The Third Slip: Issue 150 - Hum tum ek Kamra me bandh ho
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that's like the Union Budget 2020. It is presented by two fellows who are amateurs wayyyy outside their fields of expertise who start out attempting to simplify the most essential concepts but end up complicating it beyond belief, and making you feel much worse.
This is issue 150. Which means it’s been 150 weeks where all of us (yes, you included) have kept this going without a break. Phew. Group hugs. Thank God we had the foresight to call it “issue” instead of “edition”, otherwise we may have been behind bars because “edition” is practically 87.5% sedition or something. Ironically, issue 150 comes out on 02.02.2020, and TBH we could all pause and use some extra O2 in 2020 and breathe a little bit more. But, not before we take another hit of the news. Come, come, snort these nice lines we’ve made for you…
At Home
Bottoms up: The economic survey was out this week, and the Chief Economic Advisor told us that the GDP growth would improve next year because it has hit rock bottom at 4.5% this year. For some reason, this sounds suspiciously like your mate egging you on to bet more at the roulette wheel in the casino saying “Bro, there’s no way it will land on black three times in a row. Do you know math? Probability? Wrong inferences?” Meanwhile he looks away to the TV in the corner showing India playing a second consecutive super over match with New Zealand and then says “Hard luck bro, that is never supposed to happen, chal you buy me shots so that we get over this sadness”. Okay fine, some parts of this newsletter may be autobiographical.
A slab in your face: Meanwhile, the union budget 2020 was presented and it seemed like some of us may save tax with two different regimes in action, but it ended up being just clickbait. As was the news that NRIs may need to pay tax. Confucius say Confusion is the currency of the clueless. Anyway, the SENSEX promptly tanked by 988 points in a few hours like a B-school student with a PPO who is made to sit through a process so placecomm can make up the numbers.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Fight and flight
So yes, it all started with comedian Kunal Kamra heckling Arnab on a flight. Whether or not the ban on him was justified, it was arbit (agrees the pilot), and in any case he deserves an award for keeping Cowswami quiet for a whole minute. And the subsequent flight ban by other airlines (including Air India who is still desperate to find a buyer) reeks of balls-in-hands-of-masters. Kamra though, with his titanium balls, posed outside the Republic TV office, and then filed a case against IndiGo! What a guy.
Godse’s own country: Later in the week - on Gandhi’s assassination anniversary no less, Godse’s spiritual grandkid showed up at an anti-CAA protest brandishing a gun, and injuring someone who had to climb the damn police barricade on his own to get to an ambulance. Meanwhile, the shooter is being honoured by the Hindu Mahasabha. Of course. Followed by another shooter at Shaheen Bagh.
Theatre of the absurd
The week was best summed up by what happened in schools: Students from one were chanting “Goli maaro saalon ko”, while those in another were staging an anti-CAA play, resulting in a parent and teacher arrested for sedition. But that’s not all…
Democracy in the ICU: Dr Kafeel Khan - that pediatrician - was arrested, this time for inflammatory statements at AMU.
Putting the lower in Lower Parel: A planned protest at Republic TV’s HQ was… Well… Oh Mumbai Police, you too? :(
Enrage aa?: Funds for MGNREGA are running out as the government is more bothered about statues.
Border less: Also, paucity of funds for the ‘Siachen mein hamara jawan…’
2G or not 2G: Kashmir has internet restored - the type I wouldn’t inflict on my enemies in 1998.
Tuk ruk: An auto driver fined for putting up a poster supporting Kejriwal
Smooth as Silk Board Junction: Apparently, Bangalore has the worst traffic in the world.
You can bank on them: The SBI lied in an RTI regarding electoral bonds...
Hope
Egg on Kejriwal: With an invisible Congress and rabble-rousing BJP that doesn’t focus on what citizens need, it looks like AAP should win Delhi. They’re far from perfect, but even the TTS authors will eat Gobi Manchurian when the alternatives are sewer smoothie and Mithi River ice cream.
