The Third Slip: Issue 148 - Call the Octopus
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that aims to be like a clever banner held by a protester - it speaks truth to power in a way that makes you chuckle, and is seen by millions of people as it’s shared on social media. But, we’re more like the 90% of the other banners that are a) not original b) too clever c) has too many niche references d) all of the above and therefore read only by the immediate circle, and are consigned to the rubbish bin by the end of the evening.
This is issue 148. 1 4 8, of course, is the numerical depiction of an octopus - because it has 1 head 4 8 legs. What do you mean that's not a fact? We just made it up okay, just go along with it. Don't be a damp squid. Octopoda! Okay, okay don’t sulk we’ll settle you nice and easy into the news...
World Wild Web
Livestock live stock ticker: A Norwegian TV show made professional stock pickers go up against beauty bloggers, an astrologist, and cows shitting in a field to build a portfolio. The pros did as well as the cows, but worse than beauty bloggers in a three month time period. Time of calling bullshit: January 2020.
A song of Fyre and Water: Remember Andy King from the Fyre Festival? Yes, the poor guy who was asked and willing to give a blowjob to the customs authorities so they released Evian water that had arrived. Well, he’s now the brand ambassador for Evian! A different, but more satisfying kind of happy ending.
Caption America: A deaf man from New York has sued the top 3 porn websites because… they don’t provide closed captioning.
Click here: Erstwhile Indian movie actor Waheeda Rehman, now in her eighties, is a brilliant wildlife photographer. No, really - check it out!
At Home
Not the Onion: One of the reasons why we don’t do satire like The Onion is because Indians prefer pun-gents. Apparently, the government didn’t receive the same memo. So now, onions imported at Rs 55/kg are facing a distress sale at Rs 25/kg or export to other countries because they’re not pungent enough. You cannot make this up.
An idol mind is a devi’s workshop: Serial bullshitter, Subramanian Swamy said this week that putting Goddess Lakshmi on currency notes may improve the condition of the rupee. Meanwhile, the inflation is pretty bad and even low-income workers are blaming the BJP. Shekhar Gupta has a really good article about the economy here. Word of the week - Stagflation - which as a friend put it is when you drink Royal Stag instead of Teacher’s because the prices are going up but your salary isn’t.
Cypher Security: Remember Cypher from The Matrix who learns the truth and gets so mindfucked that he just wants to unlearn it? We’re feeling a bit like that this week with the arrest of Davinder Singh - a gallantry award winning J&K police officer who was caught ferrying Hizbul Mujahideen terrorists to Delhi. He was previously implicated by Afzal Guru during the 2001 parliament attack. The TV channels are not covering this mad story for some reason. If you’ve not yet come across the terms “deep state” or “false flag” this week, wade into these murky waters that will never become clear at your own peril.
You get an anti-national, You get an anti-national, everybody gets an anti-national!
Who’s anti-national this week? A whole bunch of people! The Supreme Court (for telling off Delhi Police), Satya Nadella (for saying CAA is bad), a JNU Economist (who resigned), a coder (who removed 1.6lakh troll accounts), Rahul Kanwal (for… asking questions), small towns (for protesting), The Ramakrishna Mission (for finding Modi’s statements distressing), UNSC (for discussing Kashmir again), all faiths (for praying together), a journalist (who filed an RTI asking Amit Shah to explain who constituted the ‘tukde tukde gang’), students in Ahmedabad (for flying kites with anti-CAA messages), the HRD minister (for saying JNU is our top university) and Jeff Bezos (who got into a tussle with ministers on his otherwise pandering-t0-India trip). Phew!
They have beef with everything: But the anti-national gold medal goes to… Kerala, who filed a case against the Center and an RTI asking for Modiji’s citizenship proof. To boot, it put out a tweet with beef fry! Kerala's currently like that lower-order batsman who's realised the match is all but lost, but might as well have a bit of fun on the way out.
Paking light: Imran Khan is coming to India for a security meet, and must feel like how you get invited to your ex’s wedding.
In sobering news...
Delhi’s police chief now has got “detain now ask questions later” powers.
SBI still won’t say who bought those damn electoral bonds.
Doctor who treated Unnao rape victim’s dad killed one day before court hearing!
“Put kids in de-radicalisation camps” (by the Chief of Defence, no less).
“Why do you need the internet in Kashmir? They just watch porn” - Niti Aayog
At least some slim pickings
Mumbai curfew over, places can stay open 24*7, but daru only till 130 AM. Well done... um... Aditya Thackeray.
The Bhim Army chief, Chandrashekhar Azad, was finally released but told to stay away from Delhi till the elections are done.
AAP looks set to win Delhi again - even Swarajya thinks so.
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International
Capitol Punishment: Trump’s impeachment trial has got underway (he’s already impeached, now they’re checking to see if he can be kicked out of office. He won’t be, despite new proof of his illegal dealings emerging. Even Ukraine’s had enough and is opening an investigation of its own). He might visit India in Feb so everyone can swap notes, and clarify that he did indeed know China and India shared a border. Oops.
:(
War & pieces: After dodging that war bullet, there’s still loads of instability over at Iran - including financial problems for which there were protests in the first place.
MIG-rants: Did you know the US puts migrants on planes to Guatemala - often not telling them where they’re headed? We’ve heard of surprise destinations...
Coalonoscopy: Can Australia survive without coal?
:-/
Moscouch: Russian prez Putin wants even more power. And the whole of the government… Resigned. Voluntarily. Who even knew Russia had a Prime Minister?
:)
Taipei Personality: Taiwan showed a giant middle finger to China, with a win for its pro-democracy candidate. “Jeepers do we want to end up like HK” might as well been the slogan.
Putting the ban in…: The Taliban have promised to be nice.
:O
I ran with it: Nothing weirder than seeing a Trump tweet in Farsi, in support of protestors in Iran against the government.
:’D
Hero in the half shell: The story of Diego the tortoise who spawned so many offspring it saved his species. Not-teenage non-mutant, very horny tortoise!
Ok then: “GenZ” might not cut it anymore. Now we might have to call ‘em Zoomers.
Trade over tirade: Both the US and China are claiming credit for “winning” the trade war that was their own mess to begin with. We’d say “what a bunch of kids run the world”, but that would be an insult to kids.
Tech
NOtifications: Browsers will limit all those annoying prompts (and Whatsapp won’t see ads soon)
Admining data: What’s a week without a FB controversy? Details of admins of sensitive pages exposed, doxxing followed.
Softbroke: All isn’t well with Softbank, OYO laying off staff (and so many other layoffs in India)
It’s electric! Here’s the most interesting EV startup we’ve not heard of. Ah, B2B!
Back to backdoors: Apple and the FBI are fighting again over phone encryption.
Google Lens what? Check out these smart contact lenses!
LinkedOut The best things we read this week
A fantastic piece about how a Twitch “troll” engages with extremists while playing video games.
How World War 3 memes, oddly enough, give us hope.
Meat alternative companies’ biggest challenge is, weirdly, massive demand.
It’s Putin’s world now, as American diplomacy under Trump collapses.
A lovely read about Nepal’s metal scene and how - because of CAA protests - a thrash metal legend stepped in as a drummer for a local band.
Um, meet “e-boys”. Tiktok’s influencers. Really.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may you serendipitously discover the music that makes you dance like everyone would be watching but you don’t care . Bye!