The Third Slip: Issue 152 - Ho's d'oeuvre
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that's like the movies in Bong Joon-ho's oeuvre that are not Parasite - it has existed for a long time but has garnered much attention this week, usually requires subtitles to be understood, and is unlikely to live up to the hype when you consume it now. Or in other words, welcome to the massive horde of new subscribers we've got this week! We wish for lots of endowment effect and no buyer's remorse.
This is issue 152 for the week beginning 16th February, 2020. 152, of course, is ek sau bawan in Hindi. So in this issue, aap samajhiye chronology bhi aur ek sau bawanao ko bhi. Yes, yes we don’t know Hindi we just put it in for bad jokes. Just like we cover the news…
At Home
Phew Delhi: AAP won Delhi. Kejriwal and Amit Shah spent Saturday doing different types of swearing in. As always, the BJP relied on creative mathematics to make itself feel better. Even other parties celebrated AAP’s win, but keep in mind, Kejru is far from the liberal ideal. In the meantime, this baby Kejriwal <3
AAP chronology…: Post the drubbing in Delhi, the BJP has calmed down a bit, saying people have a right to protest, the party lost because of its vitriol, and that no decision has been taken on NRC yet. Oho. Amit Shah saying ‘party leaders should not have made provocative statements’ is a bit like TTS authors saying ‘people should not make cringeworthy puns’, no? The Third Person Slip.
Biting the ballot: LOLCongress Headline of the Week - “Congress Leaders Can't Decide Whether to Mourn or Celebrate Delhi Election Results” - The Wire
The court is in your ball
Here’s a thought experiment: Imagine if Rip Van Winkle was Indian and woke up now to hear the Bombay High Court say “peaceful protestors cannot be called traitors or ‘anti-national.’” And then you proceed to explain to him that we live in times where basic elementary truths need to be spelled out by courts and judges only to be ignored by the powers that be in the world’s largest democracy. What intoxicant would he choose so that he can fall asleep for another 70 years?
Meanwhile, an SC judge has said again this week that “dissent is the safety valve of democracy.” And, the SC asked all parties to mention why candidates with criminal backgrounds have been nominated. “Winnability” won’t cut it. Courts have also ruled the imposition of Sec144 in Bangalore was illegal. So cute, no?
State of liberty
While all of this sounds lovely, here’s what real citizens are up against…
This horrific footage of police entering the Jamia library and attacking students who were just sitting quietly and reading. What do you do when the state is full of violent, bare-faced liars?
After unleashing violence which failed to stop protesters, UP is completely jumping the shark - a poet has been asked to pay Rs 1.04 crore for police expenses incurred for providing security to CAA protests.
Dr Kafeel Khan is detained, yet again, under the NSA. Illegally.
41 kids were detained and some tortured. Guess which state.
In Karnataka, cops want people to sign a 10 lakh bond before protesting.
But the protests still continue across the country, such as the new one in Mumbai Bagh. Serious props to these real heroes who fight the good fight while we register our protest against hate and violence by ordering biriyani on a food delivery app with discounts and cashback.
Baadal gaya hai: NRC data goes missing because the govt didn’t pay cloud storage bills?! The government assures the data is safe and will be back up, but hey!
Orange meets Saffron: Yay, after 152 issues, we get to talk about Trump in the ‘at home’ section. So he’s visiting. In Ahmedabad, they’re putting up a wall to hide slums from him (the same state where college girls were asked to strip to see if they were on their periods, yes that happened this week). The US wants to show how important this visit is, so its trade representative has dropped out. Get ready for long-ass handshakes and huge hugs!
Facepalmoil: Malaysia criticizes India. India stops buying Malaysian Palm Oil. Indonesia smells opportunity and sells to India. Malaysia supplies Palm Oil to Indonesia’s former buyers. Everyone’s happy.
Vodafine! It’s nice to have non-political susu (or, er, Zoozoo) for once. Vodafone is on the verge of leaving this country thanks to… It’s complicated. Let’s just say rules. And Jio. And a very angry Supreme Court. Details here. Be prepared for a fight, this should put the pug in pugilistic.
Moneyterrory punishment: The mastermind of the Mumbai 2008 attacks - Hafiz Saeed - has been sentenced to 11 years’ prison time for terror financing which feels a little bit like Lara winning MOTM against Warwickshire in 1994 for his fielding.
