The Third Slip: Issue 154 - We didn’t start the FIR
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip, the weekly newsletter that’s like pineapple on pizza - it combines two ingredients that are not supposed to go with each other, very few people like it and swear by it, and it’s most likely consumed when you have no other alternatives. Since the entire buffet of news media in your country was flushed down the toilet, here’s one large pizza with dark news and puns coming right up.
This is issue 154, for the week beginning 1st March. Or, as the calendar will tell you - it’s one day after leap day. The day on which an entire planet jumps up and does something extra fun believing it is Ravindra Jadeja, only to realise that gravity is very real and you are right back where you started off. We hope you had a good leap day, because what will bring you crashing down is the news...
At Home
Of hatred and red hat: What was expected to be a week with the meeting of two gaslighters turned out to be much worse. We witnessed a clash a riot a state-sponsored pogrom in Delhi. The terminology is important here, and while there obviously was violence on both sides, there was asymmetric violence and targeted annihilation with no action (except to support the violence) from the police. Anyone calling it a clash or a riot is implying that our Prime Minister and Home Minister are incompetent idiots. We don't know about you, but we are not calling Modi and Shah incompetent idiots. When people in power think “match the following” is an instruction to your lackeys to burn everything in sight, what else do you expect?
Oh, and Donald Trump was here. Lots of show, no substance. The only thing they traded was a suite of “terrible mispronunciations”. But hey Melania went to a ‘Happiness Class’. But, all of this is too depressing to talk about. Why not sing along with Billy Joel instead. You know how it goes...
They Started The Fire...
Mosques burned, peace spurned, The High Court got its judges churned.
Shouting slogan, wielding gun, BJP is having fun.
They killed Muslims, burned their shops too.
Goons will come for you - memories of 2002!
They started the fire, it was starting with Kapil Mishra’s chanting
They started the fire, the media took a dump covering Donald Trump
No FIRs for BJP, but several for them lefties.
Invoke Siachen, burn the house of a Jawan
The permission is Modi’s, Muslims are the bodies!
Democracy falls, police held by their balls!
BJP’s the fire, they’re going crazy implementing NRC.
Goons are having much fun. Turns out Gujarat was just a dry run.
Roger Waters. Bernie Sanders. John William Oliver.
NYT. WaPo. Economist. Many more.
UNHRC, denouncing NRC.
Hey BJP, why outrage? You’ve got your global coverage!
They amplified the fire. Their newsreels were turning while Delhi was burning.
Equal opportunity offenders. They would loudly yell at the Congress as well.
Sikh give Muslims shelter, as Delhi goes helter-skelter
The good Indians forming chains, reasoning with those sans brains
Protests are drawing lakhs, and there is still Shaheen Bagh!
Most Indians want inclusion, FTW the Constitution!
We still have our fire, it is always burning amidst sloganeering
We have Scroll & Wire, if you find that true you have TTS too!
(bows)
AAPologist for fascism: The shortest lived fairy tale must have been AAP getting re-elected in Delhi. Not only did they not speak out against CAA+NRC after winning as many expected, they doubled down with soft Hindutva and have now allowed for the sedition case against Kanhaiya Kumar to be pursued. This is like eating the full biriyani and then biting into an elaichi at the very end.
Invalleydated: This is your weekly reminder that Kashmir still has no internet. Or medicines. Or freedom. And of course the businesses there are fuckedest. Hold on tight, if we are lucky enough they’ll replicate this success across the nation soon enough.
Speaking power to truth: An electrician was fined for not wearing helmet, what he did next will shock you.He cut UP Police station’s power supply after finding out they didn’t pay their bills.
Antinationals this week
BJP themselves! Several of them joined the Bihar government to say no to NRC. Another member in Bengal quit, she doesn’t want to be in the same party as Anurag Thakur & Kapil Mishra. Another one saved a Muslim family in Delhi.
McGill University, USA: For conferring an award on that ruddy anti-national reporter Rana Ayyub - the one who sneakily reported on Gujarat and all. Shame!
Researchers: Who showed Aadhaar really didn’t help in welfare delivery. But it’s still important because Siachen mein jawan…
Kerala: Who has asked its census employees not to attend NPR workshops. This is apt because most engineering students were adept at skipping classes. The state also built many houses instead of burning them. Fancy that!
International
Keep the singing going...
We’re Just Continuing The Fire
It’s spread to Italy, the US takes it seriously.
Economy’s come apart, medics try to do their part.
Japan’s closing schools, China’s Party looks like fools.
Saudi halts pilgrimage! COVID-19’s all the rage!
We continued the fire, it was always spreading from the Wuhan province
But hey it ain’t all dire, Noone’s traveling so China ain’t emitting.
Syria, Libya, Burkina Faso
Tension in Thailand, pseudo-peace Afghanistan.
Chile’s protesting, Germany’s mourning
Venezuela’s in a crisis, “Good time to cry, sis!”
We continued the fire, almost every nation has an altercation
Look who Trump admires - A shady villain like that Vladimir Putin
America is killing, immigrants are crying.
Brexit, fucked it, Boris’ hitting headdesk
Antarctica's melting, sea levels are rising.
Can that damn coronavirus, come and save all of us?
We want a funeral pyre, every politician seems a liar
Bring back General Dyer, may have been from hell, but no IT Cell.
Hosni’s dead, Egypt bled; Trump screws Palestine instead
India’s birds dying, people crying, corrupt fucktards are flying
Democrats are infighting, democracy’s dying!
Forget all your voting, ‘cause Russia is meddling!
There will be a fire, a revolution or a funeral pyre
There will be a fire, almost makes you wish for General Dyer.
Other things that we couldn’t fit into rhyme
Fighting virus with a mask on news: How misplaced are politicians’ sense of optics if China is stifling Coronavirus news (as was Iran) and Mike Pence (US VP and bro who’s gonna take care of the virus) wants all communications regarding it to be routed through him?!
Scotfree: Scotland set to be the first country to make menstrual products free! This is a great move. Period.
Kuch toh logo kahenge: The universe had its biggest explosion and no, marketers - sorry, it didn’t happen because of your logo change.
Good mooning, dear: Still with space - we might have a new moon! As exciting as when we found out TTS has 2 fans.
Filter in the blanks: A reporter accidentally puts on Filters while doing some serious weather reporting… And… yeah lots of fun ensued.
Tech
Now we’re CO2king with gas: Ride-hailing apps generate 70% more pollution than whatever it is they replaced. And, hey look! New cars produce more Co2 than old cars.
Atoney general: FB ploughs more moolah into fighting misinformation and has hired someone for infusing ethics into product innovation.
Shitterstock: Shutterstock’s CEO told employees (who were in uproar over Chinese censorship) that they were free to seek employment elsewhere.
Dublin down: An Irish drug dealer lost £46mworth of Bitcoin after he printed out the codes on an A4 sheet of paper and stashed it in a fishing rod case, which his landlord threw out, after his arrest. Stick to mutual funds, kids.
No bad apples: Apple apparently won’t let bad guys in movies use iPhones :))
LinkedOut
Protestors in Iraq built themselves a beach where they can relax!
The safest place for women in Afghanistan… Women’s prison.
This heartbreaking roundup of Muslim families in Delhi being torn apart.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Instagram (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may people come up and tell you to your face how wonderful you are (very.). Bye!