Protest and learn: Rajasthan Assembly says no to CAA, making it the 3rd state to do so. Even the state’s ex-BJP CM skipped a pro-CAA rally. Those women protestors in Lucknow ain’t scared of Yogi! A 620-km human chain in Kerala protesting the CAA-NRC! Also, it’s been 50 days since the women of Shaheen Bagh have been protecting our democracy. Hats off, you heroes!
For fu*k’s Saket: Remember Saket Gokhale? The guy who got the Home Ministry to admit they had no idea what the tukde tukde gang was? Well, he keeps going and asked Delhi Police permission to hold a protest and chant exactly what some BJP goons have been chanting. Ayyo :D
International
Britannia 50-50
It’s like we at TTS have been holding a biscuit dipped in a cup of tea for way too long and it ultimately drowned in that cup. Yes, Britain is formally leaving the EU, whose parliament broke out into song after the final signature - whether out of solidarity, solemness or sarcasm is anyone’s guess. Anyway, good luck to Britain - the tough work begins now - negotiating with everyone for individual trade deals and stuff. This will be especially tough since several Britons are applying for non-UK passports. Oops!
Kuch corona yaar!
The virus is now a global emergency and is claiming 200+ in China alone. As always during a crisis, we see some human good - Jack Ma contributed a lot of money, Big Tech platforms are giving custom authoritative results and Wuhan residents are singing to keep their spirits up. Of course, then there's the US Commerce Secy. Wilbur Ross who sees it as an opportunity for the US to make money. That and good ol’ racism, which the “Asian” virus helps fuel. Also, a spectacular angle by the NYT: The Coronavirus is testing the world’s dependence on China.
Meanwhile, a second case of the virus has been confirmed in Kerala which is well equipped to handle strange deadly virii by now. Thank God. Or, if you prefer the darker alternative, there is a possibility that less ready states in India have cases of the virus that we don’t know of. Hey, that’s on you.
:(
Tel an old Aviv’s tale: Trump made a ‘solution’ to Israel-Palestine that does nothing for the latter while pretty much copy-pasting what the former told him to.
Is Trump impeached yet? Very long story short: He’s likely to be acquitted next week after Republicans narrowly managed to block a request for more witnesses (including his former National Security Advisor who dropped some bombshells in a to-be-released book). His lawyers are trying to argue why a bribing foreign governments was in fact, in America’s favour! Imagine if the TTS authors hacked into your bank accounts and took all your money, arguing that it you didn’t waste money on ice-cream and potentially saved you from diabetes. If you sniggered at that joke, please consider supporting us so we don’t need to commit crimes.
:)
Solar e-clips: Most detailed pics of the sun yet. As someone said, it looks like Maganlal Chikki.
New sprint: The Guardian is banning advertising from fossil fuel firms. FTW!
High court: This week’s legend is a guy who smoked marijuana in court when on trial for smoking marijuana.
Tech
Men in Big Blue: Another Indian tech CEO! This time it’s Arvind Krishna for IBM.
Jeff BeSOS: Risking their jobs, 300 Amazon employees have decided to protest following reports that some of their colleagues might be fired for speaking out against the company’s inaction on climate change.
Diss content: Just how belligerent is Facebook’s growth despite everything? Quite. The good thing is, they’re launching that Content Supreme Court this summer, and it’s worth understanding it.
A C change: A landslide EU vote agrees for one charging standard, despite one company crying. They are iRate.
Handle with e-car: Tesla’s zooming away - probably overvalued at the moment, but all that talk of bankruptcy and stuff is further than it appears in the mirror. Yay!
Superb owl: “We’re snooping on people’s private data. Can you turn that bug into a feature in an emotional Superbowl ad?” - Google’s brief
LinkedOut
An insightful editorial about Facebook’s trust problem.
Fascinating read about a lesser-known piece of PC Mahanalobis’ work: Racial biometrics.
An ex-Trump staffer (The Mooch!) welcomes John Bolton (whose upcoming book is annoying Trump) to life under the bus of post-Trump employment.
Yes, content moderation causes PTSD. Here’s five things tech companies can do.
VICE’s roast of Davos. Yeah.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may you never be afraid of sharing your creation with the big bad world that’s also mostly made of humans who love and care and encourage. Bye!