Infoscion: The UK’s new finance minister is N. Murthy’s son-in-law.
Shout out to shout outers!
We’re overwhelmed by the sudden influx of subscribers to TTS made possible by a few tweets from our dear friends who read this free, niche newsletter. 2020 seems to be the year of the newsletter and we would love it if you could link back to us on your favourite social channel this week. Do it, to stick it to the capitalists, to let us validate your social clout, and to keep the bad puns going. Oh, or you could support us monetarily on Patreon as well. We’re ideologically flexible like that.
International
Disease the end, hold your breath and count to ten…
Covid-19, aka Coronavirus, has now resulted in 1600+ deaths in China and some massive economic fallout.. This virus is testing China & of course, its authoritarian President who says everything’s fine, even as his country is scared to get back to work. To show he’s doing something, he fired some Party officials.
TTS Business Review: How a Chinese movie company managed to strike a deal with Bytedance to release a movie in less than 24 hours when they couldn’t release it in theaters. Porter’s Five Forces were not harmed in the making of this.
The good news though, is the number of daily fatalities are dropping. In uniquely 21st century solutions, Times Square has a gyaan-dispensing robot and AI is helping to find a cure.
:(
Intel inside, compendium: There’s a global encryption company that governments for decades trusted with their secrets. Turns out it’s owned by US & German intelligence. Kinda undermines the US intelligence accusing Huawei of being able to access data via backend, earlier that day. And there’s your weekly F. Forsyth novel in 15 seconds.
Just a lot of gas: Clearly, flatlining emissions (a good thing) was too much for the world to handle, so the EU has approved 32 polluting projects after all that “ooh climate change” grandstanding.
:)
Kabullish: The US might finally end their Afghanistan war. Kudos to Trump (actually!) if they manage to do so, though violence is unlikely to stop.
Dublin capacity: Brexit and other things are increasing the possibility of an Irish Unification.
:’D
AliEUmony: Post Brexit fights between UK & EU have started.
Raising the Barr: After Trump meddled to let a friend get a lower sentence, his normally subservient Attorney General said that all that tweetin’ ain’t letting him do his job.
Check-in sandwich: Schadenfreude of the week - when Brexiters realise there are consequences.
:|
Democatty: In the US, Democrats are falling over themselves to be the one to beat Trump in the elections. Sanders is surprisingly ahead, Biden surprisingly behind. Nobody likes Bloomberg, but he might just spend his way to the Democratic nomination.
Yes, surveillance: The bad news: China’s also snooping on governments. The goodish news: They do it not to interfere in elections but for “associations”.
:’)
Who ISS a good boy? Christina Koch spent almost a year in space and look how her dog greeted her when she came back home.
Tech
Out of range: Thanks to the Coronavirus, the Mobile World Congress is cancelled. This will have an impact on the 5G rollout and maybe mobile companies realising they don’t need the conference after all. Thought experiment: Would the number of ballpoint pens that have gone missing equal the pile of undistributed ones from a cancelled conference? Write to us. Best answer wins a free ballpoint pen that will get lost while it’s shipped to you.
Subprime: Trump hates Bezos. Trump gave Microsoft a major defence project. Amazon cried enough for the Pentagon to stop work with Microsoft (even wanted to depose Trump!). And there’s your Sidney Sheldon novel plot.
Wishing well: Snapchat now has some “Health and Wellness” options but this is useless info to you since we don’t have any readers below 15 anyway.
Softening the blow: In the US, mobile carriers Sprint & T-Mobile merged. Softbank has a stake in the former and it comes as relief to them at a bad time - apart from OYO & WeWork debacles, Brandless has shut down. Kind of like a flower blooming in your balcony when the house is on fire, but hey!
LinkedOut
The story of Sesame Street - Refugee kids version :’)
How Google Maps changes disputed regions depending on where you search from.
The importance of Parasite winning the Oscars.
Sorry, Casper - selling mattresses doesn’t make you a technology company.
And in case you want to read Zuck’s plans for world domination from the notes from his early tech days.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Instagram (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may your nail cutter clip your nails in such perfect symmetry that you realise why toenail is an anagram of elation. Bye!