The Third Slip: Issue 143 - CABage soup
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Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that is tired of making tired analogies. By this point, we're like the 13th blue jeans in your wardrobe - functional, comfortable, and really what other colour is there?
This is issue 143. The sound of 1 4 3 can only mean one thing to Indians - 1 for 3 or those crazy 10 minutes when India lost 3 wickets (Rohit, Rahul, Virat) for 1 run in the semi-finals against New Zealand effectively knocking them out of the World Cup which they could have won. Painful memory. But it’s not like 143 stands for anything else. What? Why are you shouting “I LOVE YOU”? Okay, we love you too! Oh! 143 means I LOVE YOU aa? Okay da, what next we’ll play FLAMES or what? Actually, it looks like all governments are playing flames with the world. As the news will tell you...
At Home
Your uber CAB has arrived before time
Not all German words have fascist connotations, but we used one in the headline with the hope that it will be implied. The CAB passed both Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha this week despite some spirited opposition from quite a few parties.
There are two distinct strains of opposition to the CAB on the ground now - 1) It is unconstitutional because it differentiates people based on religion. And since the NRC will follow the CAB, it's an obvious tool to persecute Muslims 2) In Assam, and other NE states, this would mean a betrayal of the Assam Accord as Hindu immigrants would now be given citizenship if this agreement is carried out. Oh and if that’s not enough, and the moral arguments don’t compel you the logical and logistical nightmare should. Essentially, his ego is writing bills that India can’t cash. Meanwhile, Amit Shah wisely cancelled plans to visit Shillong.
We have some rave reviews on the CAB for you from the world over
“We have fundamentally changed as a nation” - Barkha Dutt
“The end is near for Gandhi’s India.” - Rana Ayyub
“Will bring an end to the Constitution as we know it.” - The Hindu
“GO BACK BJP” - all of Assam
“We won’t implement” - Kerala, WB, Punjab // “LOL yeah?” - BJP
“Whoa, a bill so anti-Muslim even WE are thinking of imposing sanctions” - USA
“Fundamentally discriminatory” - UN Human Rights Office
Kamal karte ho yaar!
In this week’s issue of The Lotus Louts - apparently, we now have a lotus on our passports for “security purposes”. In Jharkhand, the police shot and killed someone standing in line to vote because he refused to vote for the BJP as instructed. Yes, really. Good thing we won’t hear about much of this because the I&B asked news platforms not to do anything anti-national, like reporting the news. And from the judiciary corner, there’s a clean chit for the Gujarat government in the Godhra riots, and the Supreme Court dismissed all review petitions on the Ayodhya verdict. Song of the season “Ente ammede gimicky kamal…”
IT’s getting worse
A new law - the Personal Data Protection Bill - has been proposed. Ostensibly to protect citizens, but the person who drafted the bill and the parliamentary committee that’s supposed to work on it has no idea about the changes which were brought about and opined that it will turn India into an “Orwellian state”
A matter of pride
Tata Steel allows LGBTQ employees to declare partners and avail of HR benefits! And for what it’s worth, India’s moved up one rank in the UN HDI.
On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me…A Subscription to The Third Slip. On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me, a subscription and a contribution via UPI on thethirdslip@paytm, on the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me a subscription, a contribution and a monthly donation on Patreon… Oh hi, true love! Go on, do your thing :)
International
Marginal futilityI
n a big week, it looks like Trump will be impeached next week, but is unlikely to be removed from office. He could still be disqualified from candidature in 2020. He passed the time by warning Russia not to interfere in US elections (like your dealer telling you not to toke). Also, it turns out the USA wasted a lot of money and people in 18 years on the Afghan war.
The Jong-Un Wrong’un
We’re no fans of Kim Jong-Un but boy does he have the best ways to describe Trump. After an unexpected English vocabulary lesson with ‘dotard’, we now have “heedless and erratic old man”.
Coming Londone
The Conservatives won the UK Elections, overwhelmingly, in no small part thanks to the unpopularity and arrogance of the opposition leader. Now, Boris Johnson can go ahead with Brexit, though that’s not going to be easy. The fun stops now - it’s worth remembering that the jokes were just distraction from the xenophobia and damage this will cause the world.
Haguely familiar
Hearings against Myanmar’s genocide against the Rohingya are happening at The Hague. Of all the depressing things happening in the world, a Nobel Peace Prize winner teaming up with the same military that imprisoned her to wipe out an ethnic population ranks right up there.
Putin हाराRussia has been banned from international sports, including the Olympics, and the football world cup for doping. And Russia is angry. As is everyone else - but only because the ban is not strong enough for the kind of systematic cheating undertaken in Putinsville.
:)
If you need inspiration, take it from Greta Thunberg, TIME’s youngest-ever Person Of The Year. Obviously, Trump was angry he didn’t make it, maybe angrier a judge is blocking his Border Wall.
The Sharmaji ka beta of the world, Scandinavia, annoys us yet again. Finland promotes a 34-year-old lady as the youngest PM ever.
“They” is M-W’s Word of the Year for taking on a whole new meaning.
Have a laugh at this quite fabulous Netflix-initiated Twitter thread leading to some lovely brand responses.
:(
What’s a TTS without yet another depressing piece of climate change news? It’s like none of the world leaders care at all.
Brazil’s whackjob PM won’t go to his Argentinian counterpart’s inauguration. Awkward.
A deadly volcano eruption happened in New Zealand.
Exxon Mobil won a case against NY City and you just know that’s bad for the planet even if you don’t read further.
:O
Boris Johnson hid in a fridge to escape being interviewed by Piers Morgan. The PM of the UK, ladies and gentlemen.
The world’s newest country might not be whatever that rapist godman idiot tried to start last week, but Bougainville, gaining independence from Papua New Guinea.
Tech cetera
Fakebook: So it’s not just politics - FB ads are filled with misinformation about HIV prevention drugs as well. Well, that’s a relief, we thought they were biased! Meanwhile, Facebook is serious about that ‘Content Supreme Court’ of its - it pumped $130m into it.
Just undo it: Nike pulled out all its stuff from Amazon, so as to control the customer experience on its own. It’ll be interesting to see how this turns out.
Tweet dreams: Twitter wants to fund a decentralized version of itself (whatever that means, we still haven’t understood what Blockchain does).
Stock home syndrome: If all you’ve been following about Big Tech has been through TTS (dear lord!), you’d think they’ve had a terrible year. Well, the investors are not bothered because the stock market says otherwise.
LinkedOut The best things we read this week which are not the news
Just in case you’re worried who’s a millennial and who’s a GenZ and all that. Here.
Beautiful longread about the ruthlessness and ambition of Jeff Bezos.
You might hate Zuck now, but will love him later. Hey, Bill Gates!
Yeah, that duct-taped banana is worth $120,000. If you read this article, you’re complicit too.
Here’s an interesting take: Private companies should stop giving money to good causes.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may you make new memories with old friends. Bye!