The Third Slip: Issue 151 - The Adams’ Family
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that's like the ex South African cricketer Paul Adams'(s?) bowling action. It's unorthodox, seemingly comes out of the left side and in reality there's no spin. It's mostly harmless and it hopes to make you laugh so you take notice of its existence. Oh, and the references in it are bloody dated because it comes out once a week by which time ALL the topical clever quips are done.
This is issue 151, or if your keyboard does not have numbers - this is issue ISI. ISI of course, is the Indian Standards Institute or the Pakistani intelligence agency depending on how you view us. But, in reality, ISI stands for the International Satirists' Implausibility - built on that principle of absolute absurdity which we just created and stand by as our ultimate raison d'etre. Or, as you millennials would call it, the news...
At Home
Phew Delhi
After the BJP’s deeply disturbing campaign (they even demonised biryani! 🙄), it looks like Delhi chooses sanity and development - AAP looks to be coming back to power. Although, AAP is far from perfect, let’s take this brief moment in the sun to get away from ALL THAT HATE SPEECH, and chuckle at this definitely non-liberal but nonetheless appropriate action against fascists who simply spread hate that requires no nuance whatsoever.
It’s CAA not CAB
The MHA can’t decide whether NRC is going to be implemented nationwide, and whether those Assam detention centers are imaginary or only for Muslims. Meanwhile, MP becomes the 5th state to pass a resolution against the act and Shaheen Bagh is joined by farmers who came from Punjab. But in Mumbai, a poet was taken by his Uber driver to the police for discussing CAA things on a call. The driver’s been suspended but we’re pretty sure he’ll have a new… aaand there’s the felicitation. Things are summed up best as students who were part of an anti-CAA play were detained for questioning while BJP’s leaders were openly advocating violence.
Backward march: Your weekly crap capsule: the Army is not very keen on recruiting women, and in J&K they’re checking phones for VPN apps. Siachen mein hamara jawan lad rahe hain, but without boots, sleeping bags or food. If there is a golden goose, the BJP shall go after it. RBI first, LIC now.
Good stuff
Next of skin: Finally, a fine on ads promoting fairness.
Fight mode: People protested IndiGo’s ban on Kunal Kamra on board a flight, fully compliant with all DGCA guidelines.
Where there’s a village there’s a way: A Maharashtra village with no Muslims passed a resolution against CAA-NRC.
:’D some hilarious shit happened last week
All’s well that ends in the well: In sad daru news, it’s going to get more expensive in Goa. Meanwhile, in Kerala, booze found its way into home taps and you should really read this.
Nil Ambani: Mookie’s younger bro apparently has zero net worth, despite all those cars and stuff.
Humko chahiye aaaaaaaahzadi: Indian millennials are okay with opposing political views as long as they get some action. And, of course, women are more woke than men.
Not the Onion: Modi referencing Faking News in a speech. Either he’s really stupid, or massively evil. Tears only.
We couldn’t Keraless: The budget is amazing! No, not that sorry thing N. Sitharaman put together only to backtrack most of the facts, but the Kerala version, which has the painting of Gandhi killed by the RSS on its cover. Oh, those delightful beef-eating lungi-wearing toddy-swigging anti-nationals. As for the actual budget, we’re no experts - so please take the opinion of people much smarter than us.
Appreciating Asset
TBH we’re overwhelmed by your constant support and encouragement. And most of all, we’re overjoyed with your financial felicitations. Just for your FYI, you can contribute through Patreon or send money to thethirdslip@paytm or maybe even through the newly-launched Whatsapp UPI
International
Corona sounds like coroner and that’s not a good thing
Gosh, this is getting serious. 800+ are dead (more than SARS), thousands infected / quarantined (that might not work), China’s image and business affected (even Surat’s diamond trade!) Chinese expats can’t return, masks are running out, there are ghost towns as people shut themselves in their homes, countries reliant on Chinese tourists are reeling, xenophobia finds another reason to take off, and er… Chinese facial recognition is compromised (lulz). Phew. Everyone’s trying to find a cure, though. The sadder thing is how the Chinese government is adopting a Kashmiresque “everything is fine” approach, trying to suppress the news. The personification of this was the sad death of the doctor who actually tried to bring the virus to light, but was told by the government to shut up. While there are no protests, there is some dissent. Xi is not pleased.
