The Third Slip: Issue 156 - Social distancing, socialist dancing
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip. This is issue 156, for the week beginning 15th March, 2020. And strangely enough, 156 weeks does not mean it’s our third birthday yet. Why you ask? Because, the calendar is infinite, irrational, and not under any obligation to make sense to you. Just like Pi. Yesterday, 14/03, of course, was Pi Day. And our beloved reader, Kochi Busker Kerala, introduced us to Pilish.
So, welcome to...
this newsletter that’s much like Pilish - so much effort for such little payoff, targeted at a very niche audience. But hey, we love you. That’s why we’ve been here 3 years 156 weeks. Actually, that’s because we love ourselves. Irrelevant. But it’s definitely not because we love the news...
Virus Y“R”Us
Covid-19, has its origins in the practice of co-watching videos with your family for 19 days while you socially distance yourself from the rest of the world to try and flatten the curve of a pandemic. But seriously, you shouldn’t need to rely on our ragtag weekly of bad jokes to stay abreast of humanity’s greatest crisis in decades. The virus, continues to upend a world making us pine for the good ol’ days of climate change, trade wars and xenophobic leaders. Economies continue to crash (don’t look at your stock portfolio), Brexit faces even more uncertainty, events are being cancelled / postponed (IPL, Coachella, SXSW, music festivals, St Patrick’s Day Parades) or might be (Olympics). World leaders with brains gave sober warnings to their countries. A coronavirus conference got cancelled because of, well, coronavirus. Even ISIS and RSS are cancelling events.
We on TTS often amplify our government’s missteps and idiocy, but we’ll give credit where it’s due - it's doing a reasonable job at the moment. Screening has been set up in major cities & airports, schools are being shut, there are directives for stepping up sanitation in public transport, travel advisories (we’re essentially quarantining the whole country), the MEA slowly evacuating Indians stuck in Iran. But, in a country of 1.3 billion people, it’s not nearly enough. Especially when you consider that of the 7,000 cases that have been tested 25% comes from the tiny state of Kerala. It’s likely that the number of cases is grossly under-reported and it’ll worsen in the coming months, but at least we can take some solace that our administration is giving it the importance it needs and not listening to cow-urine peddlers. And of course, Kerala <3
The virus’ epicenter, Hubei Province, saw its cases drop to single digits for the first time even as China struggles to get back to work, while doing “we saved the world ok” propaganda. In the US, Trump declares an emergency, but defies medical advice himself, and is more concerned that a cruise ship doesn’t land and “throw his perfect numbers off”, and it remains difficult to even get tested. One half of the country is overreacting, the other half is shocked to hear that Korea tests as many people per day (10000) as the US has in total. All said and done, the pandemic is making expertise great again, as Canada’s scientists have shown, managing to isolate the damn critter.
Essentially, this virus has shown us how flawed the entirety of the capitalist construct is, and how much better off we are with basic empathy, education, and healthcare for all.
Finally, the one article you should read on Coronavirus. TLDR: Keep away from people. That’s basically worked for China, Taiwan and Korea. Introverts, this is your moment. Oh, and if you ARE the virus, then please contact Egyptian news, they want to interview you. Right now, they are using poor substitutes.
And anyway…
At Home
Shahdenfreude: More evidence arises that Delhi Police was in cahoots with the BJP for the Delhi pogrom, something the Hon. Home Minister has called a conspiracy and continues saying Muslims have nothing to fear, in much the same way an abattoir has “You’re a valuable employee!” posters for its cows. And if you want to see something heartwarming, it’s how ordinary folks have helped rebuild Delhi while AAP is invisible.
Poster script: UP put up posters / banners with the private details of ‘anti-nationals’, remember? Allahabad HC tore them to shreds, but they went to the SC which buckled at the last minute, not ordering their removal. But made a lot of other right noises.
Kamal, not Kamal Nath: Jyo Scindia has spent most of his political career bashing the BJP, who in turn have always abhorred dynastic politicians. So naturally, nobody should be surprised that he jumped ship from the Congress to join the Saffrons, plunging MP into crisis. Terrific strategy by the BJP, we must say - if you can’t win elections, the last resort for a stable government is horse trade.
De-tension: Farooq Abdullah has been released from detention right in time for quarantine and also to claim that upcoming elections in Kashmir were “free and fair”. Well, it’s definitely better than keeping someone in against their will. Small mercies. Students in Kashmir continue to struggle. But everything is okay, of course.
Aye jee, oh jee, logic suno jee: BTW, it’s been 3 months since the CAA actually was passed - but its non implementation points to several logical and logistical flaws. Not to forget how it’s morally unconscionable. But we lost our moral compass and conscience a while back, so what’s there. 1 2 ka 4, 4 2 ka 1, my name is Lakhan, my name is Lakhan.
International
All’s not well that ends in the oil well: Another reason markets tanked is because Saudi Arabia is being a big baby and slashed oil prices just to get even with Russia. It’s not all hunky dory in the dictatorland WhatsApp group. Meanwhile, India slyly raises prices while everyone’s distracted with Coronavirus.
Biden his time: It’s quite likely that it’ll be former Obama VP Joe Biden taking Trump on in the 2020 Elections. The only Sanders they like, unfortunately, is the Colonel who fried chicken. Meanwhile, <3 to Elizabeth Warren for a fabulous campaign and appearing on SNL after dropping out.
Unpresidented proposal: “Arey of course if you want me to be Prez for life, I will humbly accept. Till death do us aparty. I will now untie you” - Putin
Stein on society: Prize lund Harvey Weinstein has been sentenced to 23 years in prison.
Surveyal of the shittest: Germany’s intelligence agency is taking no chances and placing members of a far-right party under surveillance.
Burger off: McDonald’s is helping everyone by making a 4-patty burger so you can die faster.
Die no saar: The world’s smallest dinosaur has been found. Of course it was in amber. Shockingly, this article has no mention of Jurassic Park.
Tech
Technology? Tech-yes-lo-jee.: The biggest global tech news is also - surprise! - COVID19 related. We need to give a pat on the back (virtual, of course, no touching) to tech companies who we usually lampoon here. Major companies are asking people to work from home and paying “non working” staff as well. Amazon is delivering free test kits. MS & Google are giving free tools to companies and schools. ACT Internet in Kerala is giving people a free broadband boost. It looks like we needed the crisis for the good in humanity to step up.
Mera chain vain sab ujda: Isn’t it interesting how ‘China’ and ‘Chain’ are anagrams? Global supply chains are being affected and it’s looking dark. Kajra re kajra re tere kare kare China.
Mission Impossible: Modernizing meat production will help solve problems like Coronavirus. And y’know, some ethical dilemmas. At least in the promised land of liberal elites. But hey, you gotta start somewhere.
House-Money effect: Airbnb’s feeling the heat of trying to balance customers who want refunds and homeowners who depend on the income.
Putting the end,crypt in encryption: Meanwhile, a major bill passing through the US Senate could end encryption. Sigh.
Yeah, who?: We now have a Yahoo! Mobile phone service. It comes with free Yahoo! Mail Pro. Er. Yay.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Instagram (Chuck | Tony) and Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may you accidentally be in close quarters with someone you love deeply, but forgotten how much. And may it be weirdly wonderfully comfortable fun. Bye!