The Third Slip: Issue 137 - Patiala Pegasus
Hello, Slippers! Welcome to The Third Slip - the weekly newsletter that is increasingly resembling CAPTCHA codes. It's largely formulaic, weirdly formatted, sometimes takes two readings to understand because of how it's written, and has the same end goal in mind - seeking validation.
This is issue 137. If one takes all the puns we've made in all of our issues put together and writes them out one after the other, it would be exactly as long as ten full issues of The Third Slip. But if you decide to stack the same puns vertically, it would just be tall enough to reach the marker that reads "bottom of the barrel". It's all about perspective. And the news.
But first, thank you!
Form is temporary, class is permanent
Earlier this week, Chuck snuck into your inboxes with as much panache as an engineering acquaintance DMing you several years later. You worry he’s going to try and flirt with you, but to your shock and horror he asks you if you could please fill out a survey form for his MBA class instead. But you guys obliged. And how! Thanks to all of you who took time out to respond to us and to some of you who signed up to fund us! We’re extremely grateful for all your feedback, and will earnestly try to incorporate what we can. And TBH, we’re completely overwhelmed with all the love you guys sent across. What a classy set of people we have with us! *Group Hugs*
To those of you who asked, you can send us whatever you think is appropriate as funding on UPI (thethirdslip@paytm) - use GPay, PayTM, Amazon Pay, Your own Bank’s UPI. Whatever. Or become a regular subscriber on Patreon!
At Home
If phishes were horses with wings...
Top story this week - Pegasus. How technologically advanced is India now? Enough to use Israeli spyware to spy on Indian journalists and activists on WhatsApp. The news came to light as WhatsApp sued NSO Group - the agency behind Pegasus - snooping software that can only be sold with approval of the Israeli Defence Ministry!!
To put it simply, the index finger of suspicion points directly at the Indian government. The government did its best impression of that kid in the group who, when he sees someone looking in their direction with a raised eyebrow after smelling a fart, blurts out “Hey, you farted! You farted! You farted” Hehehe no one will suspect me now. To be fair, we’ve all done it at some point. No? Okay then, moving along.
Meanwhile, the proof that the government knew about the spying/ordered it has now been taken down. How bad is this? Well, remember Jamal Khashoggi? Saudi Arabia used Pegasus to spy on him and associates. You know you have made a string of terrible life choices if you are in the naughty corner with Saudi Arabia on human rights.
Fake in India
We’re annoyed with all of you who say the Make In India platform did nothing for the manufacturing sector. Quite clearly, the incumbents are the best at manufacturing consent on several aspects...
This week, the government invited several European lawmakers to visit Kashmir and assure them all is well. Which would be great, except most of them are from xenophobic right-wing parties with a history of Islamophobia. A couple of others who asked for free access had their invitations rescinded. Indian politicians, by the way, still can't travel there! When one sane European voice - Germany's Angela Merkel - met Sir this week, she promptly raised concerns saying the situation was “not good and not sustainable.'' Meaning Germany is now anti-national. Boycott all BMWs! No more beer! Uninstall Bayern Munich app!
Presidents rule, residents fool
President’s rule has been officially revoked in J&K and geography students will now have to remember 2 new Union Territories. They better remember it or they might be shot detained for their own safety. Extra marks for forgetting that Kerala exists.
Trade-off and on
In Bangkok, India will (or may not) give its assent to RCEP - a massive free-trade-agreement involving countries from India to New Zealand. There are positives but there are also enough reasons for concern - as farmer protests around the country against the move have indicated. Basically: Chinese dumpling good, Chinese dumping bad.
Hire today gone tomorrow
Currently, there is only one real challenger to Jasprit Bumrah’s impressively low economy rate - India, the country. We’ve lost 9 million jobs in 6 years - a first since Independence. Path-breaking only. Now waiting for the spin on this. India is so prosperous that millions can afford to not work, work is against Indian culture, etc. Update: this is sheer genius - apparently because people are unemployed they save on spending money. Superb.
Pollution explosion
Our readership is down 34.27% this week because the pollution is so bad in Delhi that people can’t see their screens. Perhaps we can take a lesson out of China's book - who implemented some very aggressive policies and managed to bring down pollution as rapidly as it's been taking down democracy.
Social studies
Malnutrition and undernourishment are real problems which can be easily tackled by making sensible changes to midday meals. Like Madhya Pradesh is doing - by adding eggs. Without skipping a beat, a BJP MP has said it will turn kids into cannibals. In other marching backwards news, the Indian army is looking to make homosexuality (and adultery) punishable a year after the Supreme Court decriminalised it. On the bright side, at least the sex ratio has improved, as have birth and death rates in the country.
Global Gyaan
Somewhere over the rainbow nation
Someday, I wish upon a star wake up where the clouds are far behind me Where trouble melts like lemon drops High above the chimney top. That's where you'll find me ... watching some sports on TV to see that the world is not bereft of inspirational stories. If there’s one story you read more about this week, let this be it. In a nation where racial tension is high, and the economy is doing badly South Africa winning the Rugby World Cup is uniting everyone. “Siya Kolisi’s Springboks are exactly what Mandela envisioned”
Brexit has happened!
But only in the Rugby World Cup, where they lost in the aforementioned finals. Now, the UK is going to have a general election because Parliament can't figure out how to leave the EU for 3 years (we’re too tired by this point to explain why).
Premier beleaguer
Hong Kong's recent protests have moved it into recession, while Iraq and Lebanon's recent protests have forced the respective PMs to resign (wait… what… That's… Never mind)
Trumpeachment
Impeachment proceedings against L'Orange are now official (meaning testimonies can be televised and things like that), and no longer just a random idea. As much as he'd like to deny it, he's in deep kakoos, his arguments have as many holes in them as his wall does (yes, smugglers FTW).
Al Bad-gag-i
The killing of ISIS' leader - by far the biggest military achievement of the Trump administration - ironically has depended on everything he has trashed - such as intelligence agencies, American presence in Syria. Trump, of course, gleefully took the opportunity to belittle Obama's capture of bin Laden, going to point where he belittled the Al Qaeda leader.
Great Greater Greta
Greta Thunberg refuses an award, instead continuing to ask politicians to listen to the scientists. Legend.
Tech & Biz
Gently up the stream: Spotify is turning a profit thanks to podcasts, it seems.
Ad or detract: Twitter has decided to ban political ads, something that's consumed debate around Facebook. Prima facie this seems like a good move, especially since platforms shouldn't get into ad veracity, but… It's quite murky. Maybe politics only should be banned.
Step by step: Google buys Fitbit. Ah Fitbit, what a lovely nostalgia-inducing device along with Rola Cola and Phantom cigarettes.
Gig bites: Uber and Lyft are fighting a California law meant to protect gig economy workers saying it doesn't apply to them, which feels a little like Michael Phelps protesting that a "too many Olympic medals" rule doesn't apply to him.
What do we want? 5G. When do we want it? Now. Huawei? China.
China ain't waiting for the rest of the world, and it's going 5G.
LinkedOut
It turns out Airbnb has multiple host scams running. This one features Indian-origin hosts.
Targeted by a text - a 25 minute video on how Pegasus is used to spy on civilians.
Last week we saw how Indian athletes had to bend the knee and tweet propaganda. To be fair, it's not easy for them to not accede.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to get in touch with us, we’re on Twitter (Chuck | Tony). Or you can reach us on good ol’ email. Until next week, may no one spam your inbox with surveys you don’t want to answer. Bye!