The Third Slip: Issue 138 - My temples are hurting
Hello Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that's like the drunk man at the bar unleashing a stream of consciousness. Your attention is captured as soon as you see it, he switches from one story to another without really completing any, and is mildly amusing for about 7 minutes at which point you lose interest and get on with your life.
This is issue 138 for the week that has heralded a new dawn in India. As evidenced by our latest visit to the doctor...
"My temples are hurting, I have such a terrible headache"
"Nonsense, temples can't hurt anyone. Are you a liberal? You're probably just butthurt. Bend over and I can check and also give you a prostate exam. Ah just as I suspected you're not pro-state, you're anti-national. Here are your tickets to Pakistan"
But wait, the news…
At Home
Top story this week - Hold that thought!
Arrested development
Remember how UAPA was modified so governments can lock up individuals now without due process? Remember how most advocates of human rights said it might be a terrible idea? Well, it has begun and how. Adarsh Kerala has arrested two students under UAPA for possessing Maoist literature. Apparently. This is Kerala we’re talking about.
So what about Gujarat? A Gujarat anti-terror bill introduced by Narendra Modi in 2003 is all set to get the presidential nod, and of course, it’s as broad as the bowler whom Yuvraj hit six consecutive sixes for. Oh, and of course, the UP police and police in other states is trawling social media for ‘objectionable content’ ahead of the Ayodhya verdict and more.
Basically, it’s safest not to have an opinion at this point as righteous ex-IAS officer Kannan Gopinathan found out this week. After quitting in protest against the lockdown in Kashmir, the home ministry has now filed an absurd chargesheet against him. (Sample charges read “4. Did not apply for PM excellence award
and 5. Submitting file directly to Administrator”).
But, what of the privileged, you ask? Turns out, they’re doomed too.
Aatish Taseer, author of that Time piece on Modi titled “Divider in Chief” lost his Overseas Citizenship of India status citing some technicality which was suddenly discovered. His mother, a self-proclaimed supporter of the incumbent government cannot believe they came for his son. We would use the Fas_ _ _ _ word now, but hey that’s not fashionable.
Ram home the point
There’s no escaping the elephant in the room, so let’s get down to the story that we cannot avoid. England and New Zealand played out yet another tight contest which ended in a tie and a super over, only for England to take home the trophy. What do you mean that’s not the ‘deja vu, all over again’ story that we should be talking about?
So yeah, the Ayodhya verdict happened and no one was surprised. The real breaking news, in this case, took place in 1992. TBH we really don’t want to talk about it or about how everything is further downhill from here. But hugs to everyone who needs it, for being naive enough to believe in ideals laid down in the constitution and principles of natural justice. Hopefully, we can all go back to being indifferent and buy more comfortable armchairs.
RCEPping news from last week
China wanted a big free-trade zone, but India pulled out as someone told Sir that farmers are a big vote bank. This was probably the right move for now given China’s propensity to flood India with cheap goods, but India will need to step up its game in several sectors, in the long run, to be globally competitive. There’s lots to do.
Remission impossible
Moody downgraded India’s outlook to ‘negative’. One might remember the last time something like this happened, trolls attacked cricketer Tom Moody - a script right out of a Son Of Bosey headline (there’s a kvlt reference for ya!). The IMF also has told India to be more transparent with economic numbers, a move that should have people boycotting - we dunno - IVF? IMDb? ElectroMotive Force? Meanwhile, millennials relieved as blame for the auto slowdown shifted to confusion over the EV policy. Phew. And to round up the economics mess, this week in any-silver-lining-will-do headlines: “Economic slowdown will lighten India’s carbon burden” from The Hindu.
Fad-navi-mumbai
Maharashtra government is being formed with utmost civility, respect and dedication to improving peoples’ lives. loljk
Global
Feel better about living in India section
Be thankful you don’t live in a country where...
A gun lobby is auctioning guns off in schools (USA)
The government’s threatening to outlaw climate change protests so it can make money off coal (Australia). To be fair to India, Adani’s classier than that.
93% of people living in countries with elections face online interference from their own governments or their cronies (all over the world)
Global internet freedom is declining (um…)
Anti-climatic
How likely is it that even 11000 of the best scientists around the world telling us we’re screwed, is going to lead to any action against climate change? Yeah, we thought as much. Especially as Trump can now pull out of the Paris accord and it doesn’t look like India / China care much.
Putting the boom in boomer
A young NZ Parliamentarian created the meme of the week by talking sensible things about climate change, only to be heckled by some old douche, who was promptly shot down with “OK, Boomer”. It’s now a meme for old farts who complain about the young generation that ruins everything. Oooh, ooh, we know a finance minister we can try it on!
Taking it on the China
China continues to place trust in Hong Kong’s leader Carrie Lam, who probably just wanted to be fired anyway, now she needs to go back and sort out those protests. And if you’re wondering why so many businesses are kowtowing to said country, this graph should tell you why. Saved you a click: Money.
There’s no oath-er way
Hoo boy, things do not look good for Trump and his suck-ass-at-any-cost pals on the impeachment front. A key aide “suddenly remembered” that Trump did something illegal (that whole quid pro quo thing). He probably “remembered” that lying under oath can land him jail time and Trump doesn’t have a good track record of protecting ass-kissers.
Humans of Nowhere
Bangladesh was decent enough to host 1 million fleeing Rohingya from Myanmar but their patience is running out apparently, and now the refugees might need to be put on a faraway island.
Tech & Biz
We don’t Work
Softbank - the guys who’re bankrolling much of Silicon Valley’s craziest, loss-making ideas - are pretty screwed themselves now - with its first quarterly loss ($9b!) in 14 years.
Tick Talk
TikTok is facing increased scrutiny in the US (one assumes lawmakers got a bunch of their kids in the room to explain WTF it was). The company claims it’s fully transparent and independent, even as former employees spoke about how its balls were firmly in the hands of China’s ruling party. All this is happening as the app is now more popular among 13-16 yos than Facebook. That is, until parents figure out what it is.
Don’t ad me to your network
Both FB & Google might now be forced to tighten up political advertising after Silicon Valley ka Sharmaji ka beta Twitter went and stopped all political ads last week.
Tere mast mastodon nain
Many woke Indian Twitterati moved to a social media site called Mastodon this week. Which may or may not work out in the long run. One of us wrote an article about it.
LinkedOut
The evolution of Donald Trump’s name in rap lyrics - from admiration to rebuke (limited paywall)
All that Govt-Tech animosity will not help advance the cause of ethical AI which desperately needs everyone to stop squabbling.
As Trump alienates everyone, other countries are increasingly looking to China as a partner.
What would happen if all humans just went extinct?
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may your life be as colourful as your Instagram Stories. Bye!