise the pandemic, and his calm handling + government response has been commendable. So, er, yay Shiv Sena!
PPP for PPE: Companies around the world continue to step up - tech, automobile, pharma, many more. Even F1 is using its resources to make a breathing machine.
The fun stuff
The fauna stuff: With humans indoors, there are animals everywhere.
Zoom boom: Normally, tech goofups wouldn’t make this section, but these are different times, when random people hacking serious Zoom meetings is more comic relief than outrage-worthy. Anyway, the company’s working on it.
Cocktail and bull: Sure, we’re drinking gaumutra, but Belarus’ PM prefers a traditional vodka drink.
Don’t walk down that homeopath: The AYUSH ministry said Ayurveda cured Prince Charles of Coronavirus. UK officials were polite in saying “fuck off you psuedoscientific twats”. Why an AYUSH ministry exists in the first place is not a question we can ask in 2020, unfortunately.
From the bottom of our arts: The French National Orchestra did… This. And the Getty Museum did this.
The :’) stuff
Aww the humanity: Surely, you’ve seen lots of nice stuff, too. Britain clapped for the NHS. (It’s one thing if it’s a social media hashtag that takes off, another thing when mandated by a PM who should be doing other things). Delhi rickshaw pullers taking people for free, and owners not asking them for rent. Australia’s awesome Sikh community winning praises. Coimbatore self-service bakery built on trust. Pakistan’s ATC saying they’re proud of India. Even the RSS is organizing food. Several charities and organizations have cropped up (support them). Humanity is stepping up. Oh - and this New York rooftop remote romance story.
The silver linings
Standing in-ovation: Telemedicine is getting a boost. As is mathematical disease modeling. Gay people in the US can now donate blood quicker (wait, what, was that a… Never mind). And of course there are fast-tracked innovations like this unique testing booth. Silicon Valley is finally using brains and resources for doing things that matter than effing dog filters. Many businesses are finally going online, including newspapers. That being said, if there’s an internet outage, TTS promises we’ll do a print edition for all subscribers. <3
Everything else - like that matters anymore
Status of Banks of India: Many many PSU banks merged.
Censory perception: Our nice look at how Indian media is stifled (TTS has till now not gotten cease-and-desist orders)
Sea++: The ocean can be restored to former glory in 30 years. So all we need to do is extend… No? Okay.
Who let the watchdogs out?: Proving a pandemic is no roadblock for pettiness, Trump fired the inspector general for the intelligence community, the watchdog that handled the whistleblower complaint that eventually led to his impeachment (remember that?)
Kim oh no: North Korea ain’t interested in all that “peace” stuff with the US no mo.
It Goghs without saying: A Van Gogh painting got stolen from a closed Dutch museum. On his birthday.
LinkedOut: Lots of damn good reads. All coronavirus-related of course.
Stunning read: The cozy pandemic we’ve all wanted.
Some more on China’s Covid diplomacy.
Arundati Roy sums India’s scene up quite nicely.
So - is all this coronavirus good or bad for the environment? Well...
The return of the expert.
“Nationalise Amazon” is something we’ve been seeing a lot recently…
Immigrants are being vilified, and Andrew Yang thinks they could be part of the solution.
Bill Gates believes we can still make up for lost time.
The stark realities of migration come all too clear.
Craving nature? Look outdoors.
Super analysis by Shekhar Gupta - why Modi doesn’t care less if you’re making fun of him, he’s winning.
Too much worry? Here - cautious optimism for India.
And finally - An incredible compilation of ‘post-covid’ scenarios by 34 thinkers.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Instagram (Chuck | Tony) and Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may your provision dabba magically reveal a full stash of your favourite snack. Bye!