The Third Slip: Issue 140 - Name’s Bond, Shame’s Bond
The Third Slip is now available as a PDF as well- Read issue 140 - PDF version
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter for people like us who are comfortable being slippers. We don’t use a footwear analogy because we engage in ground-level reporting, but you could say we are down to earth. This is a ‘modest publication with much to be modest about’. Much like a Hawai Chappal, there's nothing formal about us but is an ideal companion for you on a beach while sipping a cold one.
This is issue 140. 140, of course, was the character limit on the world’s favourite microblogging site for initiating revolutions, cancelling people, and making puns. Till they realised their true potential and cancelled the limit - character assassination, anyone? No? Okay then, let’s dive into the news.
Funny money
Late stage capitalism LOLs
ConMari
World-famous minimalist joy sparker extraordinaire, Marie Kondo, is now selling essential things like Tuning Fork & Quartz Crystal online. Well, we guess this business will fold up very compactly soon.
Breaking the glass ceiling
Elon Musk revealed a crazy new truck, and its bulletproof window demo didn’t exactly go according to plan. Yes, it broke quite spectacularly when a metal ball was gently thrown at it and Elon Musk went “Oh my f***ing God” on stage.
The meth doesn’t add up
South Dakota spent about half a million dollars to create an antidrug campaign called... “Meth. We’re on it”, and like any marketing case study writer, the people behind it say the irony is part of the point.
Suspense account
And finally, we come to India. Spare a thought for this genius whose faith in our leader’s promises is unshakeable.
Putting the sub in subscription
Some people describe us as a dashing Indian The Bugle. These people have seen our subscriber count. TTS is still extremely niche, and while we’d like to partly keep it that way, we would love to have a wider readership. And just two tweets yesterday (thank you SG, PGK!) grew our subscriber base by 3.39% - take that Nirmala Sitharaman! So, this time around we have two requests -
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At Home
Bond - The word is not enough
Kids, remember that macabre story where someone voted out the corrupt idiots and replaced them with corrupt fascists? That would never happen in India, right? The Huffington Post in an exclusive report has uncovered revelations so strong that they won’t make the TV news in India. It started in 2017 when Arun Jaitley introduced Electoral Bonds to purportedly protect harassment of donors to political parties and make it more transparent, only to bring in a system that’s much more opaque and dodgy. Bring back that old playlist of the BJP’s greatest hits- Rush legislation through, Brush aside all opposition, and Everyone loses while I win.
Basically, the central government disregarded RBI concerns and recommendations, blatantly lied to parliament, Got the PMO to order illegal electoral bond sale before state elections, made SBI accept expired bonds sold in the illegal window and to complete a beautiful full circle, we arrive at the premise, which - here’s the clincher - never existed! The government apparently has admitted that it lied that donors asked for secrecy and best of all, it turns out electoral bonds are traceable after all. If you think that after demonetisation and electoral bonds there could surely be no more such entertaining tricks up the sleeve, don’t worry. NRC is set to follow.
Pawar corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely
There is a common misconception that the origin of the word idiot in ancient Greek refers to one who didn’t vote. In 2019, there needs to be no doubt - idiot refers to the people who did vote. Oh, and quick update - what we used to call sordid corruption and blatant abuse of power is now called genius chyavanprash Chanakya Neeti. Ughstopher Ughnath.
But what happened you ask? Something and all is the only accurate answer. The Mahahahahaharashtra political drama is still unfolding with plot points which Sidney Sheldon would deem too outlandish. It appears that Fadnavis is somehow CM again (as of 3PM on 24th November), but the whole thing is being dragged into court. At this point, we won’t be surprised if this goes full WWE and one political leader pins down another after an epic battle and is about to win the count but someone administers a chair shot to the judge from behind, and puts the one on the bottom on top while a new judge runs in and declares a fresh winner at which point Vince McMahon walks in and cancels the judgment only to settle everything with a bikini contest. #GoingToTellMyKidsThisWasDemocracy.
SNAFU - Rest of the country’s news, quickly!
Cow vigilantes are still lynching, this time in Bengal.
Crop burning in Punjab’s not going away, so neither is Delhi’s pollution problems.
A godman accused of kidnapping & rape fleeing the country? No way. It’s more likely ‘friends in high positions’ put him on a private jet, surely.
And Kashmir stays shut down and is without internet access, even as Kerala makes it a universal right. If you ever needed a starker north-south divide…
JNU students continue to be antinational doing peaceful protests unnecessary fee hikes and asking for basic rights like subsidised education. Thankfully we can impose section 144 and beat them up.
The accused terrorist in the Malegaon blast case, Pragya Thakur - yes the same person whom Modiji said he would never forgive, is now nominated to the parliamentary defence panel.
Tariff pe Tariff
It’s been a crazy time for the telecom sector of late, and The Nutgraf does a super job of summarizing everything. TLDR: Look forward to higher tariffs.
It’s not just JNU that’s an anti-national institution
NITI Aayog seems to have dug into its skeleton closet and found a spine, saying the $5 trillion economy its masters wanted is unlikely with all the current roadblocks. Stupid millennials.
International News
Chee chee Xi
Last week, the NYT obtained 400 pages of leaked documents that showed China’s crackdown on its own Muslims, predictably pissing off Xi and his pals. Further, a defector leaked details of China’s political interference in Hong Kong & China. In addition, the US might or might not support the Hong Kong protestors depending on how Trump wants to use it as leverage for the worsening trade war (sneaky!).
Trumpeachment
The more people testify (especially his own staff), the guiltier Trump looks and the angrier his tweets get. The most damning might have come from his own supporter-donor-EU-ambassador, who probably realised that the President’s favourite form of transport is throwing people under the bus. The most iconic photo this week showed his very badly written notes which someone said looked like Ramones lyrics. Here’s a quick catch-up if you’re interested in more details. In the middle of all this, spare a thought for poor Ukraine, who are globally just being associated with this turd’s potential impeachment and might forever be.
Hope
Goldman Sachs says the worst of the slowdown might be over.
Israel’s Ben Netanyahu was indicted on corruption charges. One hopes one right-wing strongman falling could… No, let’s not raise hopes.
Tech & Biz What are the sharks do do do do doing?
Don’t Be Evil (conditions apply): Google ends its famed TGIF sessions where employees could ask management anything, and hired a company known for quelling unionization.
iDo, but she needs my permission: Apple’s credit card was found to be ‘sexist’ last week because nobody bothered factoring gender in the algorithm.
Mao Says Don’t: TikTok is a good thing and to prove it, its head is traveling the world to reassure everyone and downplay its links to China.
Dodo does do hazaar: Before it goes extinct, WeWork lays off 2400 people.
iDontKnowHowElse: Tim Cook’s ‘friendship’ with Donald Trump has certainly helped the company.
Just Don’t Do It: Nike was supposed to be woke, but mistreating women ain’t fleek, yo.
LinkedOut
The best things we read this week which are not the news
NYT Mag has a great series of articles on the internet - great writing, images and overall perspective. Well worth your time.
Fabulous longread on The Guardian about how our home delivery habit is reshaping the world.
Streaming is changing everything - especially Hollywood.
The Chinese internet vs the American internet. So, which one’s better?
All that flying might actually be a good thing, a sustainable travel expert opines.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may you never disappoint someone who reads till the last word of your newsletter. What? We said you. Bye!