The Third Slip: Issue 157 - The Big Bang Theory
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that’s like the several unread books sitting in your bookshelf. You bought into it long ago on a whim, never got around to reading it, but now that there is nothing else to do, you actually read it and hunt down that friend who recommended it to you.
This is issue 157, for the week beginning 22nd of March, or if you’ve been an ardent stalker (yes, we know who you are), the week of our 3rd birthday. Yay! Long term readers will know that our solution to most world problems used to reside in a full-on trust in sports… which has been cancelled… so to be honest, we’re looking for a new reason now. Currently, it’s “being a sport” and staying at home. Because, after evaluating various ways to contain and stop Covid-19, it turns out the only effective way is to lock down everything, wait for a while, and then start all over again. Basically, this is the biggest "have you tried turning it off and turning it on again" in the world. Oh, the news...
The Y“R”Us Virus
Put your hands together… and wash them with soap: At home, Modi urged everyone to not go to mass gatherings, read TTS to pass the time, and stay indoors, bang pots in a… um... Pan-India move. Guess we are throwing the kitchen sink at the virus. To be fair, we stepped outside our cynical skins for once and were happy that the seriousness of Covid-19 was passed on to an entire nation without causing any further damage. But then, Indian uncles such as Rajinikanth and Mohan Lal among other stalwarts spread fake news forward suggesting that bacteria and viruses would die because of the loud clapping and banging, and that 14 hour curfew will break the chain of virus transmission. Facepalm. Life at 5PM on Sunday, it seems, “is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” Pretty sure this is not The Big Bang that led to intelligent life on earth.
Update: All over India. Facepalm.
Stop it in its tracks: While some calm did prevail, it didn’t stop thousands of people thronging to trains to head home, leading to suspension of trains nationally till 31st March.
The bad stuff
The long rope: Good news, we’ve got the long rope. Bad news, it’ll be the one that’s used to hang us. It’s bad. Very bad.
I can’t tally: Italy passes China in number of deaths and has become the pandemic’s new epicenter. 300k people are now infected.
Delhi belly: India’s number of cases have shot up and will continue to rise, it’s best not to look at your stock portfolio, an idiot Bollywood singer went and infected a bunch of people, healthcare workers don’t have enough protection,
US v/s them: The US economy has been devastated, its idiot citizens are putting their idiocy and selfishness on display. None more so than Trump, who ignored his own intelligence’s warnings of a pandemic and insists on calling it the “Chinese Virus”. UGH. His cronies sold stock to profit instead of rushing to action.
The good stuff
Seoul-searching: India’s handling things decently (maybe? Kerala <3), while Singapore, South Korea & Taiwan have become models of how to fight the virus.
Beijing interior: China has seen its new cases drop to zero and is now trying to help other countries out. (this could just be propaganda, though)
Keeping us company: Companies are stepping up. Brewdog, Goa Brewing Co & LVMH are making hand sanitizer. Tesla’s making masks & ventilators. Foxconn, GM, Honeywell, 3M, GE are making hospital supplies. So are Dyson, Zara & Nivea. Meanwhile, Edutech firms are already making more content free and lots of museums, orchestras etc now have a lot of free content. Big Tech is stepping up. Tiktok’s donating money. FB’s giving ad credits.
Not just kidding: Norway held a press conference for children behaving like adults, Trump press conferences, of course, are where a president behaves like a child.
Bummed out: Less Americans trust Trump, and even FOX News is taking the pandemic seriously. Why, that country is even taking bidets seriously now!
Testing times: A Senegalese lab says it’s 3 months away from developing a 10-minute, $1 test for the virus.
The fun stuff
Mental simulation: EPL clubs entertain themselves by playing out games on Football Manager, opinion polls, Tic Tac Toe and more...
Couch potato: Countries can’t shut down essentials. For Belgium and France, that means fries and wine. Oh, Europe! (Of course, UK has ordered pubs to be closed, but that’s not Europe anymore is it?)
Smile and wave, boys: Penguins are now roaming an aquarium. Tres adorable.
Urine trouble: BJP volunteer falls ill after drinking cowpiss.
Ek pal ka jeena, phir toh hai jaana: Eros Entertainment has registered the ‘Corona Pyaar Hai’ title. Okay.
Take that you filthy hoard: A Danish supermarket is not allowing sanitizer hoarding by making the second bottle very expensive. Best!
Gently down the stream: And video games / HD videos are cramming the ‘net in Europe.
Hack thoo!: Ransomware gangs have promised not to hack hospitals. Aw :’)
At Home
Kamal hasn’t: Kamal Nath resigns as MP CM. Whatevs man, fuck right off.
Judge, jury, and legislator: Ranjan Gogoi proves that giving government-friendly verdicts will land you a nice post-retirement gig in the Rajya Sabha. A giant middle finger to you too.
No way!: YES Bank is apparently back in business. Oh, bugger off, you corrupt twats.
Prime Monster: Suddenly NRC is a priority for Modi. And a petrol bomb was thrown at Shaheen Bagh. Oh, just… Ok, never mind.
International
Sab change si: A cheerful reminder that despite Venice’s apparent ‘clear lakes’ and Mumbai’s blue skies, climate change is still a problem: Greenland’s Largest island loses 600b tons of ice.
Fire in the hole: North Korea decides now’s a good time to test missiles. Their news cycle runs on Internet Explorer anyway.
Prezing issues: It increasingly looks like it’s Biden v Trump in November, if the US lasts that long. Billionaire ex-candidate Mike Bloomberg transfers millions to the Democrats to help the fight.
Tech
Hauling over the coals: Banks lamenting climate change are still pumping trillions into fossil fuels.
iFine: Apple got a massive fine for anti-competitive behaviour, an amount they will recover by the time they read the email.
Trust you’re doing fine: All those anti-trust rulings are kinda on the backburner at the moment.
Shut down: Bill Gates is stepping down from MS’ board.
LinkedOut
Oh well, like the Trump presidency, COVID19 is a disaster that at least has the sense to give us some great writing.
If you haven’t read the most, er, viral post of the week. Terrifying and beautiful (like, yknow, progressive death metal)
A beautiful simulation of how the virus spreads, by WaPo.YES!
Post about your boring life on Instagram. Now is the time. Screw exotic vacations.
So much is being put in perspective. Like how much of American life is bullshit.
The coronavirus shows why - sorry, libertarians - government is important, and maybe it’s time to do capitalism differently (yes!).
A GP in the UK on watching the pandemic unfold.
The author of Sapiens on life after Coronavirus.
The co-author of TTS on live entertainment after Coronavirus. #plug
Finally, a very nice, comprehensive look at why things are not going back to normal.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Instagram (Chuck | Tony) and Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may you find joy in being absolutely non-productive . Bye!