The Third Slip: Issue 147 - Don’t strike Iran while it’s hot
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that always tries to strike the irony of the world news while it is still at least lukewarm.
This is issue 147. 147, of course, is the total number of ways to skin a cat. “Why would anyone want to skin a cat?! That too in multiple ways?” Joseph Barbera asked his friend. William Hanna replied “Where there’s a Will, there’s more than one way. But it’s not just a Barberic thing to do, there’s a show to be made out of it.” And thus Tom and Jerry was born. Now that you’ve bought into this absurd made-up factoid, it’ll be easier to deal with the real collection of absurd factoids from the week. On with the news...
International
A-war-ted
After a tense weekend after the US killed a top Iranian military, tempers have calmed and there are no attacks, blowing up of cultural sites, nuclear war or WW3. Phew, dodged that ‘un, it still looks like climate change will be the one to kill us. The situation is still damn complicated. But reassuringly, nobody in the US is keen on war and Iran doesn’t have the tech for a bomb. The whole episode is a good example of Twitter diplomacy. But it’s worth remembering that the general who was killed was actually a pretty evil guy (so, um, thanks, Trump?).
In the middle of all the above tension, a Ukraine Airlines flight was accidentally shot down by Iran killing all people on board. It was a massive tragedy but thankfully didn’t lead to further escalation. Slim pickings.
Down Blunder
Australia’s red skies have become a new symbol of the ill effects of climate change and inaction of the political class. A billion animals, including iconic wildlife is dead and the country’s spewed out more emissions than 100 countries or one ad agency. As with any tragedy, there are heartwarming stories: A Sikh woman cancelled her India trip to feed victims, American firefighters were applauded at Sydney airport and of course, an Instagram model offered to send nudes to those who donate. Here’s a heartbreaking video of a magpie mimicking the sound of an emergency vehicle.
:’D
The prince is dead, long live the prince: News from the most important unimportant family in the world - Meghan & Harry are, um, resigning from the Royal Family. Kinda. The Queen is pissed and aw, they’ve been cancelled by Madame Tussaud’s! It is fair to say, they're not waxing eloquent.
Gota give it to him: Hehe. This sly tweet by SL’s Prime Minister. Hehehehe.
:-/
End of the long Europe: The British Parliament quietly okayed Brexit so Jan 31 is bye-bye day (and lulz, Britons are applying for EU passports in droves).
Lobboeing: Leaked Boeing dox showed employees discussing manipulating regulators to sell that ill-fated plane and even made fun of India’s DGCA. Bhakts to fly exclusively on Airbus now?
:)
Taiwin: The HK protests might actually help the pro-independence party in Taiwan get re-elected.
Fundastic: Lots of money is flowing into Africa for startups!
Libyeah!: Russia and Turkey have called for a ceasefire in the Libyan war despite being on opposing sides. Looks unlikely but the bar to make it to the “:)” section these days is very low.
At Home
JNUun: The week started with violence at JNU and ended with the notification of CAA’s implementation. What happens next is anyone’s guess.
That stings: The JNU student secretary, Aishe Ghosh, who was grievously injured in the attack was among those named by Delhi Police behind the violence, despite ABVP members proudly admitting to it.
Padmawhatay!: Deepika Padukone showed up in support of protestors with silent grace. Bhakt reaction was predictable and hilarious (cancelling the same seat for her upcoming movie about an acid attack victim). For every Deepika, there’s a Juhi Chawla, though.
Reverse engineering: Amit Shah declared this week that he’d received 52.7 lakh missed calls as a result of their “hot singles near you waiting for a missed call” campaign in support of CAA. Amusingly, this number is also quite close to the number of male engineering students in India. Correlation does not imply causation, except when it does. *wink wink nudge nudge*
You’ve got to be kidding me: Probably realising they can’t thrash kids in schools, the BJP practically forced them to send postcards to Modi, as they did in Mumbai and Gujarat. This is one Postcard News which while outlandish is also true.
Getoutwahati: All the protests in Assam forced Modi to cancel a trip there! Meanwhile, dear leader had to sneak around Kolkata in choppers and boats to avoid massive protests. Also, Amit Shah just cancelled his trip to Kerala after giving no flood relief to Kerala.
Saffronneth over?: In non missed call news, BJP, shockingly, lost four zilla parishad elections including those in Nagpur - the RSS cradle. That’s like Gold’s Gym going out of favour in Lokhandwala or Blue Tokai being boycotted in Indiranagar. The disillusionment is happening. Hang in there, guys.
Broad bandh: On Jan 8, we saw the largest general strike in the world. Ever. As 250 crores (3% of the world’s population!) were out on the streets in India - protesting everything from anti-worker policies to CAA, state violence and more. That’s a huge number, but before we can determine its success we have to ask one important question - how many missed calls did they get?
FDayeayeayyo!: Foreign investors are taking money out of India faster than before and the economy is kakkoos. Maybe that’s why Modi asked for your suggestions and there was a big important finance meet without the hon. finance minister, but with a cardiologist (like a friend said, maybe taking ‘surgical strike’ too literally).
Supreme Curt: The SC says the Kashmir internet blackout is… Well, something but didn’t exactly order the government to restore it. Still, we’ll take that (and the “yo let people protest” statement) as something positive. We’re clutching at straws here.
Polies: The UP Police admitted they wrongly accused Muslims of violence, and Delhi Police admitted they just stood by and watched all the violence.
On the other hand: Ok, the BJP was right about… Acche din. Their own income grows 135%. And about uniting the people of J&K. But… Er, against the BJP only.
Tech
Facebokachoda: FB will continue allowing lies in their political ads, despite the head of product admitting they were kinda responsible for Trump. They are banning deepfake videos though, so that’s something. Zuck, meanwhile, has given up on those silly new year challenges.
CESpool: The world’s largest consumer electronics event, CES happened - which has the same crap, but more powerful: An LG 8K TV, a Samsung vertical TV (!) and artificial humans (!!!), Lenovo’s screen-folding laptop, Segway’s moving chair, a concept car by Sony and this weird personal air filter mask thingy. Also, lots of women-led sex-tech.
MoscoWWW: Meanwhile, Russia is trying to build its own internet. That was not announced at CES.
Please note 7: Scientists have figured out a non-exploding Li-Ion battery!
LinkedOut The best things we read this week
Here’s some tech that could happen in the 2030s - from colonising the moon, to tiny nuclear plants.
Okay, Ricky Gervais’ speech at the Golden Globes. What. Was. That.
An excellent read - how Modi wants to be like Xi, but India is not like China.
Maybe we’ll end on a happy note? Some myths the CAA protests busted.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may you always laugh out loud at your own jokes, only to be echoed by everyone around you. Bye!