Ah, quit it.
So there we have it - the spineless Republicans (except Mitt Romney) were too scared to send Trump packing, despite all the evidence. There endeth the impeachment saga. Speaker Nancy Pelosi did create a made-for-memes moment by ripping up Trump’s State of the Union speech the day before. Meanwhile, Pete Buttigieg and Bernie Sanders came out on top at what is essentially the beginning of the 2020 elections despite some tech snags. Sadly, Trump’s chances of re-election look pretty good, he has his highest approval ratings yet. Oh well, at least we’ll have good late-night comedy.
:(
Idlib ad lib: There’s violence in Syria again. It’s bloody complicated but, as with all proxy wars, has to do with egos of turds like Putin, al-Assad and Erdogan.
Deux faced: Two “super-liberal” “poster boy” world leaders are taking a beating - France’s Macron (worker protests) and Canada’s Trudeau (news of crazy amounts of new oil drilling)
South going south: Antarctica hit its hottest ever temperature earlier this week (18.3°C). This is not the Bangalore weather reference we’d like to make. And permafrost is melting.
Noclear option: Spooked by the Fukushima disaster, Japan is going back to coal.
No headline possible: A Thai soldier killed 26 people in a mall shooting.
:)
Sunny side up: A European solar orbiter begins its journey of understanding the sun.
Trade, Tirade #youprefer: Despite Trump’s hatred for Africa, a US-Kenyatrade deal is in the offing.
:’D
Super Howl: We hardly speak sport here - let alone rugby (we refuse to call the NFL the other word), but we <3 Trump, so let’s celebrate his congratulating the wrong state for winning the annual jamboree.
Globalization, T&C apply: It’s fun to see Boris Johnson “champion” free trade after all that isolationist campaigning for Brexit!
Prime Singles in your area: Hehe, this Amazon Dating parody site.
Huckleberry Singh: Barnes & Noble tried to make its books more diverse and… Well… It failed spectacularly.
Tech
Quiet Mode: Hmm, why are all Tech CEOs silent on Trump’s new travel ban after being so vocal the first time around?
The good fight: Ahead of the 2020 Elections and the Iowa Caucus techfails, YouTube, Twitter & Google reinforced how they’re fighting misinformation (the last with a new tool for journalists to spot doctored photos). FB’s doing so for the Coronavirus.
15 Atlas(t): Happy 15 years, Google Maps. You’ve been invaluable and largely a good thing, but perhaps your birthday week will be more remembered thanks to this legend who created a traffic jam on your platform using a trolley full of phones.
BigCoin: Did you know half of Bitcoin is controlled by 5 companies?
Internyet: Putin’s controlled most of Russia’s internet, except YouTube. Doing so would turn all the young folk against him. Interesting.
PR kiya toh darna kya: Someone livestreamed their suicide on TikTok. The company thought it would be more prudent to get its PR strategy in place before calling the cops. Wat.
Bourgeoisie will be Bourgeoisie: FB-is-evil article of the week. Aw, Jeff Bezos is jealous of Musk. These billionaires are all just kids.
LinkedOut
You knew about Jesse Owens, but did you know Dhyan Chand and the rest of the Indians refused to Heil Hitler at the Berlin Olympics?
Meet the decade’s first Unicorn - ClassPass.
The digital colonization behind some internet domains.
Zuck is saying things like he doesn’t want to be loved, just understood. Aw :(((((
Excellent read about how AAP is creating a new ‘center’ in Indian politics.
We post a lot of depressing stuff here, so let’s end with one story of how the internet can be beautiful.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, May your life be as much on an upswing as Tesla stock is at the moment. Bye!