The Third Slip: Issue 146 - Stand at ease or Detention?
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that’s like your New Year resolution. It looks quite serious and formal, but soon enough it makes you laugh at the absurdity of it all, then gets you depressed at the thought of why things can't change for the better, and finally you forget about it really quickly before moving on with life.
This is issue 146, for the week beginning January 6th, also known as Epiphany because the three wise men reached baby Jesus after following a star. That event also marked the last time when wise men would follow stars, because, let's face it, all our mainstream stars in 2020 are selfish pus-filled pimples with a moral compass that will dance to the tune of institutions. Happy New Year!
A walk in the arc: Before we jump into the regular cesspool of cheer that is TTS, it’s worth reflecting a lot went right with the right now - from literacy, electricity access and health. So much so that one columnist called 2019 the best year ever in the arc of human history. Well, some graphs might say that, but for everything else, there’s the news. On we go.
At Home
Standing to detention: Some truly remarkable citizens have continued the protest against CAA+NRC in various forms. The common thread that unites them is the one used to detain or arrest them by a state that’s running out of ideas. The women-led Shaheen Bhag protests, which crosses 22 days as of today, amidst record cold in Delhi. Meanwhile 100+ anti-CAA organizations have come together under the banner of We, The People Of India and protests are happening in smaller towns too. Hyderabad witnessed a “million march” on Saturday against the CAA. Meanwhile, in Kerala the assembly passed a resolution against the CAA, and the CM wrote to 11 other states encouraging them to do the same. How are we still standing at ease?
Act-checking:
There once was a pseudoscience peddling mystic named Jaggi
Whose point of view on CAA seemed rather buggy
I haven’t read the act fully
He said rather tactfully
But why is everyone protesting and being all UGH-y
“Have you read the act?” seems to be the de facto question posed by supporters of CAA against everyone else, but that qualification is apparently not needed for spiritual gurus who speak at length about it. Said speech is then pointed to as a lucid explanation by Dear Leader and the Real Dealer, only for Times Now(!!!) to fact-check it. What a cracking start to the decade. Meanwhile, in complete comedy of errors, #IndiaSupportsCCA (not CAA) trended on Twitter after someone made a typo in the copy-paste document of the IT cell. Forget the act, have you read the hashtag?
Lies, damn lies and Police: UP’s treatment of Muslims is now global news! Yay, we can now join China & Myanmar. The accounts of police brutality against Muslims in UP range from the horrifying - minors suffering “rectal bleeding” as the result of torture - to the bizarrely hilarious - man dead for 6 years booked for violent protests. Let’s take a moment to hang our heads in collective shame at what we’re standing by and watching.
Missed opportunity: In the meantime, the BJP assures us it will not give an inch on CAA, and the protests don’t matter. But at the same time, it has made some horrible videos feat. yuppies asking us to #chill, #bro”, and in an unbelievable turn of events, spread a number to give a missed call on on twitter under the guise of “lonely women wanting to chat”, to free Netflix accounts to record support for the CAA. At least we don’t have to search further for the collective noun for a group of festering dickwads anymore. Oh, and in case you’re wondering what’s next - they're explaining how cool CAA is to Bollywood stars. Get ready for “all cool boys put your hands up and say ‘Yay CAA’”
’slim pickings: One criticism against the BJP is that they skirt around the Muslim issue. Well, not national secy Sunil Deodhar, who clarifies that the party has no humanity for Muslims from other countries. Phew, that’s fixed then.
Taking you for a trip: A Union Minister lied when he said J&K’s tourism wasn’t hit (this seems an almost cute offence)
A-shock Gehlot: Over a 100 infants have died in a hospital in Kota, Rajasthan. Shamefully, political parties are pointing fingers, the CM (from the Congress) says “so what, kids die every year” and the hospital is busy rolling out red carpets for ministers, even as children die. This, in a city that’s mass manufacturing IIT grads, killing childhoods thanks to an overambitious middle class. Everything wrong with India, in one story.
That went over my head: Why does nobody want to buy Air India? :( It’s only losing 20 crores a day. Oooh, Softbank, maybe?
A break from all that depressing shit
The pope of nope: It’s so bad that even the Pope loses his shit once in a while. When a woman grabbed his hand and wouldn’t let go, he hit her hand with his and later apologised. But then, he’s used to giving a slap on the wrist and apologising for all kinds of wrongdoings within the church anyway.
Sharon Stone: Some people say Greta Thunberg has a stone-faced expression. But no one can slay like her, more so on Twitter. This week, she changed her name on Twitter to Sharon, after actor Amanda Henderson guessed the teenage climate change activist from Sweden’s name as “Sharon” on a quiz show. You go girl!
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International
:(
From Baghdad to worse: Iran-backed protestors stormed the US Embassy in Iraq. Skirmish. A top Iranian general was killed in a strike ordered by Trump. Iran promises revenge. Much turmoil (including aftereffects in India) is likely as the world grapples with whether Trump did a good or bad thing. How bad is it? Well, the young uns are making World War III memes. In any case, this should boost Trump’s chances of re-election. As a friend put it, “Gora version of Balakot”.
ScoMo in SloMo: There are massive bushfires in Australia. Their PM Scott Morrison has been shockingly apathetic about it and the cause (yes, climate change) and firefighters refused to shake his hand. Scarily, peak fire season hasn’t even begun.
Recep for disaster: Finding his balls growing by the day, Turkey’s Erdogan is now sending forces to Libya to regain past glory or some such nonsense.
:)
Make law not war: A bunch of new laws went live in some US states: Minimum wage, AI-in-job-interview regulation, vape bans, gun laws and well… Legal weed. Importantly, a GDPR-like law went live in California. Except nobody knows what to do.
:O
Trump v/s Who??: A nice read about how Trump can win only by making the alternative seem worse.
Pride of millions: China has 130 cities of over a million people: More than the US, EU and South America combined! India has 61.
Tech
Teching it the wrong way: Yes, we certainly need more women in tech, but Ivanka Trump keynoting at CES is not what we meant.
Decade tech aid: Here’s what to expect from consumer tech in 2020, and here’s an excellent rundown of the best/worst business decisions of the ‘10s.
Techy young ones: 2019 saw employees up in arms against their Big Tech employees and it looks like 2020 will deliver more of the same: Amazon employees pushing climate change policies were threatened & Google’s head of international relations left after painting a bleak picture of the company once committed to doing no evil. In one working day. Oh boy.
iWantYou: Apple managed to poach HBO’s CEO - showing its content ambitions.
LinkedOut
The best things we read this week which are not the news
A lovely read about our obsession with the ‘Personal life’ section on Wikipedia (admit it!)
AAP - the political unicorn of the decade.
A nice summary of what happened in the music industry in the 2010s.
Fabulous article by Scott Galloway about how ‘unremarkables’ like him and reducing day by day thanks to the obsession with billionaires.
Teenagers are rewriting the rules of how news is delivered.
We were supposed to be a superpower by 2020. What went wrong?
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may you realise that your resolutions begin where other people’s dreams get fulfilled. Bye!